Dear Diary,

"Bloodlust is a tiger's tail, If you wouldn't do a Maenad, Bloodlust might not be for you." - Tabitha Diaz, Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust

Bloodlust is without a doubt the Domain our Goddess is most hesitant to employ herself, and we would do well to emulate her in this, and at the very least we ought keep her hesitation in mind. Justified Homicide, whether by an executioner's axe, a soldier's sword, or a righteous assassin's stiletto, is a narrow Domain set about with restrictions already. Vengeance, while it can be all consuming, can be directed to those villains who prompted it with relative ease. Relative, that is, to Bloodlust, which laughs at the notion of restraint as much as it does self-preservation. But if the Fates have placed you in a position where violence must be done, and by your nature you would Revel with a Maenad, even in her most furious moods, then draw on the power of Bloodlust to see our Goddess' Will made manifest. - Priestess Most High Above All Others, Archmage Imperator Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Commentary on the Doctrine of Tabitha

That... That really does a mixed emotional number on me. That one phrase. 'The Goddess' Will made manifest'. That's like half a step from fuckin' Deus Vult, and I'm not even fuckin' exaggerrating there. Like, I think... fuck, I'm not sure, but my Blend is telling me that if I were gonna go talk to a Reman Deity, it'd be 'Dea Vult', and that's just because my default and habitual presentation has a vag instead of twig and berries.

On the one hand, that is some scary assed shit. Both in the sense that from what I remember from my ROTC history paper, the First Crusade was an absolute shitshow, because, y'know, Crusade. When the 'children's crusade', which was basically 'take all the street kids in Europe and throw them at Jerusalem' isn't known for being exceptionally less successful than any of the others in terms of the end result of who held the Holy Land, you know all of them were just a series of shitshows. Yeah, I did a High School research paper on them. I had an internet connection, a case of Monster energy drink, and a desire not to stay in High School for a fifth year. I don't claim to be an expert, but I don't think 'shitshows, all shitshows' is too much of a diss coming from the general officer who defeated a hundred thousand enemy combatants with near zero fatalities.

But yeah, hearing my people maybe using the motto of the First Crusade is not really something that fills me with confidence. Especially when I remember that shit being low key used as a dog whistle by White Power and Christofasc alike. Which when you're not really super religious, and can only pass for white in the winter, it's something you pay attention to. Also, I get that some of the folks using the saying just heard it in video games and thought it sounded cool. That's the whole point of a dog whistle, it's something that doesn't throw up red flags unless you know it's a dog whistle, and it's very possible to have false positives and shit, because there's nothing assholes like better than two decent people duking it out because one of them mistakenly flagged the other as an asshole.

But on the other hand, it does fuckin' sound cool, in so many fuckin' ways. Like, I know I've been the bitch in the first in, last out position as many times as I've been able to manage it, especially when the situation is one where shit can go sideways super fast. But that doesn't mean I didn't feel something flutter in my nethers when I saw the Alliance Expeditionary Force to Calverton storm the beach at the close of that battle. Or when the Grand Army of Phileo and Camden Yards moved in to take over and mop up at the end of the Battle of the Walls. I sure as fuck felt every bit of me vibrate in tune with the Black Dragon's sixteen inch guns whenever they've fired. Knowing that there are hundreds, thousands, maybe even tens of thousands of people who would willingly strap on some combat protection, grab up a combat implement, and charge whatever assholes offended me by existing... I can't even think how to describe it.

Okay, that's not quite true. But the description definitely belongs in the Book of Bloodlust. The thought of a hundred thousand wild eyed screaming zealots descending on those rapist assholes from Sparta, or those rapist enablers from Athens, or any other group of here and now pieces of shit who know they're hurting people and just don't give a damn is just a powerful aphrodisiac. I am almost certain if I got to watch that, I'd want one of my ladies there just to let somebody enjoy the show.

Fuck, maybe I do have the tiniest of exhibitionist streaks.

But then I gotta think that any situation like that, any group that would stand and fight rather than surrender at that point, is probably made up of some empowered types who would wind up cutting down tens, hundreds, even thousands of my people for every one of them we took down. Yeah, I would absolutely carry any of them to the afterlife of their choice for dying for a good cause, but I still remember what duBois said, which was just a repetition of what my old ROTC DIs said. If you gotta die for your cause, die hard, but it's way better to make the other motherfucker die for his.

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Then there's the last bit, the bit I don't want to think about, but I have to. Always. No matter what. Because Saffron. Always Saffron. Who is absolutely my love, my life, my Wife, my Kitten. And she is also a zealot, with no more hesitation in doing my will than me dropping between her thighs, or either of us submitting to Marie's ministrations, or any of us menacing sweet Siobhan until she needs new robes. Or, and I think watching the similarities between them is really what called out the problems about this to me, Tallulah doing what she thinks needs to be done to ensure the best possible result for the greatest possible number of her loved ones, no matter the cost, even to those loved ones themselves.

Fortunately, my Kitten is not a stupid zealot, nor a thoughtless one. She knows I have limits. Rules. Goals, and Values. Dreams, even. She will do everything she can to turn all of those into reality. Even if she thinks doing so will maybe lose me, because sacrificing herself is the only thing she can think of that will make what I want happen.

Luckily, while she's smarter than me, I'm taller. Although I really do hope that she never winds up decapitated, both because she likes her job as Imperator and because I'm not into necrophilia, and I'm absolutely certain she'd tease me about that somehow.

At the end of the day yesterday, as Marie and I gathered up the evening's dinner from the Academy kitchen, I quietly asked, "is that bikini bottom really, y'know, comfortable?"

She paused, gave the matter some thought, then shook her head. "Not Really."

I frowned. "Then why'd you wear it? I mean, both of us had our tops half off most of the day anyhow to let the babies nurse, and while we've got a couple guys living in North House, I don't think any of them spend enough time in spots where they can see the roof of East House for it to matter." After thinking for a second, I shrugged and said, "honestly, even if they could see, it wouldn't matter. Even if we're starkers and, like, pelvic thrusting to show that shit off, what are they gonna do, come over and say 'hey, nice vulva, wanna fuck'?"

She got the most over the top speculative look at that, and back atop the roof stopped corralling kittens to start reaching for her crotch. She laughed when I snorted and batted at her. "Stop that, Mittens." When she pouted at me a little I said, "we're going in, and it's one more thing to carry."

That got a laugh out of her. When we all got inside to dinner, with the kittens learning to eat meat mush off of spoons without, y'know, nomming the spoons themselves, I pulled the one of her still in her bikini aside and whispered, "Seriously though, why?" She just stared at me. I shook my head, confused, until a sudden suspicion hit. "Me?" She nodded. "Just to fuck with me?"

A moment later that pair of us stood in the Bedroom. A moment after that my ass hit the end of the bed, propelled by a gentle shove from one of Murder Mittens' claws. She reached down and, with a very pointed shudder, pulled off her bikini bottom. Okay, pulled it out. One smooth curved bit of stiff white leather that had covered her bits all day. Held in place by what looked to be an equally stiff leather fascina. Well, not held in place any more. And the smell of Marie washed through the room as she pursed her lips, blew me a kiss, and said, "Pacifier."

My dumb ass didn't get it. "Ew. That is not going near the kids."

She rolled her eyes and sashayed closer. "Vlickies Pacifier."

"Oh, you mean f..."

Yeah, my Murder Mittens, she forward. I still have no gag reflex. The kids might have noticed I was a little distracted at dinner, but most of them were too busy playing with the new metal spoons Saffron had the women make. Something about Marie and I both having less than no trouble biting through wooden ones, and the babies having no knowledge of why not to. When she lifted the deliciously limp me from the Bed and collapsed all of me back to the Bath with her, only to drop that fascina bikini bottom into the dirty clothes hamper, she smirked at me.

"Worked."

I smiled guilelessly up at her as she hosed me down. "Uh, yeah, guess so."

Then she Grinned at me and said, "Didn't Swallow."

Okay, yeah, leave it to my Murderfuck Queen to come up with an oral sex toy I wouldn't inadvertently swallow.

Of course the drive in at the Maw showed my face the whole time. On a loop. While my ladies guffawed. I dunked them a lot. Which only made them laugh harder. Eh, fuck it, Murder Mittens had carried me to bed while everybody else carried the kittens, because I was too loose and relaxed to walk. The single most adorable thing had to be Siobhan and Hailee's limbs wrapped around each other, the kitten's chin on Darling's shoulder.

Woke up, got everybody ready, and was gonna take D and Diana back to their diner, when he quietly asked, "may we stay longer?"

"You sure you don't have stuff to do back in Phileo?"

He shrugged. "I have Avatars for that. They'll let me know if anything requires me personally."

I pulled him in to a hug, which seemed to surprise him. "You're welcome as long as you like, D. Said it before, I'll say it again. You're family, big guy."

Funny, but Diana seemed to be more moved by that than he was, even if he got weepier than her.

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