Dear Diary,

"Everyone gets a chance, No matter where they are from, A chance to live their own life." - Tabitha Diaz, Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism

In this, the third Verse of the Book of Egalitarianism, Tabitha makes it clear what she means by Egalitarianism. She tells us clearly that it means no matter their origin, everyone must have the opportunity to live their own life, make their own choices. To employ the Agency she values more than anything else. - Priestess Most High Above All Others, Archmage Imperator Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Commentary on the Doctrine of Tabitha

Okay, yeah, I think she nailed this one. I mean, there are some nuances that matter, but the core of it is exactly what she said here. Then again, I don't remember if I explained those nuances in later Verses at this point. Like, I know I should have, but I'm not sure if I did, because those few months are still kinda hazy. Some of that might be lingering after effects of the Blessing, I'm sure, but I'm also certain some of it is from the trauma I racked up during that time.

Seriously, if anything stands out, it's the trauma from that Season. Oddly enough, the mental trauma of being lost in a strange City for a day isn't really a problem, at least I don't think so. My ladies found me, took me home, and cared for me. They showed me, in every way they could, that I was safe and cared for. That really does help, in the long run, I think. But the physical shit that happened is something else entirely. Yeah, I didn't destroy myself at the end of the season, but right off the top of my head I remember getting blown up by a high capacity Cold Iron fragmentation shell, blowing up a chunk of that fragmentation shell when I Translocated away from the explosion, melting my own fucking head off with the Cold Iron helmet which, unless I miss my guess, is now both denatured and spread around the Courtyard, and finally... Yeah, that Machine is something I can't even really think about without shuddering. Without my mind shying away from it.

That's something nobody told me about when I went looking for help with trauma. They told me to 'be strong' or 'try and heal'. Some of them talked about 'coming to terms with what happened'. The trouble is that to come to terms with that, I needed to remember it, and trauma fucks with memory. Which means I'm sure I've got shit in my head that's keeping me from healing, but to heal I have to remember, but to remember I have to heal. Total Catch-22 situation.

Old as shit library. It was in the 'new releases' section.

So yesterday after a nice, quiet day of doing everything everywhere all at once, but in a calm, quiet, productive way, I walked into the Academy suite wearing my Maid uniform with a big covered tray in my hands. Saffron glanced over, then slowly turned her head to look again. "Wasn't lunch hours ago?"

"Yeah," I said, my tentacles wrapping around her, lifting her, as I dropped the empty tray and Co-Located around her. "But I've got a Revel to attend tonight, so you need all that stress removed before dinner."

"You know you could," she gasped, interrupting herself, "let the others take care of that?"

"Oh, don't worry, they will," I whispered into her ear, then grinned as I took away her ability to respond.

Dropped her off, limp and pliable, in Tallulah's lap in the dining room. "Make sure she gets a decent dinner in her?"

"Of course, Tabitha."

After quick kisses and hugs for the whole family before I left for the night, I stepped to the Temple in Phileo, dropping my Blend as I did. Karen stood from where she sat on the Altar, turning toward me and stepping away. "Goddess! I wasn't aware you'd be here tonight!"

I half stepped just close enough to scoop her up, pulling her to me to maybe nibble at, maybe whisper in her ear. "Not staying long, Karen. Just needed a couple favors from you maybe?"

"I am yours to command, Goddess," she murmured, going a little bit limp her own self, kinda melting as my tentacles wrapped around her, supporting her. I whispered what I needed into her ear, and when I finished, she nodded. "Of course, Tabitha."

"Thanks, Karen," I said as I stood, setting her back where she had been, sitting on the Altar bed throne thing in the middle of my Temple. "Knew I could count on you." I might have tagged her with a little targeted Mana to make her grin a little wider, let her know I absolutely approved of her filling in for me while I was elsewhere.

Then I stepped to the Temple in New Amsterdam. Dana saw me, recognized me, and said, "Goddess. We weren't expecting you so soon."

I pulled them to me, enveloping them in a gentle hug, my Blend going up around us as it did. "Just stopping in to ask a favor from you."

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When I'd finished talking to them, they nodded and said, "let it be so."

With a final gentle squeeze, I stepped down to Calverton, where Olga had the congregation... singing. Yeah, one guess what. Fuckers teaming up on me in the whole 'fuck with Tabitha' thing. I mean, I shouldn't complain, this is just my own terrible joke coming back to bite me a few inches forward of my butt. But I had a mission tonight, so I pulled Olga over, quietly whispered until she nodded, then flopped back onto my Altar, smiling and trying not to drool as waves of Worship and song washed over me.

Then my first partner of the night walked up, looking super shy. When they looked up at me, I didn't recognize them. Slim, androgynous, unlike most of my congregation covering themselves with a cloak. I wasn't really worried about something nefarious. Even with only one of me extant, I was pretty sure anybody coming at me right here in my Holy Ground during a Worship session would get manhandled something awful. So I reached out, laid my hands on their shoulders, and said, "You're new here." They nodded. "What's your name?"

"Casey," they whispered.

I tugged the cloak enough so they knew what I was talking about. "Isn't this a little bit roasting, Casey?"

They nodded. "I..." When they stuttered to a stop, I brushed the hair out of their eyes, opening myself up, looking into that spot in them. It came slowly, a weird kind of vision of them right as they were, front and center in front of me. Without the cloak, though.

"You want to take it off?" They shrugged. "You want me to take it off you?" They winced, but nodded. I lifted the cloak just enough to take the weight off their shoulders, untying the cloth strap holding it on with my tentacles. "You sure?" I tilted their chin back with another tentacle, smiling softly. "Casey, this time is for you. If you want it off, it comes off. If you want it on, it stays on."

"I'm... I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

They took a deep breath, looked down at my lap. "I'm... I'm a fake."

"You mean you're not one of my Worshippers?" They shrugged. "I mean, I guess you don't have to be?" Their gaze jerked up to meet mine, although I'd kinda looked away at the ceiling, pondering. "This is all temple volunteers and Clergy, right?" They nodded. "Don't think the rules say I have to be your Patron or anything, so... fake how?"

They blinked. "I... Really?" I nodded. "But why?" I tilted my head, and they went on to ask, "why do something like this for, for someone who isn't even Worshipping you?"

I shrugged. "I could say something really calculating like, 'the rest of the congregation is still Worshipping', or 'because then maybe you'll start'. I'm sure I could come up with bullshit lines that make practical sense all night long, but the truth?" I waited until they nodded. "The truth is, you helped out around here. My Temples help people. Help me to help people. Help people in my name. So the least I can do for you helping me, helping my Temple, helping my people? Is to reward you, just like I would anybody else."

"Even someone like me?" They slumped, confused, and I... I'm not sure how to describe it. Concentrated on seeing that deep, secret place inside them, which mostly had to do with relaxing and opening myself to it. It took a moment, because so many of my people wanted things that were so fuckin' freaky it took a Goddess to fulfill them, or stuff they had no embarrassment over, but figured they'd never get again because they were too old, too sick, too whatever. Casey... Casey was so fuckin' embarrassed, so convinced that they were undeserving of what they wanted. Something so simple.

I gripped the shoulders of that cloak like a drowning woman clinging to a life preserver. "May I?" I asked, my eyes locked below her neck. They swallowed, nodded, and I ripped the cloak away, flinging it to... fuck if I know. Away. I looked at them, still entirely uncertain of their gender, and breathed out, "perfect."

Because right then, right there, with their need echoing through me, guiding me, driving me, they absolutely were. I reached for them. Tentacles, hands, lips. They tensed, and I froze. "May I?"

"What?" They breathed.

"Anything. Everything." I paused, and they trembled, frozen. "Please?"

Their eyes shot wide open and they lunged at me, lips locking to mine, innocent hands clutching at my tentacles. The first moment they came up for breath, they whispered, "everything?"

"Is that a yes?"

"Please."

I tilted their head back so they looked me in the eyes, my hands and tentacles exploring them, delighted by every surprising discovery. I watched them watching me as I sang, "Everything it is, then."

I smiled into Casey's lips as I briefly thought about how I ought to be rewarding my Kitten for that useful little mental button. Fortunately, I'd already started arranging for that.

In the morning, as I got the kids ready for school, started my Maid routines, began my daily process of coaxing food into Siobhan, and opened the Infirmary for business, I took Saffron in my arms and whispered, "sleep well?"

She murmured back, "so well. Karen performed her duties as Highest Priestess most satisfactorily."

I fake frowned. "Gonna replace me now?"

She rolled her eyes, kissed me, then said, "hardly, Goof. As you very well know."

"Ready to get to work?"

"Whenever you are, my love."

Filled her with syrup laden waffles before we left. Then slipped a few more in once I got her secured in her seat. As she swallowed the last one, she murmured, "so attentive lately. Should I be worried?"

I shrugged. "I think it's just what I do when I'm not recovering from injuries or tryna save the world."

"Pamper your family?"

"Yep."

"Most especially me?"

"Yep."

"What was that hilarious phrase I've heard you use? 'Oh, no! Anyway.'," she giggled out, then sighed. "A woman could get used to pampering like this."

"Just don't run away when life, Murphy, and the Fates inevitably gang up to fuck with us?"

"Of course not, love. When that happens I will, as always, eagerly await your return, whether that means I must nurse you back to health, celebrate your victory with you, or my favorite of all, act as your Heroine's Reward as is right and just and good."

I kissed her neck, murmured, "time to change the world," and started my day as her built in massage seat cushion. Good way to spend the day. Might have gotten a little enthusiastic with the 'de-stressing' part of her lunch time pit stop. Screw it, she deserved a little mid day nap.

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