I pretended that I couldn't feel the warmth from her bare legs on my lap as I took a breath.

Azuki reached into her Ziplock bag and crunched on some Nerds.

"The monk took his brand new tanuki kettle back to his room at the monastery. A little bit later, he decided he wanted to make some tea," I said.

She grinned, and I could see a million different colors sticking to her teeth and all of them were wrong.

Crayola's unwanted children.

"Was it teatime?" she asked.

I shrugged.

"I don't know. The monk just wanted some tea."

"With lemon?" she asked.

My soul wanted to leave my body. If Azuki's thighs hadn't been anchoring me in place, it would've.

"Why not?" I asked as calmly as possible.

She blinked.

"Where'd he get the lemons? Were they tanuki too?"

Was she trying to turn my frustration into something?

"Azuki," I said between clenched teeth. "Just let me finish the story, okay?"

She looked at me, genuinely confused.

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"Sure, Inego. I wasn't trying to stop you. I was just curious about the lemons. Oh! I've got some Sour Lemonheads!"

She reached into her bag and handed me a box.

"Want some?" she asked.

I felt her shift her weight, subtly, and her grin widened.

Yeah. And the Lemonheads sound good too.

I grabbed a Lemonhead.

"So, the monk, he goes to put the kettle on," I said, trying to ignore the sound of candy clinking against my teeth.

I felt Azuki tense with excitement.

"Oh! I know what happens next!" she said.

I waved her on.

"He puts the tanuki teapot on the fire, and the teapot yelled!"

Finally!

"Yes," I said, triumphantly. "Right! Because it burnt the tanuki. And it turned back into its tanuki form and ran away."

She nodded.

"Yeah! But not me!"

Lord, of course not. This is my personal hell.

She scooted a little closer, grinning so wide her dimples looked like they were trying to escape her face.

"I'm not like those other tanuki teapots," she said, fluttering her lashes. "You could pour hot tea in me all day and I wouldn't even flinch."

I choked on a Lemonhead.

She leaned in, eyes glittering, cheeks flushed.

"I want your English tea," she whispered, voice full of fake innocence and 100% Azuki mischief,

I felt my soul begin to wither.

"—in my Japanese kettle."

And then she giggled, and my soul died.

"Oh my god," I said. "No. Azuki, no."

"What?" she said, still laughing. "I'm just a thirsty tanuki!"

"You know damn well what you're doing," I muttered.

She glanced away and gave a small shrug.

"No," I said, standing up. "You don't get to play the innocent card after that 'English tea' and 'Japanese kettle' line."

I watched as her whole body glitched and changed colors from pink to red and finally maroon.

Then she fixed her glasses, leapt up from the couch, and stood before me. She shifted from one dirty bare foot to the other and she twisted a strand of hair around one of her fingers. Finally, she looked up at me with wide, glassy eyes.

I knew that look.

"Okay," she said, drawing the word out an extra two syllables. "I'm sorry."

I crossed my arms.

"You're 'thirsty,' huh?" I asked.

She perked up and nodded.

And I let out a long sigh.

"Well, then we'd better make some damn English tea," I said.

She put her hands behind her and grinned.

"I thought you might say that."

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