The Atmana clan led Tuya through the forest, along narrow trails that troubled Batu. Tuya helped the great eagle navigate, using her spear to cut branches and slice through bushes. Hacking a way through the forest reminded Tuya of spear training but without being yelled at. It made Tuya feel strong, a feeling she preferred to cultivate after growing up powerless.

The Bear Mother spoke little, telling Tuya that they'd talk once they arrived at their clan's den. Tuya took in the silence, attuning to the forest for signs of Atmana or predators lurking in the trees. Plenty of the little-tailed shriekers, countless insects and tiny birds, snakes, lizards, and little furry creatures roamed the area, but no Atmana or purple-fur lions as far as Tuya could tell. She didn't yet trust her senses here, so kept her eyes swiveling, inspecting any movement she detected.

The ground on this side of the river was far more varied, with rises and falls, where multicolored trees pushed high toward the afternoon sky. It was a treat for Tuya's silver eyes to take in the colors of life, to listen to the wilds unmarred by tamers. Every few moments the thought struck her of how beautiful life could be, but was quickly brought back down by the premise of Gurg's advancement through these lands as well as whatever she would need to do to protect this family.

Bear Mother led their group, in her animal form. She was followed by Tsonggo, who didn't dance. She carried her brother while in the shape of the big orange strong-tail, stopping often to readjust her grip, pulsing with steady annoyance. The boy glanced at Tuya as often as he could, tongue lolling, giving off alternating waves of joy and pain. She would need to talk to Bear Mother about tending his wounds.

Tuya kept her eyes clear of Wolf, wishing she didn't have to listen to his little whines. She pulled at her wet, sticky hides, longing to return to the river and wash away everything unwanted while the hides dried off. Drenched in her sweat, life was obviously easier in this humid land with lighter attire, or naked as it seemed all the Atmana were except for Tsonggo who liked to wrap vines and flowers around herself. But Tuya would rather itch and stick to herself than shed her outer layer.

The three Atmana folk looked at her like she was a shiny thing to be stared at with mouths open wide. If the wolf hides made her itch and clung to her, their stares made her skin crawl like little bugs were swarming her. Tuya tried not to judge, knowing that this was different than the Hollows where women were supposed to keep their heads down, and that people being able to look at her was a good thing. But Tuya couldn't escape the feeling that each of them was eager to claim something from her. Bear Mother, her skills. Wolf, her body and love. Tsonggo, who knew? Perhaps just a friend? But even that was scary.

Tuya wanted to fly away from this feeling.

We need to find you some feathers, Batu projected. Better than wearing four-leg bodies.

Tuya imagined it: feathers arranged into something that would cover the parts tamers liked to touch and talk about. It was a good image. Good enough to stretch her smiling muscles. And she could visualize how they would look when she leapt from wind form of Batu's back. Now the smile couldn't fade.

Let's do it, Tuya answered.

Batu emitted satisfaction with the idea of having a feathered sister. He daydreamed of her taking flight and squawking like an eagle near his flower tree. A pang of sadness, subtle like the hint of bitter beneath a sweet berry, permeated from him as he waddled through this land where grand wings couldn't unfurl. He was not where he belonged, but with who he belonged. Tuya tasted the bittersweetness, knowing that it must be and still wanting to make the bitter smaller.

If we stay in their den, Tuya thought, we will clear a space in the canopy for you.

Batu imagined being able to take to the skies, soaring over these high trees and hunting many small tsonggo's, basking in their shrieks as they awaited the talon. Tuya added herself to the image, armored in a cloak of multicolored feathers, running through the treetops with an arrow thrower.

Thank you, sister, Batu shared. If you give me my wings back, I can be satisfied here.

"We're close," Bear Mother said. "If you listen, you can hear our water flowing."

Indeed, Tuya heard the soft, soothing hiss of steady water flowing, of echoed splashes where water met rock. Though it was different, it reminded her of the ocean crashing against the walls of her dark place, of the little stream that ran through it, giving life to her. It sounded like peace. Like home.

Wolf let out a joyous howl that echoed Tuya's own feelings. Though he'd hid it well, Wolf had been worried about whether he would return home. Bear Mother called him Brave Wolf for a reason. This was a boy that didn't let fear dominate his mind. Tuya could admire that, among other things.

Tsonggo shrieked at her brother, annoyance bursting from within like a berry held too tight. Bear Mother shook her head, pushed through a gap in the trees, and pulled back a thick layer of vines, revealing a place unlike any Tuya had ever seen.

Nestled into the side of a hill was a cave behind little cascading waters that fell from a hilltop covered in thick trees of rainbow hues in bark and leaf. For all that, this partially underground place wasn't dark but lit by colorful mushrooms that glowed blue, red, orange, yellow, purple, green, white, and brown. Tuya's eyes opened wide, taking in every precious detail. Celegana's essence, a brown shiny thing visible to a lightseer such as her, wasn't here. These were the mushrooms as they were, unaided by divinity. Though nature was divine in its own right, a gift from Mother Celegana that provided the bounty her children needed to live whether in the form of food, plants that stopped bleeding, or lights in the darkness.

Dreams of a lonely child in her dark place welled up. Memories of living below the surface of the Hollows with Yaha, of training to become her self. This was a beautiful place to grow with so much life pulsing within. This realization repeatedly slammed into her all day, demanding to be heard, making it more impossible to fly away even without her obligations to this family. She couldn't let Gurg claim these lands without doing what she could to help the Atmana. This was the right thing to do, even if it meant her wilders would need to wait a little longer for her return.

The Atmana had claimed this cave. Scattered bones of animals they fed upon. Stockpiles of colorful herbs and vegetation. A far corner of the cave full of little shiny rocks. A firepit surrounded by stone in the driest area, stacks of many-hued wood beside it. Hides arranged on the hard ground for comfortable resting and warmth during colder nights. Several arrow throwers and so many arrows. Many of the walls were covered with shapes and colors depicting animals fighting, dancing, or even breeding. One stood out most to Tuya. A large wolf-like monster standing on two legs with big brown eyes and massive claws was surrounded by a bear, a wolf, and a tsonggo with tears in their eyes.

The thing that killed their father? Tuya pondered. There were only three sets of hides for sleeping and three mossy seats beside the fire.

The young had to come from somewhere, Batu thought.

Bear Mother caught her staring, stepped between Tuya and the drawing, and reverted to her human form. She frowned, giving off a deep sorrow like a pool of water that went down forever even though it didn't seem to take up much space on the surface.

"I hope this den will do for you, Celegan."

"It is wonderful," Tuya said. "I have just one hope for change. Batu, my great eagle brother, needs to be able to reach the skies. Can we clear a path through the canopy?"

The woman translated Tuya's words into Atmana hand signs then spoke with her voice but also moved her hands, doing both deliberately slow. Tuya tried to make connections, the gestures often being easy to associate with the words.

"I give my blessing to you," Bear Mother said and signed. "When the sun is high, I will teach you how to talk with your hands and the ways of Great Atmana. When the sun is waking up, Tsonggo will show you how to use num."

"Num," Tuya said, holding the arrow thrower forward in one hand and pulling back its vine with her other, the same motion Bear Mother had used to gesture the arrow thrower. "Num is this arrow thrower?"

Bear Mother nodded, then made the same gesture without the arrow thrower num, the bow, in her hands. "Bow. You will hunt with Tsonggo and provide for yourself while you are here. Understand?"

Tuya paid close attention to every gesture Bear Mother made as she spoke. She remembered the thrill of learning words from Yaha, hungry to know every one in every language spoken in this world, even if they were made with fingers and arms instead of throat and tongue. In this faraway land, doing this thing, she felt like she was where she belonged. Having spent her whole life knowing what others felt, she craved the words to understand them and in turn make their pain smaller. Unable to constrain her joy, Tuya returned what she hoped was the sign for I understand, pointing to herself and then touching her head and her heart at the same time. "I understand."

Bear Mother nodded. "You have a strong mind, Celegan. This is very good."

"I have always loved learning words," Tuya said, making herself smile as she remembered Yaha's lessons in diplomacy. Her mother had told her that her good smile was as magical as her eyes and could change hearts that weren't already full of hate.

Bear Mother's lips curled up like a ray of light shining on warm things beneath cold surfaces. "Very good."

Tuya sensed more warmth from the woman's children as they saw the first thawing of their mother. Tsonggo was gathering sticks to build a fire, but only half paying attention to her task as she watched with a precious grin. Wolf continued to sit on his hides, eyes attentive on the conversation.

"If you are to teach me words and ways," Tuya said, "and Tsonggo is to teach me arrows and hunting, what will Wolf teach me?"

Wolf ruffed but Bear Mother's thin smile evaporated like a little puddle on a hot day, leaving behind cracked earth and furrowed brow. "Nothing. Brave Wolf thinks you are most beautiful and wants you to hold their heart. While they have good eyes, they don't see into the future that must be."

Brave Wolf lay by the waterfalls, his ruffs turning into heartrending whines. Even Tsonggo emitted a melancholy as she started sparking the fire by striking a shiny cloud-colored stone against a clear jagged stone. Tuya herself felt a hollowness as she gripped Yaha's pearl. But this was the way it had to be. She couldn't stay, couldn't fall in love with this beautiful boy with a compassionate heart.

"I understand,' Tuya said, signing the Atmana gesture as she spoke. "I won't be here long."

"Exactly, Celegan," Bear Mother said. "You have good eyes that can see what must be. You will spend as little time with my Brave Wolf as possible, so that your leaving doesn't leave them scarred."

Wolf whined, making the sign where he intertwined his little fingers and pointed them to his heart then offered them to her. Tsonggo shook her head, crossing her arms as the fire came to life. Bear Mother made a gesture toward them, one Tuya didn't yet know but could infer was the equivalent of a tamer telling a little girl to be silent.

"My name is Tuya," she said, feeling hollowness growing, or perhaps just reopening. "How can I say that in Atmana?"

"Tuya? We have no words for made-up names like that," Bear Mother said. "In Atmana, we have three names. One from nature that we are given at our first cry that only our clan knows. A second when we take our first animal form."

"You can take more than one animal form?" Tuya interrupted.

Bear Mother growled. "Slow down, Celegan. Do not speak when the clan leader speaks."

Tuya withered a bit, worried that this person would never grow to care about her. She signed, "I understand."

"A third name is given when the Atmana has earned their defining aspect," Bear Mother explained. "You cannot be given a clan name, cannot take animal forms, nor do we know you well enough to identify your aspect."

"I am more than where I come from," Tuya said. "I prefer not to be called 'Celegan.'"

Bear Mother grinned. "I can teach Tsonggo to say 'Tuya,' if you would like, but this is what I will call you." Bear Mother made her fingers into circles with great big openings, then ringed them around her eyes.

"What does it mean?" Tuya asked, mirroring the sign. It felt goofy to narrow her vision like she was looking through little holes instead of seeing all around her.

"Howler. The great owl," Bear Mother said. "They are strong fighters with special eyes that can see in every direction at once."

Tuya nodded, imagining the great feathered birds that she had sometimes seen in the Hollows. Batu had found her in the nest of a long-dead howler the day they flew away. A fighter with great vision. One that flew away from the place it didn't belong. This was a good animal name for her. "I understand," she signed. "And I accept."

Stolen novel; please report.

Eagles are better, Batu transmitted. We fly faster than howlers and hunt better. Their noises are also very stupid. A hint of amusement permeated the link. This is a good name for you.

Tuya stifled her laughter by sucking in her lips and holding her breath. A chortle still escaped.

"What amuses you?" Bear Mother asked, signing, "Howler."

She pointed to the big bird that was already working on clearing the branches outside the cave. "My brother Batu says you've chosen a good name for me. He wants me to wear feathers. Like him. I like the idea and it makes me happy to be Howler instead of 'of the Hollows.'"

"You share your thoughts with the giant bird?"

Tuya nodded. This time, she pushed the thoughts out with her mind instead of speaking them aloud. And our feelings too. It hides us from the tamers who hunt us both.

Tsonggo let out a shrill screech, covering her ears. Wolf laughed, the sound so strangely human and lovely. Bear Mother was unsurprised. She'd already called her Celegan and spoke the language. This wasn't her first time dealing with the mental projection of Celegans. Tuya hungered for her story.

Bear Mother nodded. "You run. Like me." Bear Mother made a sign where two fingers pointed downward sped across her body then lifted her hand into a claw. "I am Running Bear."

Tuya copied the sign. "Running Bear."

The old woman nodded.

Tuya hesitated, battling her hunger for understanding. How could this woman who lived so far from the Hollows know the language and not be claimed or dead? "Is it okay if I ask questions?"

Showing Tuya the signs for what Tuya asked, Running Bear finished with a head nod.

"How do you know how to speak Gidiite?"

"I spent many seasons trapped by the giant men from the cold lands." Running Bear's hatred, a feeling Tuya recognized in her mind sense like an old abusive brother returned to the hollow, was enough to tell Tuya all she needed to know and rendered clear that Bear didn't want to share more and open those poisoned memories.

"I am glad you escaped," Tuya said. "No woman should live trapped."

Bear shook her head, her agitation palpable in Tuya's mind sense. "I am no woman."

Tuya glanced down at Bear's genitals. She was certainly a woman. As much of a woman as Tuya. Being old and wrinkled didn't change this thing. Tuya kept quiet, hoping that Bear would explain, but the woman-who-said-she-wasn't-woman stared at her, eyes narrowed. Like Yaha during spear training, daring Tuya to charge in.

She's messing with you, Batu thought. That must be where the orange girl gets it from.

Tuya didn't concur. Running Bear had proven far less playful than her children. She doubted whether this woman had joked in all her life, or at least since returning from the Sunset Kingdom. She felt like she was being tested and expected to know answers she'd never been taught to understand. Afraid to make a mistake and anger the bear, Tuya shook her head and made the sign for understand.

"You don't understand," Bear said, "because you believe in pretend words made by those who hurt others to justify their evil."

"I am no stranger to how men hurt women," Tuya said. "But how can these be pretend if men and women are so different?"

"How are they different, Howler?"

You sure this one is serious? Batu asked, doubt flowing from him to her. He certainly had some images that reminded him that he was the male and his mate the female.

Batu's thoughts reminded Tuya of Darrakh, her heart hurting as she remembered the time she'd lived through that experience. Among many things, it seemed the defining aspect of masculinity and femininity. Men had breeders and put them in women to make their bellies swell with children. Tuya had seen it often enough to know there was nothing pretend about it.

"Men and women have different bodies." Tuya pointed toward Wolf's exposed breeder then to Tsonggo's vagina. The two of them gave the conversation their entire attention, not that Wolf's had strayed at any point. Tsonggo stopped dancing around the little fire she had started, crouched on all fours, her tail emerging from her lower back.

"We all have different bodies, Howler. No two are ever the same and even if they look the same, their spirits are not."

"But men have breeders and we don't."

Bear groaned, the sound far deeper than any woman should naturally make as her throat became ursine. "Why must this one thing define people?" Bear pointed to her eyes then Tuya's. "Why not the color of our eyes?" She pointed to their flesh. "Or the color of our skin?" Then she touched her breasts then pointed to Tuya's. "Or the shape and size of our flesh?"

Tuya hesitated, thinking it through. The difference seemed too important but was that just because the tamers had stressed it? At some point in Celegan history, were people divided by this one thing, ignoring other similarities and differences? What good had it done to be a woman in the Hollows? She could understand why Running Bear thought it was pretend.

I didn't pretend to make my young with my mate, Batu said, his judgment pouring through the link as if Tuya was the bird that kept flying into the clear not-holes in the stones beneath the flower tree.

Tuya could understand both Bear and Batu. "But it is important, Running Bear. Men use their breeders on women to make children. They also have more body strength, more hair, and different abilities."

Bear clashed her jaws together as if Tuya was stupid and she had to explain the simplest thing. "By your pretend words, you and I are both women. Yet, I can be a bear and you cannot. You can share your thoughts with a bird and I cannot. Your body is stronger than mine. I have hair in places you do not."

Tuya needed a moment to recover as her eyes found the heart of Bear's words. There were often more differences within a group than between, no matter the dividing lines. This was a lesson Yaha stressed when talking about different societies. The same could be true of men and women. That didn't change the key dividing line, as Batu repeatedly stress in his thoughts as he took out his agitation on the tree branches that kept him from reaching the sky.

"You make good points," Tuya said. "Woman can be more different from each other sometimes than they are from men, but you and I will never plant our seed within a man with a breeder. Always, it will be them to plant inside of us."

Bear let out a rumbling growl. "They want you to think they are better because they have," she pointed toward her genitals, then struggled to find words for a few moments, "the thing that sows seed. But this thing doesn't determine who a person is."

Tuya couldn't process it. Batu's confusion and disagreement didn't help.

"All it does is create a reason to divide people," Bear said. "Among the Gidiites those with things that sowed seed controlled those without it. Then those with bigger seedsowers and bigger muscles got to tell those who were smaller that they were lesser, even if they had seedsowers too.

"A spirit cannot be defined by these physical differences, Howler. There are no men and women. This is why the Atmana define people by who they are, by the animal they become, and the aspect that truly describes their spirit."

Then how does she explain being a mother? Batu wondered, cawing aloud as he battled the forest. You already explained this. No male could ever be a mother.

Tuya saw his point and didn't think she'd ever stop seeing the differences between men and women, but there was a beauty to the way the Atmana saw themselves. Even if the dividing lines were carved by nature, it was people who chose how to see them. "I like it," she said, tears coalescing in her eyes. "If all the world saw this as you do, I think there would be so much less pain."

"You have good eyes, Howler," Running Bear said and signed, Tuya recognizing the gestures. Their agitation dissipated, replaced with a sense of peace.

"My homeland is full of hatred and discord because the men control the women," Tuya said, tears falling down her face. "If the Celegans saw that a person was who they were within, not defined by whether they have a breeder or whether they can tame, I think we could've found our way back to harmony and love."

Tuya lowered her eyes, but looked far into her past seeing the torment that she and others like her had lived through or died from. This way of seeing would've helped but neither did she want to be blind to differences. They existed and she couldn't help but feel that ignoring them was dangerous too. "I have another question about this."

"Ask, Howler. I see now that you are willing to hear the answers."

There it was, pulsing from Running Bear, the first cracks in the oyster's shell, warmth and pearls glowing beneath. Tuya gripped her mother's pearl. Yaha couldn't be replaced, just as the Mahagan captain didn't replace Zaya, but she sensed the first taste of a mother's love flowing from the Atmana to her. And Tuya yearned for more.

I can't. I will soon fly away.

She didn't want scars anymore than Running Bear wanted Brave Wolf to be scarred. Tuya had enough old wounds already. She tried to crush the desire for someone to take care of her, to look after her, to be mother. It took several unsteady heartbeats to form her question.

"How do Atmana explain love?"

"How do you explain love, Howler?"

Tuya didn't think of Darrakh, but of Masarga. "Making pain smaller. Wanting to be with them for as long as you can. Hurting so much when you're not."

"The Atmana wouldn't disagree with you. But I wonder if you meant to ask something different? You can ask, Howler. I won't bite you for curiosity."

Bear was so much gentler now that Tuya braved the risk of offending them. "If there are no men and women, how do you explain finding another person beautiful and making children with them?"

The Atmana laughed. "You don't think you can find another lovely without your pretend words, do you, Howler?"

Tsonggo chittered with amusement as Tuya nodded, eyes down, embarrassment heating her face. She didn't look at Wolf nor could she meet anyone else's gaze.

"Eyes on my hands," Running Bear said, their voice far from harsh. "There is more to finding a person beautiful than whether they have a seedsower and you don't."

Tsonggo yipped with glee as her sibling radiated even more embarrassment than Tuya.

"Tell me, Howler, have you ever found someone else beautiful if they didn't have a 'breeder?'"

That wasn't hard to answer. Sarnai had been lovely to look at, like flowers blooming in a bush during the season of rebirth. Tsonggo was too, especially when she danced and smiled. In fact, Tuya often found the wilders to be more beautiful than tamers. There had only been two tamers she ever thought of as anything but ugly. Above all, she could look at her own reflection and understand why others thought she was good to look at.

"I have."

"How can this be?" Bear asked, grinning. "If they must have a breeder to be beautiful to you?"

"But I cannot make children with them." She kept silent her more provocative thoughts. Nor have I ever wanted to touch them the way I wanted Darrakh to touch me.

"Making children is but one outcome of love, Howler. One you left absent from your definition a few moments ago."

Tuya nodded, then signed, "I understand, Running Bear."

"Ask your question," Bear said, taking a seat beside the fire, the scent of a roasted plant reaching Tuya's nose, reminding her that there were hungers for things other than understanding.

Tuya spoke with her hands and mouth, confident that she had picked up enough signs. "Don't people only breed with those who have different parts?"

Tsonggo roared with laughter. Bear grinned and shook her head. Wolf whined, hiding his face beneath his paw as he transformed. Tuya was less confident that she made the right gestures. Either that or she asked a stupid question.

The question isn't stupid, Batu projected. But the answer is. Stop listening to their nonsense, sister, and help me get through these branches.

Soon, Tuya promised.

"Why did Tsonggo laugh?" Tuya asked, again trying to gesture at them in the Atmana language.

Tsonggo answered by pointing to Tuya then pushing their lips together and making a smooching noise. They then went into a rather provocative dance where they mimed some things Tuya didn't know much about such as putting their tongue between two fingers and licking.

"As you can see," Bear said, leaning forward on their log, "there are those who don't prefer people with 'different parts.' Tsonggo wants nothing to do with those who have breeders."

"How?" Tuya asked.

"How do you see beauty, Howler? Is it the big breeder that has made you hungry for another's touch?"

Tsonggo pointed at Wolf, then put her fingers up so that they were almost touching. She laughed, in her animal form, making a high-pitched shriek while Brave turned into a wolf and barked at her. Tuya kept her eyes down, hiding her embarrassment any way she could. But she knew the truth.

Darrakh's breeder had nothing to do with why she thought he was beautiful. It had been neither small nor big as far as tamers went nor did she particularly like looking at it. She'd loved his face, his smile, the way he looked like her, and, most of all, how gentle he had been when every other man had been a vicious monster. Touching his breeder had been a way of showing love to him, and it didn't feel bad when it touched her back, but it had little to do with why she thought he was beautiful.

Even with Brave Wolf, it was his eyes, his lithe, athletic body, his long dark hair, and the joy and compassion she could feel flowing from him like a waterfall that never stopped that made him beautiful. It had nothing to do with the strip of flesh sitting in the dark bush between his legs. She'd rather not see that at all.

"Not at all," she admitted. "The breeder has never mattered to me."

"Exactly," Bear said. "Every person has different preferences for what they see as beautiful. The shape of the face, or the body, how tall or short one is, the thickness of their muscles, eye color, the size or softness of a chest, their smile, or even your all-important breeders. For some people, myself among them, none of that matters. Only the feeling of love for that person regardless of how they look. There is no right, no wrong, only that which the spirit yearns. To reduce all attraction to penis and vagina is to see a rainbow as red and purple and miss every color in between."

Ridiculous, Batu thought fluttering his wings. Making young is a necessary part of mating, not an accident.

Tuya didn't agree with her brother. Eyes open, she saw that her previous way of seeing was narrow, that it restricted the colors she could see. She had already learned this before when training with Yaha. Just because you saw something one way all your life didn't mean that way was truth. It was merely what you had been taught to see. It wasn't whether this way of seeing was right or wrong, but whether she believed it was better way of understanding. And Tuya believed it with every fragment of her cracked soul.

"Thank you for showing me new lights," Tuya said.

"Thank you for seeing," Bear returned. "I admit, you are not what I expected."

"That makes two of us."

Bear tapped the mossy log beside them, smiling, though they gave off a wave of guilt. "Take Wolf's spot while they recover. We can practice your signs while we eat."

Tuya thought about that guilt, trying to understand it. She knew the feeling, but didn't recognize this shade of it. Warily, she sat, expecting some trick to be played. Perhaps Bear just felt guilty for their initial mistrust? Or perhaps they were just more regretful to be using Tuya to help them keep their home?

She was one bite into the leafy plant Tsonggo had cooked before her mind sensed the coming of many sentient creatures. Worse, the color of their feelings was nasty. Arrogance. Anger. Malice. They came to hurt.

Tuya gripped her spear, launching into empagong form and standing between the three Atmana and the approaching creatures. The cave went silent, Tuya feeling fear rise in her new friends.

Tamers? Batu asked, readying his talons as he landed at her side.

Tuya had initially thought so, given the way the felt. But that was nothing but her eyes seeing what they expected to see. She caught movement in the forest. Fast and purple.

Smiling Moasi had arrived.

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