Dear Diary,

I worry about Tallulah. Not just the normal 'hey, she seems like she's drifting into our orbit, and I'm not sure exactly why or what she wants out of it' kind of worry, either. I mean, honestly I haven't worried too much about that before, but that's because everybody near us winds up pretty clearly defined somehow. Saffron is my partner, my smarter half. Marie is the wifiest wife to ever wife. Siobhan is our cute paramour and mom number four for our kids. Lachlan and Carruthers are friends with benefits. Same goes for Silk, although Panther really falls more under 'Worshipper with benefits', although he's still a friend. So I guess he's in a kind of weird place, but he's not literally in my head twenty four seven, and he's only been in my bed like two, maybe three times if you count the time out inn the woods.

But Tallulah is in my head. Karen is too, but she's pretty clearly along that same 'friends with benefits' and 'Worshipper' line that Panther is on, only maybe a little more so in both dimensions. But Tallulah... I don't get her. She's not the greatest co-parent in the world for Ria, but she's learning, improving, spending more time being a mom for her than being an Overlord to her, which is pretty much what she'd been when I found them both. Yeah, since Muscogee she's been a very frequent sex partner, but I'm not sure whether she's playing a role, planning an heir, or perhaps testing the waters for something deeper, something more intimate.

If that last one's true, I'm not sure if I really want that. I mean, I'm not totally dead set against it, obviously, or I wouldn't be talking it out here in my diary. But it's not a thing like Saffron or Marie or Siobhan, either. With each of them things felt absolutely natural, like I was coming home. Like each of them were just supposed to be someone living in my house, sleeping in my bed, mothering my kids. Tallulah's different. But I said that already. She's standoffish, but then that's not got anything to do with me or mine. She's just naturally like that. She's also very hyper controlled about everything, and I'm not sure if that would wind up being hyper controlling when it comes to intimate partners. I mean, she hasn't been anywhere near as domineering as Saffron, or even Marie, when it comes to happy fun time, and she's pretty much...

Y'know, I just realized, when she comes over to our house, as opposed to coming in our Bed, she sets that aside. She's very clearly not in charge. Actually it's beyond that. She's utterly reactive and passive. I'm not quite sure what that means. Not sure what I can do to figure it out, either.

Other than, y'know, grow up and act like a mature adult woman and actually ask her what she's looking for and why. Although I might want to talk with Saffron, Marie, and Siobhan before I do that. So, y'know, future plans. But not right now, because I have a birthday to deal with tomorrow.

So yesterday I took the pot back, only to find the entire shack more or less empty. I'd cleaned it and the bread basket, dried them, and I left them sitting on one of the tables.

Spent most of my focus for the day tryna get Siobhan into some kind of state where I could talk to her about Tallulah. Because right now I think she's a little too distracted for any kind of serious discussion. Once I had her and everyone else, Tallulah included, settled in the dining room, with everyone pampering her, I stepped over to the New Amsterdam Temple.

Dana had my Clergy and temple volunteers waiting, although before we started they called me over. "Goddess, are you certain you wouldn't prefer, well..." I tilted my head and waited, holding their hands so they knew I wasn't upset, just confused. "You've spent many nights here. Many Revels. Are you certain you don't want to perhaps handle more than one person at a time?"

I must have frowned, because they winced. I pulled them into a hug. "No, I'm not mad at you. Was this your idea?"

They shook their head, but said, "we all discussed it. While all would be disappointed, none would be upset."

I smiled, hugged them, then waved them back as I raised my voice just enough to be heard. "No, Dana. I won't be changing how I do things just because there are more of you than I thought. I won't be having more than one of you up here on the Altar with me at a time unless, like Andre and Andrea, that is your deepest, darkest, most passionate desire." I smirked at the speculative looks on a few of them. "Yeah, that means both of you wanting that. Or all of you. You want to get with somebody else in line, you talk with them about that. Like adults."

I held out my arms to the first one in line, and she walked up, glancing over her shoulder at the crowd behind her, then back up to me. "What's your name?"

"Jaelynn, Goddess."

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I pulled her in and held her in my arms, letting her Soul wash over me as she relaxed. When I realized, I smiled. "Didn't have time to talk to the others, huh?" She shook her head. "Still want to?" She nodded. So I Co-Located behind her and put my arms around her. Then did it again, and again. Jaelynn got her private little orgy, just her and me, while my Worshippers watched and waited with bated breath for their turn.

Strangest thing; I felt no jealousy, and precious little envy. Just... anticipation.

Anticipation I tried not to disappoint. Rory wanted two of me, although he had no idea what to do with one of me, let alone two. But that let me whisper advice in his ear while he did his Goddess' work.

Diane wanted gentle, inexorable passion, wearing her away until she lay limp on the altar.

Jamie, who wanted everyone to look at her, to see her as the most beautiful woman in the room. Which, for as long as she could stand it, she was.

Then Alyssa, who desperately wanted time alone with me, with no one watching. So I whispered to Dana to keep everyone else waiting, then pushed my Blend up until we were a dream. I thought she'd be quiet, demure. She was not. Not even slightly. I now understand why my ladies like my loss of control so much.

Then, last for the night, Alastair, who had some really specific needs, ones I had to call on my Murder Mittens to fulfill. Like, not in person, but if I'm gonna break skin on purpose, I'm gonna make sure there's no long term consequences. My Murder Mittens, she's got Skills. Alastair's now got scars, but no debilitating ones.

When I looked out at the end of the night, the line had got kinda short. Maybe one more night here, maybe two. I stepped over, gave them all a hug, and stepped away.

Took my kids to school, then spent the day teaching. Also did all the other daily stuff I do; Maid and Bodyguard and Infirmary keeper. I watched over Siobhan, and even managed to get a full meal into her and help her keep it down. Okay, a very small meal, but still.

I also stepped over to Conrad's Workshop to pick up a few things for tomorrow.

Finally I stepped back to Johnny's place. Where Johnny sat at one of the tables, a robed, hooded figure next to him.

"I thought you'd be here last night."

I shrugged. "I had things to do. Worshippers. Temple. Revel."

"So... my.... Ria's birthday?"

I looked at the hooded figure, and sighed. "Adrienne Crow?"

Johnny snorted. "Told you. She's not as dim as she seems."

"How long have you guys been waiting here for me?"

Adrienne shrugged. "Not long. Since last night."

"Last... How is that not long? It's been what, twenty hours?"

She smiled. "The older I get, the less time seems to matter."

"Do I even want to ask how old you are?"

"It would be rude, so, no?"

I chuckled. "So. You down to come to Ria's party tomorrow?"

"I... I cannot."

I didn't look at Johnny... Jack. I definitely didn't look at him. "Just so you know, your sister is my Foster daughter. I love her as much as any of my girls. I'm currently resizing The Morrigan's intestinal tract to fit around one of my bigger tentacles because she hurt Ria. I took Tallulah on as a High Priestess entirely to help protect my little Sidhe girl."

Jack stayed silent, but Adrienne asked, "and?"

"Adrienne Crow is my daughter Ria's favorite sister. If I discovered someone was keeping her against her will, I might feel some kinda way about that. Briefly. Until whoever was keeping her decided they weren't going to be keeping her due to a lack of ability to do anything complicated like keeping her. Or breathing."

She turned to face me as she talked, her mouth dropping open. The moment I stopped talking, she waved her hands. "No! No, no, no! Nothing like that! I..."

Jack laid a hand on her arm, and she went silent. "You would threaten me, here, in my place of power?"

"To protect my girl's sister? Fuck yeah I would."

He just stared at me. "Protect her. From me." I nodded. He'd gone that very special kind of still that presaged extreme violence in people who knew what to look for.

"Will you two just stop!" We both turned to look at her. "He's not keeping me prisoner here! We're... I stay here with him because he..." She stopped, choking unnaturally.

I looked at him. "You doing that?"

He shook his head. "She promised not to tell. She's Sidhe enough she can't."

"So. Can you tell me? 'Cause I think Ria would be pissed if I annoyed her sister too much for her to come to her party."

He looked at Adrienne, who nodded. "She's helping me."

"With?"

"Personal matters. I didn't coerce her. I... wouldn't do that."

"No?" He shook his head. Bristled a little. That's when she lay a hand on his arm, and he... relaxed. I realized right then. I'd seen that before. That kind of body language. "Holy shit, you guys are an item?" They both looked at me. "A couple? He and she becoming they? Friends with benefits or more? Boyfriend and girlfriend? Oh, shit, husband and wife? Secret husband and wife? Does Ria have a niece or nephew running around..."

"NO!" Adrienne squeaked out. "No! Not... no, nothing like that." I realized right then that the two of them were deeply deluded about their own relationship. Okay, not deluded about what it was, but maybe both of them deluding themselves about what they both wanted. "But... I must stay near Jack."

I looked at her. Then at him. Then back at her. "Do you want to come to Ria's party?"

She sighed. "I do miss her."

I shrugged. "Okay. Bring him. I can totally deal with him being your plus one."

Jack looked at me. "You'd invite me into your home?"

"Pretty sure I just did."

He opened his mouth, then shook his head. "I... I cannot. I cannot leave my home unguarded."

"Your home? This place?" He nodded. "Okay. I can be there and here. I'll keep an eye on things for you."

Jack's head tilted sideways. Then he looked at Adrienne. "You want this?"

"Please."

Jack turned to me and held out a hand. "So. Adrienne and I visit your home for your daughter's party, and you watch my place until I return?"

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