Huang Ying knew what he wanted to say, so she leaned her head closer, until it was near his ear, and softly whispered, "Li Yan... you know, I'm willing."

In an almost utterly exposed situation like this, amidst an atmosphere of mutual temptation that was hard to get out from, how many normal men could withstand such temptation, could remain proper?

Li Yan could!

Yes, Li Yan used to be somewhat carefree in these matters; if he wasn't a lecher, then he was at least a flirt. But his principle in life was that there are things he would do and things he wouldn't. If it was a woman he met at a nightclub or a social gathering, he wouldn't hesitate. But facing Huang Ying, he simply couldn't do it.

He was very clear, very certain, that Huang Ying hadn't lied just now; she was genuinely willing. But what if she was willing? If someone willingly lets you kill them, does that absolve you of legal responsibility? If someone willingly lets you beat them up, do you really go and hit them? Of course, if someone willingly gives you money, a leader would usually accept it with a smile.

Huang Ying was willing, but her willingness didn't necessarily mean affection or love, much like her previous decisions. If things were like that, taking Huang Ying would indeed be exploiting her gratitude for something in return. That would turn it into a transaction, and he wanted to help Huang Ying out of concern for a friend, not wanting her to feel burdened, leading her to refuse. But if he really got involved with her, wouldn't that mean he was essentially 'keeping' her financially?

This he couldn't accept. He didn't want to become such a person, nor did he want Huang Ying to become someone 'kept' — even if the keeper was himself.

"Alright, stop overthinking. Your body's really weak right now; you might fall ill. You need to rest properly, that matter... we'll talk about it later, there will be plenty of opportunities in the future." Li Yan gently stroked her delicate back, softly comforting her.

Huang Ying grew anxious; there might be opportunities in the future, but letting you take the initiative is always so hard, letting me take the initiative, how would I have such an opportunity again?

In her rush of anxiety, she couldn't help but start sobbing softly.

Li Yan got a headache. Yesterday a girl wanted to possess him, today another girl cried because he didn't possess her; which god is playing tricks on me? No, strictly speaking, Qiao Huanxuan occurred at midnight, after all, which is technically today. Could today be my day of romance? Maybe I could walk around casually tonight and score a bunch of beauties?

But now wasn't the time for sighing, nor was it the time for daydreaming. He hurriedly asked, "Huang Ying, what's wrong with you?"

Huang Ying still hung her head, sobbing softly, seemingly trying hard not to let herself burst into tears aloud.

Li Yan still held her tightly, suddenly feeling more tears wetting his shoulder. He quickly adjusted her head to look directly at her.

"What are you doing?"

In the blurry tears, Huang Ying vaguely saw Li Yan frowning and heard his questioning words, which made her heart even more bitter. She thought she'd met a man who was good to her, even willing to become his burden and not require promises or responsibilities from him, but...

She let go, trying her best to move aside a few inches, maintaining a distance from Li Yan. Then she wiped her tears with the back of her hand, trying to squeeze out a smile that was even harder than bitterness.

"I'm sorry... I'm fine."

Li Yan was speechless; you're saying you're fine like this?

"I get it, you... you would never like a girl like me, no figure, no charm, no ability, not like someone like Manager Wen..."

Li Yan was dumbfounded, what's gotten into this girl? Just because I held back from pushing you down, you're feeling inferior now? He comforted softly, "Why compare yourself with Wen Qianyi? She has her good qualities, and you have yours too. Your diligence, filial piety, gentleness, sensibility, thoughtfulness, kindness... those are virtues too. Plus, aren't you a few years younger than Wen Qianyi? In the future, your figure, charm, and abilities will also become as good as hers."

Though he was comforting Huang Ying, he couldn't speak against the truth by underrating Wen Qianyi. Given Wen Qianyi's comprehensive qualities, only Zhang Yurong could match her in Paradise Group. So, he could only highlight Huang Ying's virtues and look to the future. Otherwise, it would be too fake to say she was better in every aspect than Wen Qianyi.

His comfort quickly worked, and Huang Ying began to stop crying. After a while, she gazed blankly at Li Yan and softly asked a question that stuck in her throat, "Just now, was I... was I really cheap?"

Li Yan was taken aback!

He had considered everything thoroughly, considering her willingness wasn't necessarily affection, considering she had only been drinking today, and the impulse after initial terror was stable, but he had neglected that her character would take her to another extreme!

For someone so shy, it would have been better to avoid the situation from the beginning, to leave her on the bed and walk out, not giving her the chance to speak. Once she'd spoken, no matter how tactful and reasonable the reason, for her, it was still a rejection! And the consequence of refusal would lead her to feel insecure and connect many issues.

"Who said that?" Li Yan asked heavily.

Huang Ying didn't speak, but her meaning was obvious: So you think I'm cheap for offering myself thus, and you don't like me...

He sighed, "Do you know what kind of person I am? I never have serious relationships, do you know how many women I've been with? Heh... I can't even remember myself! Even the approximate number I can't recall. If I just wanted you and didn't want to because of affection or respect, would I need to wait until today? With my experience, I could have had my way with you long ago.

You said you were willing, but how much of that is out of affection? Do you like someone like me? Your impulsive action today was in gratitude to me for saving you from them. Perhaps... you are also worried about me, worried I might get caught and imprisoned, so you're willing to give yourself to me as gratitude, thinking if it wasn't for me, this body would fall into the beasts' hands. If I were imprisoned, you might face a similar problem again. Better to give it to someone more pleasant than beasts.

If that's the case, do you think I can accept it? If I accepted you, how different would I be from them? The difference is they use power, while I use gratitude, because your willingness is not truly your willingness! You understand? I want to give you more time, I don't want you to regret!"

Having said his piece, Li Yan turned over and lay beside her. He reached into the pocket of his pants at the bedside and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it; he was also somewhat agitated, and smoking could calm him down a bit.

Having heard Li Yan's words, Huang Ying lay weakly in the covers, also reflecting deeply. Was this my true thoughts? Did I really want to be with him for such reasons?

Watching the smoke expelled by Li Yan, seeing it disperse in the room, Huang Ying's thoughts also diffused.

Silence descended, both lost in their thoughts, temporarily devoid of desires.

After a while, Huang Ying's thoughts came together again, and she began to understand her own heart, to understand what she truly needed and wanted.

When Li Yan finished his cigarette, she mustered her strength to get up and look into his eyes.

"What is it now?" Li Yan glanced at her.

"I want to tell you... I've carefully reflected on what you just said." Huang Ying said earnestly, making her expression look cute.

"You know me well, but do you understand me better than I understand myself? What you just said were your thoughts; how much do they align with mine? Someone once proposed to me, offering to support my mother, and at that time, I thought of you and was willing to be 'kept' by you—yes, I admit at that time it was about having a reliance, and since it was like that, I thought why not find someone pleasing and who knew me more and who respected me. But...

Things are different now! After we unintentionally kissed that night, you never touched me again, but you often cared about me, encouraged me in class, and even took me to concerts... Your requests of me were only occasionally having me cook a meal. I think you mainly care about my feelings; otherwise, you wouldn't bother me at all.

What does this mean? This means this man respects me, cherishes me, rather than just wishing to play with or possess me. Now, you've treated me sincerely, seriously, and given your first kiss to a girl. Are you not confident she'd develop feelings for you? Today, you risked everything for me. In my heart, is it just gratitude? Do you at least understand 'the hero saving the damsel in distress'? Even if I'm not a beauty, you saved me, and I like you, isn't that possible? Must it only be gratitude?"

The usually shy Huang Ying, able to express herself in such a torrent, left Li Yan astounded. As they say, even timid girls will find their voice when pushed to the limit. And he didn't find it odd at all to compare such a cute girl to a dog or a rabbit.

Seeing Li Yan staring at her with his mouth open, speechless, Huang Ying was very excited, feeling the taste of confidence. She pressed a bit closer and continued to press him, "I'm not asking you to marry me; everything stays as it is, yet you don't dare. So is it me who's insecure, or is it you? Or do you think I'm insecure, but it's actually you not realizing your own insecurities?" (According to Li Yan's reaction, it's not that his body couldn't take it, it's mainly because the monthly votes aren't coming in; if the monthly votes surged 50 votes, he'd knock down Huang Ying immediately, haha (*^__^*) ) (To be continued, for more chapters, please log in to www.qidian.com, support the author, support legal reading!)

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