Dear Diary,

"Do your best, expect to fail, Get back up and try again, And let others do the same." - Tabitha Diaz, Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption

Here in the seventh Verse of the Book of Redemption, our Goddess speaks to us not as children, but as the adults we are. She does not spin fanciful tales of endless effortless victory, yet neither does she counsel despair. Instead, she enjoins us to put our best effort into whatever attempts we make, but at the same time expect difficulties, perhaps insurmountable ones. No matter how Strong or Enduring we are, as Mortals, eventually we find a weight we cannot lift, eventually we tire and fall and fail. But she reminds us that failing is not the end. We can rest. We can recover. We can heal, and once healed, we can rise once again, and do better than we did before. Sometimes made Stronger by our experience, sometimes just wiser, but always able to try again, try differently, and perhaps this time succeed. She also reminds us that we are not alone in our struggle. That everyone we meet, from the most wealthy young Hero born into greatness, to the poorest old beggar with naught but rags to their name, is struggling just the same as we are. it is our duty, as Tabitha's followers, to acknowledge that. If we can, if their goals align with ours, to help them, whether that means to help them to their feet and give them shelter, or simply to stand aside and let them stride forward. If they do not, but they are harming none else, then to simply allow them their best chance to employ their Agency, to become better than they were yesterday. - Priestess Most High Above All Others, Archmage Imperator Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Commentary on the Doctrine of Tabitha

Not gonna lie, locking myself into that seven syllable meter has to be one of the most boneheaded horndog things I've ever done. Not just because it means when my people sing to me, I'm left lying in a pool of my own sweat, tears, and lubrication, either. That meter definitely left me putting some really awkward phrasing to paper, and maybe leaving folks confused. Saffron's Commentaries really nail that, really make it clear that I should have maybe chosen a different format.

Seriously, just look at this. She takes an old song quote and a reworded military aphorism about hoping for success and preparing for failure and turns them into an entire little mini-sermon about Agency, determination, setting expectations, and not giving up. Then tacks on a whole thing about live and let live, with a side dish of helping others out being better than being a dick.

Then again, maybe I didn't fuck it up as bad as I think. Maybe, in a thousand years, Saffron's little mini-sermon will wind up seeming antiquated and maybe even a little offensive or something. It's not like that hasn't happened before. Look at, y'know, Rocky Horror. I read where when it came out everybody was losing their fuckin' minds over how daring and forward thinking and progressive it was, like oh, my god, are you actually admitting the lead character is gay and wears women's clothes, you must be one of those hippie freaks that accepts weirdos. Roll things forward forty years, and young trans folks are like 'yeah, that does not represent us; frankly it's a little offensive'. Values shift, hopefully for the better.

Let me be clear, I low key found it wildly offensive and sort of hilarious at the same time. Maybe even because it was wildly offensive, I'm not sure. Not because I've got anything about any of the folks depicted by stereotypes in the show, whether it's Gay people, Trans people, Disabled people, you name it, so long as they're not being dicks to me or mine I'm cool with just about anybody. But it's just a good example of how values shift, how things that are progressive one decade can seem bigoted years later.

So anyway yesterday I kinda stumbled my way through my day of teaching math, watching Siobhan, guarding the Overlord and Imperator, and helping Marie out in the kitchen. By the end of the day I'd gotten myself more or less back to something resembling sanity, and the Worship still had me up and awake. I won't say 'fresh as a daisy, because I was considerably less than fresh even with the quick morning shower and soak, but I was feeling energized. Made pizza, stromboli, calzone, and panzerottis for the kids.

Took the opportunity to carry each and every one of my kids and ladies up to bath time. Normally the girls are oscillating through the stage where at least one of them doesn't want to be carried, so the others kinda follow suit, but with one of me for each of them they all thought it was hilarious or something, so I carried them all up the bore in a chorus of giggles. Went smallest to biggest, and got myself in a world of trouble when I slipped Saffron in front of Maze. I mean, I still did it, because have you met me, but yeah, if we'd done after bath shenanigans I might not have been able to walk today.

We didn't, though. I'd been sort of taking care of everybody, but when Siobhan went from smiling and happy to a sort of miserable pre-retch, I tagged in Tallulah and Saffron with the kids and focused on her and Marie. Did not help when Marie looked a little green shortly thereafter. I'm not sure if it was sympathetic, a bad reaction to something in one of the pizzas, or what, but green Marie is not as attractive as you might think. Nowhere near as cute as blushing Marie or blushing Siobhan.

I took Marie down to bed after toweling her damp, then after she showed signs of feeling better, brought Siobhan down as well. I stayed with them, although I didn't go to sleep until Tallulah and Saffron brought the kids down. Thanks, ladies.

There is no need for thanks, love.

Yes, you... Tallulah paused, even inside her head, frozen in place as she blinked at me. You are welcome to that, as partner, Champion, and Goddess.

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

I sensed some kind of hesitation, like she wanted to say something else, but wasn't sure. But?

I waited. It took her a minute, and she only whispered it in my head as she drifted off to sleep. But mostly as family.

Weird, but I almost understood it, I think. I never sat for kids back in the day. I didn't need the money that bad, and my sister didn't have kids yet. But here I... I didn't 'sit for them'. I didn't really even 'watch them', I was there with them as their mom. I think Tallulah had never really done that, not like this. Never really had a place where she didn't need to be on guard at all times, where she could focus entirely on just being with her kids. The fact that she was shifting to thinking of the rest of the herd as hers, or even maybe 'ours' in the sense of all five of us, warmed me in places north of where my Worshippers warmed me the night before.

Dreamt of the ladies playing around in my Maw, not unlike the kids playing around in the Bath. Still sort of heard those... no, that muttered voice coming from the east. Not sure if it had been one voice before, or if the others had gone away, or even if it was still the same voice as two nights ago, but I heard it. Sort of.

Because while Siobhan played around in the Maw, freed from misery in her dreams, Marie seemed a little sluggish. Uncomfortable. I paid close attention, lifting her up on a tentacle, all four legs hanging down, and stroked her from the top of her head to the base of her tail, over and over until I got the faintest of purrs. At which point she dissolved into pasta and another, uncomfortable her showed up. I lost track of how many cycles of that I did. Don't really care, either.

Because in the morning she seemed, if not right as rain, because nobody carrying their body weight in babies belly is gonna feel all that chipper. So after a breakfast of eggs and fruit and really shitty croissants, which I'm just learning to make, she and I headed for the Academy. The kids went back to school, where one of me stayed to teach some more Math. One of me opened up the Infirmary, although by this point I think the only reason I bothered was because somebody needed to fill in for Siobhan to, like, sign documents and shit. Still kinda boggles me that I am a bona fide authority figure. Like, I'm pretty sure if I gave somebody a signed 'allowed to kick people in the crotch' license, they'd get away with that shit. Which I now both feel a deep and abiding need to do, and also realize how much I've matured because I'm not doing that. Of course, one of me stayed with Siobhan herself, alternating between stroking her hair and holding it back.

Got myself set up for Saffron watching on Treachery Rock, got Saffron both Imperatoring and upright and locked in place for a day of Archmaging, not to mention a day leaning against Tallulah's calves in the Overlord's Keep. I did hit a small snag there mid-morning, when some jackass caught my attention by muttering something about T being 'just my puppet'.

Mind if I handle that, T?

I am your willing servant, after all, Goddess.

Yeah, but your throne room. I'm just here to show support and guard your body. Guard support and show your body? No, that doesn't work. Guard the show and support your body! Yeah, that one sounds good.

That got a laugh out of her, especially when I slipped semi-corporeal tentacles all up under her clothes, maybe making them flutter in an unfelt breeze, maybe making a few of her good bits act like the room had gone down a couple degrees, but above all holding her so that if her throne evaporated, she'd still be sitting just as comfortably. Okay, she might get a wedgie, but that might or might not be a feature, not a bug. As she laughed and Cocky McFuckstick glowered, she said, "go on, oh Attack Dog."

The dude looked like he was about to shit himself when I rolled away from Tallulah's legs to face him. I wasn't even on my feet, or even upright on my knees. Just kinda kneeling there half slouched, and still commanding the attention of everyone in the room. "Yeah, I didn't catch your name, because my attention here is on the Overlord's body and making sure nobody attempts to damage it, but just so you understand, I am not puppeting anybody. If I wanted the Overlord to do something, I'd ask. Politely. Like, 'may I please demonstrate what puppeting means on this dumb piece of shit, Overlord?' At which point she says..."

"Since he was so indiscreet as to let you hear him when you were clearly focused on my legs and where they connect to the rest of me, of course."

I'd been threading hair fine Blended tentacles through the dipshit the entire time, so when he opened his mouth to say something, I just snagged control and made him say, "this is what me making a puppet out of someone looks like. I could do all kinds of awful things to you, like using one of these weapons you snuck in," one at a time I dropped them to the floor using my tentacles, just in case he managed to get one of his hands to function. "but instead I think I'll just... hmm..."

I paused, then made him say, "I like pooping my pants in public, then using it to finger paint my face." I didn't even put the look of horror on his face. Shit, when Tallulah stifled a gasp I only knew about because of the support tentacles, I slid my puppet tentacles out of him. Just in time, too, because he got that self-owning child trafficker look on his face, and ripped out what I first thought was a fart. Then reached his hand around into his pants, dug around a little, then brought a brown hand back out and started drawing patterns on his forehead. He wept as he did, and I almost felt bad when he whimpered out, "by your leave?"

Tallulah nodded, then raked her gaze across the courtroom. "Let that be a lesson. I have allowed those who disagree with the Alliance much leeway, speaking out against our treaties. Primarily because if there is a loophole, or any other problem, I do want it brought to my attention, but also because they make the case for the Alliance better than I ever could. But none will be uncivil to me or my family within my earshot. And I tell you now, unless I am feeling particularly merciful, I will not lift a finger to correct you. Because I need not." She reached out with one hand, ruffled my hair, and pulled me back to lean against her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, four relationships, totally the bitch in three of them now.

Fuck it. "Woof."

Of course that wasn't the big thing that happened today. That was right around the end of the afternoon, when a couple of me cycled back to the center of the Academy kitchens, from which Marie directed myself and all the other Maids in our duties. Except when I got there, she'd gone missing. I didn't really worry about it, there were a laundry list of things that could have pulled her away.

That's a huge lie. Marie?

Bedroom. I got the sense her next pause wasn't for effect, but forced upon her. It's time.

If you find any errors ( broken links, non-standard content, etc.. ), Please let us know < report chapter > so we can fix it as soon as possible.