[ Hidden Quest (Recurrent) found! ]

[ Quest: See No Evil ]

[ Goal: Reveal abuse of systemic loopholes to competent authorities ]

[ Details: No system is perfect, but there is a limit to how much can be compromised or tolerated to get things done. For the main computer, the limit is the Shelter's peace and growth. You have found someone or something among authorities who ignores said limit, and you brought proof to someone who could do something about it. ]

[ Reward: (1) Query Fast Pass; (1) Swarm Full Set (to define) (Reveal more abuse for additional rewards). ]

Zax frowned and briefly paused his wake-up routine as he read the mail in his HUD. It sat with the others, inconspicuous, so he had opened it without paying attention to the subject or sender.

He would have never expected a message from the Core.

He didn't mind his sensory diary being perused; he had given his consent. The artificial intelligence had held its word and not reminded him of its existence since the mission to look for his greatest rival: himself. Now it was… rewarding him for the last day's events? Was it not aware of it from the enforcers? Terrifying idea. Didn't mention the attack itself, though, only the aftermath. The only parts he was clear about was the rewards.

The pass applied for a query to the main computer. When he chose to use it, his query would go to the start of the public queue, regardless of whose or how many were before, no matter how simple or complex it was and how long the treatment would last.

"Swam Full Set" was the temporary name he gave for the optimal type-proportions in C-nanites, if one wanted to infuse the greatest amount possible in a single living being. It varied with the being's size and complexity. He had the single cell's limit, but not the mice's yet, let alone his own. He was getting there though, the "to define" should mean once he found the limit, the Core would give him enough of its own nanites to fill himself up.

It was huge. The news and the amount. He wasn't sure all he had, which could already do a lot, would be enough. Maybe it was not that much for the Core, but still. He could now hasten his experiments without worrying about this irreplaceable material.

Not as much anyways.

He was clearly being enticed and oriented in a specific direction, both in his daily behaviour and his experiments. Was the pass an enticement too? Did the Core want him to ask something specific? Why a game-like quest and not a commission, like last time? Aran hadn't rubbed off that much on him, had she? Did it want to involve her?

Unpleasant thought, uncomfortable questions, but he wouldn't refuse a reward for something he had already done. There were too many unknowns, but he had more important matters to take care of right now. The heavy atmosphere behind his bedroom door attested to it.

A pervasive silence filled the main room. Breakfast was prepared and served, but nobody was in the mood for it. The previous day's events still weighted on everyone.

Aran had hardly said a word since they woke up, and her eyes kept glancing between her friends and her plate. SG kept her head down, sipping her meal solution, still unresponsive. Her whole body was rolled up even tighter than when she first arrived. She was still shying away from physical contact, and it didn't seem about to change.

It wouldn't do. But what could the handyman say? Even their social expert was at a loss. The tailed girl had already tried soft reassurance, respectful aloofness, even tactless honestly. What was left?

"You shouldn't think so negatively of yourself." The words bloke the silence before he realised.

The jolt managed to briefly break the stiff vibe. Both girls stared at him, bewildered. Thoughtless sincerity, it was. He kept his eyes on SG.

"When you arrived, one of your most common conversations was how much you hated that successful gladiator called 'Harpy'. You never said much about your past, but you jumped on any occasion to badmouth her. I think she's the part we know the most about."

"Cruel, vicious, loved wrong by all the worst people… You did everything you could to make us fear and hate her." Aran confirmed when Zax glanced at her. She didn't know where he was going, but she trusted him to not make things worse. "It worked, but you never told us what she looked like. I did find that strange."

"Ah, I hadn't thought about that." Zax blinked. "Your mutation makes you look like an actual harpy – the creature – so I figured a part of you at least admired her. Like, wishing for her strength, or her bold confidence or something. Fits with how clean your transition from human to not human part is."

"I remember that part." Aran reminisced. "You explained it with something like… self-hatred for doing what she needed to do to survive?"

"Exactly." He nodded but kept his attention on SG. "In any case, your history had to be more complex than you wanted to admit. Especially to yourself."

SG was staring at him, petrified and speechless.

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Not ideal, but it was something. Yay, progress?

"Guess I was technically correct, but I thought we had made progress on your self-esteem." Self-hatred. "It might be deeper than I expected. Thinking back, I'm sadly appealed I didn't notice sooner. You don't let yourself enjoy things. Even now, I'm not sure I understand. Who, or what, is 'Harpy', to you? It wasn't just your name…"

The SG ball fidgeted, her metal stool audibly squeaking at the rhythm of her clenching talons, but she couldn't break eye contact. Her meal was forgotten in front of her. Whatever she was looking for in his eyes, she must've found it, as she relented:

"She was, who I needed to be, in the arena." She cast her eyes down and whimpered. Had the room not been totally silent, it would've been inaudible. Even the mice kept quiet. "A role, for audience ratings. Nobody remembers my real name anymore. Not even I. Nobody cared. The trainers. The healers. The opponents. The audience. All they knew, all they wanted was 'Harpy'. That's all they wanted me to be. So that's all I was, every time someone could see me."

"And you hated it." It was not a question.

"Of course I did! How could I possibly like it! Like her? Like being her!? She's a freak made to please monsters!" She shouted. "There's nothing good in her! All that seem good is a setup to make an even worse payback!" Her voice broke.

"Too bad to be true, uh?" Aran contemplated. She hesitated, but managed to hold back on hugging her friend. "Probably why she was so popular."

"Also explains some of your quirks." Zax added. "Your impressive acting skills, for example. Without your nanites I would've missed it most times. And why you use so few words. You spent so long speaking her ideas with her voice, you forgot yours. What you, SG, wants to say, and how."

"So that's why you didn't say a word yesterday!" Aran burst out. "You didn't want to bring her back, and you didn't have anything to say!"

"Was part of your stress because you were afraid of slipping back in… her role, if a fight broke out?" Zax queried.

Behind the bewilderment at her friend's reactions, SG's eye answered for her.

Fear of losing control + Past trauma…

"Living in a role so deep and so long, and the line between she and you hasn't blurred? That's… frankly impressive." Aran commented, awed.

"Probably because they are so different." Opposite? Hmm. "What about your skill?" Zax suddenly changed the subject.

"Uh?"

"Your fighting style is acrobatic. You don't like to fight, but your smile is always the brightest when you do acrobatics. And you're awesome at both. What do you think?"

"I… like free running? And acrobatics… It's like, I can, go anywhere. Almost like… flying." A fleeting smile crossed her face. And a blush too?

"And Harpy? Does she like flying?"

"Er, maybe?" SG felt something strange. It was the first time someone asked about her character like it was a character. Not as herself. She found herself genuinely pondering. "She never had the occasion to do it for fun. I, think, she would've liked it? It's something to hold above others…"

"What about training? Did you train fighting skills and acrobatics separately, then merged them?"

"Ah, no. We only trained in fighting. Using the environment was part of it, but it only became acrobatic when my mutations started. I only trained in, pure parkour? With you guys."

"I see…" Zax muttered.

It could mean… I'll have to test it. Later.

"What?"

"There were things you liked in your former life. You enjoy acting stories and being applauded for a performance. You just didn't like the audience and the role. And being forced to play, I guess."

"You managed to find small spots of light in the darkness." Aran supplemented.

"And those spots are still precious to you." Zax nodded. "I think you want to leave everything from that life behind, but you're ashamed because you don't want to let go of those parts."

SG's eyes widened. her shivers came back in force. Bull's-eye.

"Now that's the thing: you don't have to. You can't choose what life throws at you. You can only choose how you react to it. How you let it shape you. And I can tell, without a hint of a doubt, you made it shape you in the best person you could be."

"We know you already killed. And we know you hated it." Aran declared. "That doesn't make you a bad person. Don't think we didn't notice that nobody was seriously hurt yesterday. With how outnumbered we were, accidental deaths would've been perfectly natural, and you couldn't have been blamed for a few not-so-accidental ones. We were attacked! We did nothing to deserve it, and they came at us! And you still went out of your way to make sure nobody was hurt."

"… I would've blamed me." The winged girl muttered, looking away again.

"My point exactly. You are not a bad person. You understand how precious life is. Even theirs. Probably better than we do. Because of your experiences. The good has weight because of the bad. That's why you can't forget. Why you don't have to forget. Why you shouldn't."

"I, It's, I-"

SG was swaying on her seat, but she wasn't reflexively rejecting the idea anymore. She only needed a final push.

Zax was happy to deliver:

"And part of you already knows it. That's why you can't decide how to wear your bracelet. You do know how you want it. You just don't want to see it yourself."

Silence. There was nothing to add. The feathered woman withdrew in her own mind, and her friends let her. She wasn't isolating herself this time; she was pondering.

Breakfast ended without a word. Same for the way to the shop.

Before working, SG perused an aisle. Zax was watching from the counter, but he didn't say anything either. It was the bracelet aisle. The selection in the shop wasn't large, but she found a suitable one and bought it with her own salary.

It was supposed to cover the forearm, but she wore it on her left talon, just below the heel-equivalent. It didn't hinder her movement, and her custom shoes had already shown anything after her knee didn't change in bulk during exercise. The doter staple would stay snugly in place no matter how fast or and how much she moved. No need for customisation, yet.

She also passed a silicon thread through her first bracelet and put it around her neck.

She didn't explain. She didn't need to.

Zax respected her silence and answered in kind, but his pride was radiating off him and his smile.

That was her choice.

To keep using her talons as primary manipulators; as life had trained her to.

To use her wings and try to get hands back; as she now had the freedom to.

To use her past to carry her future.

Recognise and actualise.

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