"How can nano-technology behave like something that opposes technology at its core!?" Zax shouted his frustration to his friends as they played a video game in the living room. "Or is it 3G that behaves like technology??"

He was obsessing over the question for days and wasn't any closer to an answer. It took so much of his mental space he had to ration his study time again. It was even more frustrating than usual, because each session showed not progress at all!

Skill books were basically a solved question, he had even set a passive program to detect and record the skills they used in their daily life. With their agreement, of course. Was there a point? Who knew? It's was just fun, really. The idea of a library with every skill ever was nowhere in their minds, but it didn't cost anything to start.

The resonance, on the other hand, kept eluding him. Which might not be unrelated with the current headache. Aran couldn't help feeling amused; he was usually so assured in his mastery.

"By the way, I remembered something a few days ago, but I keep forgetting." She tried as a diversion. "You never told me what you thought of my tail."

"Hm?"

Diversion succeeded; he was totally nonplussed by the non-sequitur. So was SG. The gamer girl wasn't the type to fish for compliments.

"When we first met, I remember you saying it was remarkable in some way I didn't understand, but you didn't want to tell me before you were done with my template." She absentmindedly petted the appendage in her lap.

"Ah, right. Then there was the issue with your graft and by the time it was solved it was old news."

"Sooo?"

"You scolded me for publicly exposing something so intimate, and more than once. Are you sure you want me to say it aloud, right here and now?" He raised an eyebrow.

Only SG was in the room with them, but the principle still applied.

"… Is it that bad?" She side-eyed him, frowning.

"I forgot the details. I don't think so. But I remember thinking you wouldn't want some parts to spread. Maybe it was something embarrassing?"

SG tried to hide her interest, pretending to be focused on her game. The game over screen marked her failure.

"Ok, you win. Tell me later."

"I'll mail your file. You can read at your leisure."

"Works for me."

Later that night, Aran was reading her own file, in the comfort of her couch with nothing but the sheets on.

It was… a lot more than she expected. She literally only had a tail. Even if it was a unique tail, and a "wonderful example of duality", there could only be so much to say about it, right? Wrong!

It was not a few pages of text, with maybe a few sketches and comparisons. What she found was more than a thousand pages of theories, explanations, diagrams and graphics. Not idle reflexions either. It had a coherent structure, links to bibliographic references, antecedents and even counterarguments to the points it was trying to make. Questions were asked about every aspect, including some she had never considered. Or known to be a thing. Causes, consequences, process, progress, each with physical and psychological sub-sections, potential developments and how to favour or avoid them… None were certain, most mere suggestions, but all had at least two directions for future discussions.

This coaching thing is a lot more complex than I thought.

Most technical names and scientific conventions went over the foxy girl's head, she skimmed those parts. She understood the essence of what it was trying to convey: her tail had both feline and canine characteristics, most likely a house cat and a fox. It was remarkable because besides cosmetic traits, the features of a second foreign organism usually appeared once the first one's were fully established, not before.

"So I'm supposed to be as fox as I had to before the cat parts appeared, or the opposite. But even with only a tail, both are… competing? for the first place…" She muttered under her breath.

It does sound weird when it's presented like that.

Intrigued despite herself, she read the final conclusion aloud, at low volume:

"Subject mutation is a reflexion of her lifestyle, split between what she naturally tends towards and what she is constantly actively training (see "Nature VS Culture" discussions). Both aspects are unrelated, but not opposing or incompatible. Which side feeding which mutation is a debatable point, but this ambiguity and the aspects' synergy would only support this unusual coexistence. Her childhood trauma could also explain her subconscious desperately hanging on to perceived survival traits despite her lack of conscious interest."

Wait, what "childhood trauma"?

Frowning, she went back to the psychological section of the relevant chapter.

Again, a lot of guesswork when her tail was involved, but solid foundations based on her history and personality. Aran couldn't deny those, much to her chagrin. She truly was a gamer to the core, and she did tend to present herself as what others wanted her to be.

The profiling branching from there sounded like speculation, but it… made sense, somehow. It fit together, at least. It reminded her of past dilemmas she faced, and even without the details of the situations, it was accurate to her mental state at the time and the decision she took. Or refused to take. Or, failed to take.

It even hinted at things she hadn't thought about for years and forgotten. Things she definitely never mentioned around Zax.

Shaking the thought away, Aran looked for mentions of the alleged trauma. It wasn't highlighted, just an argument among others, so it took some time, but she eventually found it.

Night terrors.

She had had a few crises when she was a child, but as unpleasant as the experience had been, it had been brief. Light medication had solved the issue in, what, a few weeks? A month, tops.

Sure, she never knew why it had happened, but it didn't matter anymore, right?

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Still, something gnawed at her certitude. Zax had never hinted at something being wrong with her, but it sounded serious.

Reading further, among the list of possible causes leading to her current state, something caught her eye. A few elements, although unremarkable among the others, kept catching her eye.

Wait, is that it?

Someone close to her lying to her for her own good, someone close to her being hurt because she was too open and blatant, frequent but weak relationships being normalised...

Sorting the right pieces from the wrong ones, she was reminded of an old recurring nightmare. It had stopped before the night terrors started though, and never came back since, but it did fit…

It wasn't a dream?

The mere idea shook her to the core. She sat up in her bed, hot and panting, heart beating up a storm, her eyes staring in the void. In the past.

It really happened?

She had never considered it, but it seemed so obvious now.

She actually… because of me?

It explained so much of her childhood. Things she had never questioned but seemed so strange now. The work hours. The steady flow of unknown but varied people. Not being allowed to talk to them. The reluctance to talk about her father. The motherly advices that made so easy to make others share a room or just one more a meal…

It was all true.

Undeniability weighted on her shoulders. The tailed girl collapsed in a ball and hid beneath the covers. She didn't bother trying to sleep. She spent what felt like hours under there, eyes unblinking, rehashing memories under a new lens, taunted by her own past, trying to untangle her tumultuous emotions.

Who am I?

What am I?

What does it mean?

She didn't sleep that night.

***

When the next day started, Zax was mutely greeted by SG alone. She was preparing the pills for their breakfast, slightly concerned eyes. Aran was usually the first awake, even when she was the last to leave. A quick glance showed the foxy girl was still on the unfolded couch, hidden under the sheets. Her breathing was deep and slow, nearly roaring in the quiet of the room. It didn't sound like a health issue, but nor like sleep either.

Zax nodded to SG and quietly moved closer to the couch. Her nanites hadn't send an alarm, but he didn't exactly have a live feed of her vitals.

"Aran? It's getting late." He poked at the mound under the sheet.

No reaction. Not even the breathing sound changed.

"Aran? Are you alright?" Now actually concerned, Zax slowly pulled the sheet off.

She looked awful. Dark ring under red and unblinking eyes, clammy skin sticking to the bedsheet, and she didn't react when called.

"No, you're not. What happened?"

He mentally activated her Zax-Box stored under the couch and started the live feed. At the same time, he touched her arm and she finally moved, startled. He moved his arm back, not wanting to make things worse.

"Wh- wha-" She took a second to get her bearing. Zax noticed the active pad in her bed, open at a familiar page.

Oh.

"Zax. SG." She looked at them like a free-falling man staring at a parachute just out of reach. She forced through hardly repressed sobs, her voice broken. "Who, am, I?"

Zax kneeled on the bed next to her, SG on the other side.

"Despite everything, you are still you." He didn't know what part of his report had put her in that state, but it didn't matter. He had first-hand experience wrangling that kind of doubt. "Nothing more, nothing less."

SG took them both in her embrace, demanding a group hug with her large wingspan. No one complained.

The distressed girl's breathing eventually turned back to normal, her fist clenching around SG's feathers and Zax's shirt. She settled her breath with a last deep inspiration, her decision taken.

"I'll be both." She whispered.

Before he could ask, Zax felt something traverse his whole body and he fainted.

He woke up to panicked shouts from a female voice. It sounded both too far away to understand and close enough to make him wince. He hoped she was fine. What a splitting headache. It was hard to think. Did he fall asleep? He felt warm all over, his body too heavy to move but not uncomfortable. It was like a heavy blanket made of love and lead. He wanted to dive back in the serenity of sleep, but the distressed sounds anchored him. She needed help. Maybe he could do something? He would have to open his eyes though. There was something familiar with her voice, but the molasses in his brain made it hard to remember.

As if a switch had been flipped, the physical and mental mud disappeared. His eyes snapped open and he sat straight up. He was on the couch, SG removing her protective wings, Aran scrambling to the stock of working bracelets. She startled and jumped to him.

"I'm fine. I'm… fine." He repeated after checking himself and getting confirmation from his nanites. "It's over."

That was when he noticed Aran's changes. She hadn't bothered putting clothes on, so it was unmissable. Her skin was a shade or two darker, her hands and feet adorned with black fur and claws, but still hands and feet. Her 3G had activated under emotional pressure, guided by her decision, mutation her body further. An accomplishment for a dotter, but…

"How long was I out?"

"I dunno, one minute? No, less than that." Aran blinked. SG nodded her agreement. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I felt something through my body, I think from your activation, then I woke up with a nasty headache, then it was over. What was it like for you?"

"Not much?" They shrugged. "You made a weird noise when I started glowing, but we thought it was just surprise. You collapsed just as it ended. SG covered you for protection, just in case, and I called the emergencies." She lifted her hand with the working but blank bracelet. The useless shell of her old one was still on her arm. "Tried to, at least, but you woke up before I could re-set my account."

"Glad it's over. Can I look?" Zax eagerly stared at her new additions.

Slight tan, possibly related to a general enhancement.

"Shouldn't we go the healing centre?" She raised an eyebrow as she let him take her hand in his.

"Do you feel pain or discomfort?" He lifted his eyes to hers, alarmed.

"For you, dumbass." She deadpanned.

"Oh. No need, it's over." He turned back to the matter at hand.

Thin, soft, uniform fur. Covers everything but the inner part of the hand. Typical.

"Yes need! We don't know what happened, and you're not going to be the so-called smart character who makes all the dumb decision in the horror movie." She stated, SG nodding vigorously at their side.

"We're not in a movie, it can wait. This is more important and you're just here."

Thicker skin in general. Coloured cals, will become paw pads. Pink and black pads, interesting.

Knowing he wouldn't change his mind, the newly low-intermediate mutant changed tactics.

"This is important too." She pulled her hand back, hanging it above his head just out of reach. Had she grown taller? "You can infuse me new nanites now, but we're going as soon as it's done. You can scan me on the way."

"Works for me." He nodded.

She gave her hand back so he could finish quickly.

What's up with those claws?

At first glance, they were ordinary permanent claws, too short to be useful because unfinished; typical canine trait. Pressing around their roots revealed they were slightly retracted. Not much, but enough to clearly be a feature, not a bug.

Too long for retractable claws, too short for non-retractable ones.

Strange, but it fit with her general motif. He would have to check for precedents. The shape was off too, another hint that she wasn't finished, or of her duality. Or both.

"Done with the preliminary observations. Let's move on to- what?"

Something in his HUD stopped him mid-sentence. His eyes wide as he struggled to process the information.

"What? What!?" Aran shook his shoulder, worried it was a side effect of whatever had knocked him out before.

"Your… your nanites… are fine. 77.8% of the initial load is left, operating within normal parameters. More wear than normal over-time-use, but way less than an activation should have left."

"What? What does that mean?"

Zax took a moment to think. He pressed and overturned his brain for any hint of an explanation, any shadow of a possibility, no matter how farfetched and unlikely. In the end, he only had one answer to give. It cost him greatly to admit it:

"I have no idea."

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