Dear Diary,

"Failure's inevitable, What you do after matters, Do it different next time." - Tabitha Diaz, Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption

Continuing her exhortation to us, her followers, to remember that we do not live in a dream world where all goes well with everything we attempt, Tabitha reminds us that, in the end, if we keep attempting new things, keep employing our Agency in novel ways, we will eventually fail. Whether that means that all our efforts come to naught, or just that our latest project does not reach completion in the way we'd prefer, we ought not despair when defeated. Instead, our Goddess entreats us to focus on what comes after. As she has previously indicated, we ought first ensure that any harm that has come to others through our failure is made right. However, once that is completed, she makes it clear that we ought not simply recreate our failure, for attempting the same thing and expecting different results is madness. Instead she tells us to try again, but try differently. Faster, slower, stronger, weaker, with more wit or more faith, with more backing from others to improve our chance of success, or less to reduce our harm to others, we are told to try again, but do so without forgetting where we erred previously. - Priestess Most High Above All Others, Archmage Imperator Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Commentary on the Doctrine of Tabitha

Kinda have some mixed emotions about that last bit. The rest is golden. Kitten even managed to put in something I struggled to, the whole 'clean up after yourself' thing. Because you know some dumb shit will look at this Verse and try a million different variations without cleaning up any of the messes caused by those nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine failures.

To be completely honest, I remember reading some things about that, about Black Swans. That one chance success that succeeds so hard that it justifies a million failures. But the thing is, if you're just fuckin' throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks, giving as many people as possible a try makes sense, because that way you get different ideas, different takes on shit. People get to learn by watching others with completely different histories, different cultures, different ideas, and we all wind up with better shit because of it. Yeah, definitely saw one too many times where the dumbass who won the birth lottery got to fuck up endlessly and shove the blame and cost onto people they couldn't beat at tic tac toe, let alone checkers.

So I get maybe that trying again differently is important, but I definitely gotta make sure that my Clergy know that everybody gets a turn before anybody goes again. I mean, I think I made that clear with the whole Friday Revel thing, but I've wound up completely misreading people's reactions to me before. Seriously, I kinda figured I'd have more 'Goddess, please make me rich' and less 'Goddess, please make me scream', but here we are. I think maybe I need to talk directly with my Clergy who work in my Temples, though. Just to make sure I'm not giving them the wrong ideas. Maybe the days after Moon Revels.

Speaking of Clergy, as I sat there still kinda gobsmacked about Erato's colors matching mine from back in the day, I caught one side of a mental conversation. No. Forgive me, Goddess, I cannot.

The genuine regret, bordering on guilt, in my Mittens mental voice broke me out of my fugue. "Mittens? Everything... it's Isnomi, isn't it?" She nodded. "Where is she?"

Marie blinked, then said, "Bore."

I Co-Located to the Bore, then hopped up floor by floor until I found Menace standing on the steps, staring at the wall. She turned as my feet settled to the floor, frowning. "Mama? Wheyath Mawa?"

I reached down, and she hopped into my arms. "Menace, I need you to stop pestering Marie right now."

"Want. Mawa." She folded her arms and stuck her lip out.

I wasn't having it. "You want to make your sisters sick already?"

"NO!"

I lowered my head until I could look her in the eyes. "But you want to see the kittens, don't you?"

She got the total shifty eyes little kids got when they were trying to hide things, but I waited, patiently, letting Marie rest up for the next kitten ejection, until finally she muttered, "yeth."

I nodded. "That's good. I'm glad. You will." She opened her mouth, and I interjected, "but! If you do it right now, while they're still wet from being born, not done their first nursing, and you're dirty from playing around all day? You're gonna make them sick."

Her face raced through half a dozen expressions while I spoke, finally settling into self aware horror. "I don wanna make dem thick!"

"Yeah, I know you don't want to. So... here's what we're gonna do. You listening?"

"Yeth."

"Ready to take this back to your sisters, so they know what to do too?"

She nodded, eyes wide but determined, "yeth!"

I nodded in return, then said, "first, and I know you don't like this, you're going to wait until the kittens are ready to meet you. That'll definitely mean until all eight of them are out of Marie's belly, it'll mean letting them get done their first meal, and it'll probably mean letting them dry off."

"Dey'th wed?"

I nodded. "Yep. All sloppy wet from being in Marie's belly." She made a face. "Yeah, we'll make sure they're clean and dry before you meet them. But you and your sisters need to clean up before you meet them."

"We ged baffs tonide!"

I nuzzled her just a little. "I know you do, Menace, but for the next little bit, you'll need to clean up before you meet them." She looked confused, so I explained. "I think Marie's gonna want to sleep some after she's done getting them all out of her belly, and then she might want to clean up a little, and then she'll be ready to move them and herself to the bedroom."

"Ah tay?"

"Yeah, that'll probably be around lunch time." She still looked confused. "So you and your sisters need to go get cleaned up after lunch tomorrow, unless you want to stay in and sit still and stay clean all morning."

She looked a little confused still. I nodded to her, and she asked, "kiddens cannad ged dirdy?"

I chuckled. "Oh, they'll get dirty some ways all the time. Milk all over the place, spitting up sometimes after they eat, and oh, my, God, the poop. SO much poop. You would not believe how much poop babies make."

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

"Poddy twain dem!"

I outright laughed. "Oh, we absolutely will, as soon as we can. But you can't do that until they're a little bigger, until they can hold themselves up and move around by themselves. Right now they're just cute little lumps that eat, poop, sleep, and grow. But they'll get there."

"When?"

I shrugged. "I dunno, Menace. If I did? I'd tell you. They might be like you, running around like an itty bitty big girl before they're a year old. They might be like Daya or David or Alex, and take a couple years to get their act together. I'm not sure, but I think Ria may have taken longer to really get her physical stuff together."

"Why?"

"Because different people grow differently. Some grow faster, some slower."

I didn't realize I'd face tanked the question until she tilted her head, looked at me, and said, "ah tay."

"You ready to go get cleaned up?" She nodded. "Gonna tell your sisters what they need to do to see their new sisters?"

"Yeth!"

I set her back down on the stairs, saying, "okay then, Menace. And no pestering Marie! She's very focused, and also very tired right now."

"Yeth, Mama!" she called as she scampered down the stairs.

I collapsed back to myself just in time to see another saran wrapped waxy cabbage pushing its way out. This one took longer than Erato, but the only reason I could ferret out was Marie's growing exhaustion. She'd popped out four already, each of whom had latched on immediately and started nursing. Our fifth bundle was black with white markings on her neck, her chest, her hands and her feet. I only just registered at that point that the kittens did, in fact, have itty bitty hands, albeit fuzzy ones. Long fingered, like pianists fingers maybe, but not Marie's outrageously long claws. Marie snuggled our new tuxedo clad daughter, murmured, "Felicia." then handed her back to me for nipple connection. I slipped her in between, almost on top of, Calliope and Erato. Just like her sisters, she latched on and started nursing immediately. I tried not to think about some kids not taking to nursing properly, what with the complete lack of formula here and now.

After another break, this one a little longer, it was time for the next bean launch. This one took a lot longer than her sisters, and when she finally popped out into my arms all at once, with more than the normal share of blood and snot, I realized why immediately. All white with black patches here and there, she was clearly bigger than any of her sisters. Marie cleaned her up, snuggled her, and murmured, "Isadora." I hadn't thought about Marie's sisters when thinking about our kittens, but Isadora's heft really drove home to me that unlike Marie and her sister Maenads, each of our daughters was slightly different to the others, and not just in coloration. I still laid Isadora down and shifted Erato to the top teat, just to be sure Isadora didn't accidentally roll over on her.

Marie took a while after Isadora, and by this point I could practically see her belly shrinking as kitten after kitten popped out. Not, like, going back to pre-pregnancy flatness, but more like a balloon deflating. She definitely took longer pushing the next one out, this one gray with black and white markings on her face, neck, belly, and back. I brought her up to Marie, who cleaned her off and whispered, "Borysthenis."

I took her, looked down, and said, "uh, no more room at the inn." Marie just rolled her eyes, then looked back at me. It took me a minute. Yeah, I wasn't as exhausted as her, but I was definitely a little loopy. I did the first thing I could think of and Mimicked lactating Saffron. I definitely did not remember Isnomi having the kind of suction Bory... Borysth...

"Borysthenis, Vlickies."

"Okay, yeah, I'm naming the next one." She chuckled, then lay back and panted, trying to get her wind back. Down at the spawn point, I saw the final cabbage bean lined up to come out, but it wasn't really pushing against the opening. That's when I realized Marie had kinda started snoring. I let her go for a minute, then gently shook her shoulder. "Marie? Sweetie? Gotta push. One more."

She tried, she really did, but she got the final one like halfway out, then slumped, the bean sliding back in. I took a deep breath, reached both hands in, got a grip on the final kitten, and said, "Marie? One last push when I say push." I set myself, then pushed outward with my forearms. Marie's eyes bulged, I shouted, "PUSH!" and the final kitten popped out into my lap.

At that point Marie slumped over, not dead, but definitely dead to the world, I froze, almost panicked for a moment as I sat there with a unpeeled bean in my lap. It twitched, then went still, and in a panic I Mimicked Marie. I may have all the Endurance in the fuckin' world, but at that moment I think I must have Mimicked her exhausted state. Fortunately, I do have all the Endurance in the fuckin' world, so after a ten second breather, I proceeded to unwrap the bean, licking her clean. I didn't realize I'd eaten the bean skin and attached lump until I was swallowing it.

At that point I panicked again. She'd gone still, and I couldn't feel her breathing. Somehow my exhaustion left me too tired to panic a third time, and I did what came oddly naturally and slipped a Stabilize into her little tailed butt. She gasped, sucking in air. I realized right then that I hadn't seen any of our girls' eyes, when our newest girl's popped open, glowing, looking like little storms. As they fluttered shut, I leaned over and attached her to Saffron-me's other tit; it took her a worrying second or two, but I gave my own breast a bit of a squeeze, and the moment I felt milk leaking out, she tasted it and went to town with the suction.

I lay there, not as exhausted as Marie, but in no way alert or fully awake. I'm sure my eyes never closed, that I never stopped watching all the kittens sucking away at their chosen nipple, but the next thing I knew the sun was rising. I'm totally gonna blame the exhaustion, but I grabbed it and thought, Karen? To me, please?

She showed up a moment later, wearing thin nightgown, rubbing her eyes. "Yes, Goddess?"

"Dress, please?"

It took her a second, but when she understood she blushed, smiled, and popped on the Yandere Shobitch Wedding Gown. I let go of the sun just as she said, "are you sure?"

Power flowed from me, to her, to the dress, and out to the room. She rose into the air, back arching and eyes rolling back. A few moments later, none of us were noticeably less tired, but all of the assorted blood and snot had been whisked away.

Saffron brought us cheesy scrambled eggs and water for breakfast. Not exactly haute cuisine, but inoffensive and filing, and if I was hungry, Marie was ravenous. While she nommed eggs and nuzzled each kitten in turn, sniffing them and rubbing her cheeks against them before returning them to a nipple. Calliope and Garde both squirmed away and fell back to sleep, so I handed over Borysthenis and Hailee, who both latched on immediately. Marie pulled me over and snugged my head against her shoulder.

I woke to find Calliope and Garde latched onto my tits, nomming for all they were worth. Saffron stood at the end of the bed, a silly smile on her face, one I'm pretty sure I would have mirrored if I weren't so tired. She quietly said, "the girls are eager to meet their new sisters, if the two of you are ready?"

I looked at Marie, and she nodded. I turned back to Saffron and asked, "have they gone through the bath yet?"

Saffron looked a little confused, then asked, "so you really did tell Isnomi that?"

"Yeah. I figure they'll get into germs and shit soon enough, but giving them at least a couple weeks of clean before they start eating dirt might wind up with them being a little healthier in the long run."

She chuckled at that. "How do you know our children are going... To..." I stared at her until she stopped, giggling. "They're heading to the bathroom now. Would you like help shifting them?"

"Yes, Please." Marie answered before I could. Ten minutes later, the ten of us lay on the middle of our big circle bed.

I listened to the unmistakable sounds of the horde hoard coming down the hallway, only to be intercepted by Saffron at the door. "Girls, your sisters, not to mention Marie and Mama, are all very tired. So nothing loud. No shrieking, or yelling, or anything energetic. You must be quiet and gentle with them. Understood?"

"Yes, Mom," they all chorused, surprisingly subdued. Well, maybe not so surprising. Saffron managed Ophelia Orange and Lenny Lancaster on the regular. Our horde couldn't be too much harder to herd than that.

Isnomi got there first. Some shuffling had occurred during transit, and I lay there with Anise and Borysthenis firmly attached. Our little Menace crawled over, and as gently as I'd ever seen her move, reached out to lay one little hand on Anise's brow. She swallowed and whispered, "hello baby. I'm your big sister Isnomi. What's your name?"

I smiled and whispered back, "she's a little young to talk yet, Menace. Her name is Anise."

I know Saffron had lectured the girls about moving slowly and carefully and quietly, but a moment later she was there, reaching around Isnomi, fingertips brushing our oldest kitten's forehead, weeping endless happy tears.

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