Dear Diary,

"Everyone needs Passion, But Passion is hard for some, To find, to ignite, to hold." - Tabitha Diaz, Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion

As our Goddess makes clear in this Verse, every one of us needs to find something we are Passionate about in order to live a fulfilled life. It need not be a physical thing, but for some of us it might be. Family. Friends. Our City, our Nation. Our faith, our values. Our professions, our vocations, our avocations, any of these can ignite our Passion, give us something that brings joy into our lives. But not all of us find that one thing. Some of us find Passion in many places, others seek forever without finding. Some find new passions again and again, without being able to settle on just one. It is not our duty to judge those who have difficulty finding or holding Passion, but rather to assist them when we can, celebrate with those who have found it, and comfort those whose Passion has died or remained obscured to them. - Priestess Most High Above All Others, Archmage Imperator Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Commentary on the Doctrine of Tabitha

Y'know, I think I was talking about depression when I first wrote this, but I kind of like Saffron's interpretation better. I mean, yeah, it encompasses depression in there too, if you talk about folks who can't find something that ignites Passion in them. Or even some of them who get Passionate, then lose that Passion. Hell, that's one way of describing depression, the inability to feel Passionately about anything. Okay, not quite. When I spiral, I can get pretty Passionate about self-hatred, but that's not exactly a good thing.

But I like the idea that not everybody who has problems finding their Passion is depressed, or a guaranteed lifelong failure or some shit like that. Maybe they just haven't found it yet. Maybe they're the flavor of ADHD that gets super passionate about their hyperfixations, but once all the dopamine gets squeezed out of that fixation, they need to move on to a new one. Maybe they're polypassionate, and live a life full of joy, but somebody outside sees them as feckless.

Shit, I hope nobody in any of my congregations gets pissed on for any of those. Seriously, I want them to be Passionate and help each other find things to be Passionate about, whether it's lifelong love of leering at ladies or a series of sequential sexy sirens or, y'know, any combination thereof. No, I'm not saying it's all gotta be sex, and I really hope they all get that, but my brain does kinda jump to that when I go thinking about Passion.

But when I stop and think, there's so much more. Watching Saffron code. Cooking with Marie. Caring for Siobhan and making sure her Infirmary's waiting for her when she gets back. Tracing the freckle patterns across the entirety of Tallulah's skin while she manages Rich Man's Port and her Fae Court. Playing with my girls. Feeding my babies. Yeah, I think if I had to pick a single thing I'm most Passionate about it's family. But that doesn't mean I'm not Passionate about other stuff, too. I think Fridays are an excellent argument for that. Although again, if I were to expand it just the tiniest bit, I might say my Passion is intimacy, and I'm really not sure which I like best at the end of the day. The sexual intimacy I share with my ladies and my Worshippers, the physical intimacy I share with my babies and my ladies and my kids, whether it's bathing or nursing or sleeping all in a pile, or the emotional intimacy I get with... Well, with all of them whenever I'm focused on them.

Just hope that I don't fuck this all up somehow. Or more realistically that they'll forgive me when I do.

So yesterday after figuring out that I had an appointment with Danica Novak of the Courtesan's Guild today, I got a rush of brains to the head. Saffron?

In the Academy suite office, I watched her hands go still. Yes, love?

"I've got an appointment in Boltophsberg tomorrow."

She nodded. "Excellent. Did you need something from me?"

I chuckled. "Other than moral support, advice, and maybe you to pay attention so I don't fuck it up too bad?"

She smiled at me, and I loved how I could tell that just from the tone of her voice. "Please, love. You did fine in Jackville."

"Yeah, but Jack was Ria's sister's chew toy." When she made choked laughing denial noises, I followed that with, "I totally had an ace up my sleeve there. Nothing like that with Boltophsberg."

Her voice still unsteady with laughter, my Kitten leaned back and said, "I suppose that's fair. So, seduce this Danica?"

"Kitten!"

She chuckled. "Please, love. I'm mostly joking, although I'd find it hilarious if you did just that with everyone you meet in Boltophsberg. Conquest by conquest, as it were." I snerked, and she followed that with, "control by cunnilingus?"

"Saffron!" I managed to choke out.

She just showed how flexible her hips were by spinning around, one leg going up and over until she faced me, straddling my lap. "Subjugation by scissoring? Annexation by anal play?"

I gave up and kissed her.

A while later we lay in the suite bedroom, me tracing patterns on her sweat soaked belly. "I was really wondering about how they're gonna react if I just show up."

At first Saffron just hummed contentedly, but after waiting a bit I finally got a response. "Sorry. Basking in being vanquished so thoroughly. I suppose it might be intimidating if you were to sail up in the Black Dragon."

"Do we have any other ships on site?" I remembered something about the invite, checked it over, and nodded. "Okay, yeah, she's supposed to meet me aboard the Questing Tentacle."

Saffron nodded. "Please don't stop with the fingers. Pleasant." When my fingertips started tracing random patterns again, she continued. "At any rate, I'm glad I insisted on the captain's cabin being suitable for entertaining."

"Really?"

She shrugged, then twitched as I tickled her a tiny bit. "Not any large soirees, but a small gathering, say four primaries and an assistant each? Certainly. The quarters would be snug for that, but with the windows unshuttered the space would be far more pleasant than any other ship short of the meeting rooms aboard the Black Dragon herself."

"Still, the timing seems a little loose; 'lunch time'. I really don't want to be hanging around all day."

"Afraid you'll get bored and start playing with their boats like the toys they are?"

I snorted. "Not really. Worst case I'll just Co-Locate to the Practice Yard and lift weights or something. Nah, I'm mostly worried that somebody might get nervous with me just sitting there."

"You could Blend?"

I thought about that, then shook my head. "Nah. There have been a couple people who could spot me like that. Not a long list, but if anybody can, I really don't want them seeing me lurking there. That's worse than just waiting, really."

"You're really that concerned?"

"Kinda want to avoid a war if at all possible."

She nodded, lowering one hand to cover mine. "As do I, love." Karen?

A moment later Karen arrived, standing at the foot of the bed. Sans clothes. "Yes, High Priestess?"

"Please, Karen. We're far past that. Also, Imperator at the moment."

"Shame." By the end of the word Karen had her Phileo Heroic Uniform on. "What can I do for you, Imperator?"

"You can Translocate to the Questing Tentacle?"

After a moment's consideration, Karen nodded. "Yes, Imperator."

"Excellent. Tabitha needs you to arrive on the Questing Tentacle tomorrow at dawn, and remain on station until Danica Novak, Senior Courtesan of the Courtesan's Guild, arrives for their meeting. Alert Tabitha in time for her to arrive and welcome Ms. Novak."

Karen snapped to attention, saluted. "Yes, Imperator."

When Karen left, I scooped Saffron up. "You're more affectionate than usual lately."

"Problems?"

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I shrugged. "Not really. Just... Well, honestly, I wanted to make sure you weren't having any." When she stiffened a little, I explained, "I'm fine with being your stress ball. Kinda fun, really. But I don't want you hurting yourself tryna solo something I could help you with."

She sighed and shook her head, smiling sadly. "No, love. I'm simultaneously hitting some shaping issues, problems requiring finesse, not brute force, and similar issues with the Grand Council." Some of her tension slipped into me, and she noticed. "Seriously, love, it's nothing you could help with, I don't think. Not even in the sense of another pair of hands or a willing pair of ears. It's not even a question of anything requiring more finesse than I have, just..." She sighed.

I waited, but realized she'd run out of words. "Patience?" She nodded. "Well, yeah, I guess I'm not your girl. Maybe Tallulah?"

She cocked her head. "I... I hadn't thought of that, actually."

"Or Siobhan. She is an Archmage, after all."

She'd been nodding her head, but that slowed at the mention of her baby mama. "No. Well, yes, she is, and normally I'd bring her and Tallulah both to assist, but I'd rather she wasn't near any experimental Shaping while carrying our child."

"Fair point."

"But thank you, love. I suppose I hadn't thought of reaching out to anyone else. But... thank you."

"De nada, love. Just being the best wife I can be."

She pulled me up into a kiss, then murmured into my lips. "My wife best wife."

"No, you."

Dreamt of the ladies playing some kind of pool game involving dunking. I wound up too distracted to really understand the rules, so I don't know if Karen was winning or losing, but my Maw reeked of cinnamon fire by morning.

Once I got everybody settled in doing what they do, I stayed in a kind of holding pattern waiting for Karen. Not long after noon, she pinged me. Goddess? She's here.

I stepped to Karen, landing on the deck of the Questing Tentacle Blended and dressed in my Academy Uniform. Thanks, Karen. I dropped my Blend and stepped forward to greet the woman waiting at the foot of the boarding ramp.

"Permission to come aboard?" she called up.

I glanced over to the guy in the fanciest uniform, who surreptitiously rolled his eyes and nodded, so I called down, "permission granted, c'mon up!"

I took the opportunity to look over the three people coming up the ramp. Two guys, both of whom looked fairly fancy in their capri length pants, engraved leather boots, and loose blousy shirts. Either they were blonder than they looked or they waxed, because the way their shirts hung open let me see a complete lack of hair on their chests. Muscular, but not super bulky. At a guess, given how they looked, they belonged to the Courtesan's Guild as members. Given how they moved, they doubled as security on the regular, and either worked as a pair or were trained as part of a larger force, and well enough they didn't need to constantly be looking at or obviously communicating with one another.

Then there was the woman herself. Nicely form fitting dress in a pale blue that didn't look half bad on her. Her accessories, which consisted of a small purse, a shawl, a broad brimmed hat, opera gloves, high heeled ankle boots, and short dangly earrings, all matched, but the vaguely goldish yellow color didn't go very well with the blue, or with her own coloration, pale skin and dark ash blonde. When I watched her sway up the boarding ramp, I initially pegged her as the same age as the guys, maybe early twenty something by the way she moved. Really curvy for being that young, but then so is my Saffron. Then she got a little closer, and I noticed the crow's feet imperfectly covered by minimalist makeup. She didn't exactly watch her feet as she approached, but I noticed her glancing down every few steps, as if to make sure there weren't any unexpected irregularities in the ramp.

When she got within a few long steps of me, the bodyguard in front of her stepping to the side, she glanced between Karen and I, then focused on me. "Champion Diaz, I presume?"

She reached one hand out in that palm down, fingers extended gesture I'd seen in old movies. Of course, I'd also read about it, and she did have a couple rings on over her long gloves. I wasn't sure about whether shaking her hand would be rude, but I didn't want to give any ground or anything by kissing someone's rings, so I compromised. In the most me way possible. I took her hand, raised it up near my lips, then flipped it over to expose her wrist and inhaled. "That's me. Lovely perfume." It really was, more spicy than flowery. "Senior Courtesan Novak?"

She nodded, looking a little flustered, but hiding it under a coquettish smile. "How delightfully forward. Call me Danica."

I gently tugged her forward, set her arm on mine, and started the two of us toward the captain's cabin, Karen and the bodyguards falling in behind us as I did. "Good to meet you, Danica. Call me Tabitha. Everybody else does."

I ignored Karen coughing into her fist and laughing into my brain as I led Danica into the cabin to find a table set up with a whole assed fancy tea service. Okay, tea and, by the smell, Rich Man's Port hot chocolate. I got her seated, claimed a seat across the oval table from her, and said, "could you please, Karen?"

That led to a very polite, hilarious to watch silent competition for who got to serve who what. The second bodyguard had a bottle of wine Danica brought as a gift, and that wound up poured before the tea. I'm pretty sure that wasn't what they intended it for, but fuck it. We had a whole assed variety of noshes, too. Little tea sandwiches, crackers, cookies, even some fresh fruit and cheese. Karen started us off with crackers, cheese, and grapes to go with the wine.

"Sorry, I only got the news we were meeting for lunch at the last minute, or I'd have made something." Not entirely a lie, and it certainly explained the slapdash nature of the 'lunch'. I hoped.

"Quite all right, Tabitha." She paused, considering barely a moment before quietly exclaiming, "wait, you cook?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Marie and I both find it both fun to do and, y'know, practical." I tilted my head. "Not sure I could do a hobby that wasn't at least a little practical at this point."

"Oh. As a hobby then?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I guess you could call it that, since I'm sure Marie would cook for the kids and ladies if I didn't. But what with there being, um, twenty people eating, that doesn't seem fair. So yeah, I mostly do the prep work and she does the finishing, but I help out at the Academy too."

"Oh!" She paused. "That's right, I'd heard you've been blessed recently?"

It took me a second to figure out what she was talking about. "Oh, yeah! New babies! That's eight of those twenty right there. Which wouldn't normally add to the cooking, but with Marie doing most of the nursing, we're trying to get them on solid foods as quick as we can, I think. Well, meat mush. That's not super solid, but it's nutrition that's not coming out of anybody's tits, so it's a plus."

She looked a little at sea, what with my rapid fire baby bullshit, but she rallied. Sort of. "Eight?" I nodded. "Are they... They're all doing well then?"

I nodded. "Yep. I mean, Isadora's growing faster than her sisters, and Hailee's a little bit quiet, but as far as Saffron can tell they're all healthy."

"Saffron. The Imperator?" I nodded. "She's caring for your... She's truly your wife then?"

I blinked. "Thought that was general knowledge."

She shrugged. "Well, that you're officially spouses, yes, but from what I heard your Maid is the mother of your children, yes?"

I shrugged. "The latest batch popped out of our Wife Marie, yeah. 'Our' as in Saffron and mine. In case that bit of news hadn't made it up here yet."

She tilted her head, eyes narrowing slightly. I realized right then where some of those lines had come from; this was a woman who calculated shit. "I'd heard that, but scarce credited it. Two women being married is... Unusual, but not unheard of, especially for diplomatic, dynastic, or Divine reasons. Two women in a genuine love match being married is rather less common. Spouses having concubines is again unusual, but sharing one is surprising. Both of you marrying yours is..."

I smirked, popped a grape in my mouth, swallowed, and said, "so, is it better or worse that our other Concubine is currently preggers with Saffron's kid?"

That bought another few long moments of silent nomming and sipping as Danica soft rebooted. "So... The Imperator. She... Was not born a woman?"

Took me a second. Took me another to bury my own instinctive rage, what with all the bullshit where I'd come from, not to mention, y'know, David. "Nah." I slipped into boy-mode, shot her my most rakish grin, and said, "Shapeshifting for the baby-making win."

I mentally chalked up a point for Tabitha when she blushed a little and fanned herself. Then again, I'm pretty sure most of it was faked, because her next words were a murmured, "that would be quite handy at times."

I couldn't help it. I ran my gaze down her front and back up to her eyes. "You telling me you get guys coming to you wanting a guy?"

She shrugged. "Mostly women. But it's not unheard of."

I nodded, tryna keep my voice and face in full on 'approving and accepting' mode. "Yeah, Shapeshifting's way less fuss than a strap on." I stopped for a second, thinking, "although I guess if you're tryna not get too worked up yourself a strap could have advantages there." She finished off her glass of wine and held it out for a refill, taking a not very ladylike bite of a tea sandwich as she did. "So, Danica. You got kids?"

Her eyes narrowed, then slipped back into a smile. She nodded. "Two girls and a boy."

"How old?" She started to frown, and I laughed. "Not you, them. I'm not completely rude." I slipped out of boy mode, and added, "also, y'know, just us girls here." Then I looked at her bodyguards. "Okay, maybe not."

She actually laughed at that, then waved a hand at the guy who'd brought up the rear of her little procession, who moved to the side of the table and leaned in. "Dimir. My oldest."

Now that I could get a better look, he might not be as 'mid twenties' as I'd previously thought, although the serious look on his face and the lack of baby fat did wonders. Of course, his spare features also were what kept them from looking quite alike, but now that I knew what to look for I realized they definitely had a family resemblance. "Really? No. Your nephew or something, right?"

She chuckled. "You're supposed to say 'younger brother', but thank you." She leaned in and whispered, "I had him way too young, really, but," she shrugged. "He's a wonderful young man."

Yeah, not exactly my type, but then I'm more gourmand than gourmet in any case. "Y'know my wife and I are open about things, right?" She blinked. "So, y'know, if you're inviting or offering, I'm not real super hard up, what with having two Wives, a Concubine, and an unspecified side piece, not to mention a whole assed legion of folks I spend Fridays with." I paused, smiling to let her know I hadn't taken offense. "So, y'know, while any bribery attempts aren't being made to somebody who needs the bribe, any attempts at shit like scandal or blackmail or compromising positions aren't gonna work." She looked almost like she was about to fake getting angry, so I finished with, "but hey, you obviously brought out the top shelf goods to bribe me into indiscretions with, so I'm flattered as shit. Seriously." I looked Dimir up and down, then did the same with Danica. "Top. Shelf. Both of y'all."

I let her not-splutter for a minute, with Dimir going up in my estimation by not reacting at all, but subtly watching Danica to see how he should react when she decided, before I gave in. "Look, I'm not pissed, or tryna upset you. I really am flattered. I was really enjoying our conversation about kids. I'm also really sorry if I misread your intentions. But," I shrugged. "I'm not the greatest at this diplomacy thing."

No, really? Karen's face betrayed nothing, but her droll commentary in my head made it hard for me not to laugh.

Danica finally decided, and barked out a laugh. Dimir smiled, stood, and smoothly returned to mirror his partner. Then she broke my resolve and got me laughing with just two words. The right two, of course. "No, really?"

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