Dear Diary,

"I'm here to Champion your Free Will, To fight for your right to be, Your own person, free of Gods." - Tabitha Diaz, Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Closure

Here, in the first Verse of the Book of Closure, Tabitha makes what might be her most important statement in the Doctrine. Not just that she is our Champion, not just that she supports, defends, and fights for our free will, our Agency. The free will and Agency of those who choose to follow her. But that she fights for a world where we need no Patron to fight for us, where we are free to choose her, or another Deity, or most importantly no Deity at all, without repercussion. - Priestess Most High Above All Others, Archmage Imperator Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Commentary on the Doctrine of Tabitha

I don't remember where I first heard it, but back in the day I remember a meme about freedom of religion. I might be getting the exact quote wrong, and I know details matter, but the gist of it was something along the lines of 'freedom of religion is meaningless without freedom from religion'. Basically, if you can't write 'none' without some kind of negative bullshit coming at you, you don't really have freedom of religion. All you have is a choice between whatever the state recognizes as a 'religion' instead of a 'cult' or, y'know, a 'terrorist organization' or some bullshit like that.

Here and now I guess it's the same idea as any other bit of infrastructure. If you can't get the basic required benefits like an afterlife or healing or representation in government without choosing a Patron, that means you don't really have Agency, because the choice of 'this or death' isn't really a choice at all, no matter what sophists say. So if I really want people to have freedom of religion, freedom to choose whatever Deity they want to Worship, I have to champion the idea of them just not having a Deity or any other kind of Patron at all.

One of my teachers back in the day explained it by saying 'there are some freedoms where if you want anyone to have them, you have to give them to everyone'. I think he was talking about Just Cause, or... No, Due Process. That was the one. That whole 'if you don't have a procedure for telling if somebody is a citizen, your citizens don't have any rights whatsoever'. Because all somebody has to do is point and say 'not one of us', and you're screwed.

Same deal here. At least I think so, and I'm the Goddess, and my very favorite Worshippers get all extra Worshipful when I mention it, so I'm definitely supporting the idea that it's the same deal. Also, I guess if I give people without a Deity some Deific support, I guess it might convince some of them to follow me. But that's kind of an afterthought, not why I'm doing it.

So yesterday at sunset I stepped to M-Space on the Boltophsberg waterfront, only to be confronted by a screaming shrill bitch in a crappy faded sundress. Pale blonde, scraggly hair; not actually dirty or greasy, but the kind of stuff where somebody's never heard of conditioner or vegetables. Wide eyes that only looked wider because of her almost emaciated build. Worst of all, the voice I'd been hearing off and on for months now, repeating herself with more volume and more nose involved.

"You finally respond to my summons after all this time, and instead of bringing proper guest gifts, you steal from me?"

I shook my head and sighed. "Lady, I don't even know who the hell you are."

"Likely story. All know my name. All belong to me eventually."

I shook my head at the sheer entitlement. "Yeah, no. I got no clue. I recognize your voice, yeah, but you never said word fuckin' one when I hollered at you."

She snorted. "Me, respond to you? Why would I do such a thing? I am a Goddess, a Queen, and a Queen among Gods. You are just some... Perverted upstart."

I blinked. It had been a long fuckin' time since anybody hit me with that kind of bullshit, and that had been Larry in loser mode, who lashed out at everyone about everything. Then again, Ilmatar and Pyevatar both seemed to take a bit of offense when I suggested they might be a couple. Which at the time I thought might be because they were technically sisters, or just Not Gay, or something like that. Facing somebody who looked like the adult version of Slavic Tomoko and claimed to be local royalty was not the time I wanted to be discovering that girl kissing was frowned on in Boltophberg. Yeah, there had been clues, now that I thought about it. Still, I'd tried to give people the benefit of the doubt.

But that kinda shoved a bug up my ass. "Yeah, I've been out of circulation a while. But lemme try this again. New phone, who dis?"

She frowned. "Know this then, 'Champion of the Alliance': I am the ruler of Tuonela and Pohjola below it, the true realm, the pure realm without rot and decay. I am Loviatar, Queen of Death and Maiden of Pain."

Things fell into place. The weirdest one was that now that I knew what to look for, she looked just the tiniest bit like Loki, or maybe Hel.

Care, Daughter. She is old and cunning and I sense that she is surprisingly powerful.

Thanks for the heads up, Dad. You're the best.

I know.

"Yeah. Well." I stuck out a hand. "Tabitha Diaz. Patron Deity of the Alliance. Also, Mimic Reborn." Dunno why I added that last word, except that Saffron had done so a couple times, and I liked the sound of it at the moment.

She just stared at my hand like I'd wiped my ass with it. "You steal from me, and now you have the audacity to pretend to civility?"

I kept my hand out, but shook my head, both at her continued arrogant entitled attitude and to try and shake free any knowledge about what she was talking about. When it finally hit me, I gaped at her a little. "You mean Ivan? Ilmatar's dude? Think that's some bullshit there, you yelling at me about putting him back together. Do you throw this kind of shit fit about every Mortal Soul that gets Revived?"

She... I think she was tryna swell up, look all impressive. Her sundress got joined by a big, impressive cloak with a massive fur collar. Unfortunately for her, it wound up looking like she was drowning in that shit. Like she'd borrowed mom's furs for dress up, even. Still, she dropped her voice an octave and tried to boom out, "All Souls who fall in Boltophsberg's revolution are mine!"

Okay, her voice was too high pitched to really 'boom', but the volume had hit levels where my head hurt a little. I dropped my hand to my side. "Uh. Why? Also, gotta tell you, if one of my people drops here, I'm gonna be a little pissed if you try to claim them."

"Arrogant whelp." Pot. Kettle. Whatever. "By the contract sealing my hand to Vyenemoinen's in marriage, all who fall in a revolution against his rightful government are mine!"

That caught me by surprise. "Wait, wait, wait... You said you're married to Vyenemoinen?"

She sneered at me. "I see you finally begin to understand your plight!"

"Yeah, no, the same dude who runs Boltophsberg?"

"Since it's founding! The wisest and wittiest and most worthy of men, now become the wisest and wittiest and most worthy of Gods!"

I shook my head again. "You're talking about the dude I put in a bubble so his current government wouldn't slaughter his City's own population?"

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

"Thus stealing even more Souls who ought be mine by right! My husband waxes wroth!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, your dude waxes. I'm not really into completely hairless dudes, but I know plenty of dudes and even some chicks who are. But you did hear me mention that he's currently under glass?"

This woman really liked sneering. She sniffed, made a throwing away gesture, and scoffed at me. "He remains only because it suits his plans to do so at the moment, idiot."

Kitten?

I'll keep an eye on it for you, love.

Thanks.

"Okay, yeah, I get where you've got some kind of deal with the local big shot, but here's the thing. There are innocents up there who are gonna wind up getting hurt. Some of them are maybe people who don't exactly Worship me, but I'll be fucked if I let people end their lives over a pissing contest, especially one where our Alliance is getting blamed for 'being aggressive' or some shit like that. Just as important, there are kids in the City. I know I can't save every kid everywhere from everything that might hurt them, but right here, right now, in front of me, I'm gonna do whatever I can to keep the kids safe." I paused, thinking, and put on my best conciliatory voice. "Okay, look. There are some tensions in the City right now. Hopefully this little dust up has let people blow off some steam, but maybe not. Tell you what, though. You let me evacuate the kids, along with anybody who doesn't want to be part of the fight, and I'll step back and let everyone who wants to go at it to their heart's content."

She just glared at me, then shifted to look southwest, toward the Palace. Also, probably not coincidentally, to where the Sailors had half of the Adventurers surrounded. "Why would I do that? When all I need do is remind these stupid mayfly Mortals of all the pain their enemies have caused them?"

I felt her power flow outward from her, a roiling wave of... Trauma. Listening through Karen's ears, I heard a kind of roar spreading out from that wave, a collective indrawn breath followed by a low keening scream of anguish. Down on the docks, in the line of people waiting to be evacuated, Karen spotted men turning and pushing out of the line, headed for the waterfront. A couple even dove off the side of the dock to bee line for the epicenter of the fighting. Maybe an equal number of women followed them.

The same number of kids squirmed free, screaming with the kind of heart rending pain that only the recently orphaned felt.

"Yeah. No." I reached out, tentacles wrapping around, Warding and pushing that power back. That power hit my Ward, and I almost lost my shit right then and there. A moment later I stared at Loviatar from the length of my arms, my hands wrapped around her neck. Bloodlust rushed through me. Passion ruled me. Right then and there I realized that this bitch had been feeding on the bicentennial revolutions since the fuckin' City had been founded, and the memory of Souls called out for Vengeance.

Of course, right then I realized that she'd been passively feeding on all that, which meant that with all the tentacles that could reach, the best I could do was force her back down to one knee. "Silly would be Mimic. Thinking you could defeat me here, in my place of power, when the hour is mine by right!"

"Don't care about all that." I swept the kids out of the water, back to my ships. I absorbed every bit of the anguish Loviatar radiated, pouring it back to where the two of us stood, my hands around her neck, her hands clutching at my biceps. "Nobody hurts kids near me and gets away with it."

We struggled. We strained. The ghost of a deluge of rain poured down around us as time went wonky in M-Space, warped by power and belief and trauma and my burgeoning rage. "Do you think you can stop me, little one who believes herself to be the end of times?" She laughed, and if the sound came out as a wheeze, it wasn't the 'crackle crunch' I expected when I bore down on someone's neck.

"Gonna."

She laughed again. "You think you can hurt me?" She tilted her head down, looking up at me through her lashes. "Or is that another of your perversions? Do you enjoy hurting others?" She chuckled. "I am the Maiden of Pain, foolish child. Pain is an act of Worship unto me."

"Don't care. Gonna snap your fuckin' neck."

"Even as all that you love Worship me?"

Through the pounding of blood in my ears, the screams of fighting echoing through the streets of Boltophsberg, I heard a chorus of sounds that chilled my blood. Not here in M-Space, not through any medium as ephemeral as air, but from deep within my own mind, the sounds of my ladies screaming. Through them, the sounds of my girls screaming. From somewhere even deeper, some connection I couldn't fathom, two voices rising above the chorus of their sisters. Isnomi and Hailee, screaming out a single word in unison.

"Mama!"

I lost my shit. My tentacles swept across Boltophsberg, tips wrapping around every bit of Loviatar. In instants she lost her fingers, her toes, her hands and feet. I crushed and twisted, ripping away her calves and forearms as I crushed them. Rage tore through me, and I snapped her upper arms midway, twisting and tearing them and throwing them away to land in the harbor with my Kraken. Then I did the same with her femurs.

The entire time, the bitch kept shoving back, kept exuding agony both physical and emotional.

Worst of all, she kept laughing.

The look in her eyes, absolute eager anticipation, stopped me as my tentacles gripped her head and torso in preparation for ripping them apart.

I froze. She laughed in my face. "Foolish child. Thinking you could beat me. Foolish would be Mimic brat. Believing you could defeat me with pain. I am, pain, girl."

"Not gonna be anything except indigestion in a second."

She laughed again. "Go ahead. Do you think that if you consume me now, like this, in the place I have made my own, in my moment of greatest power, that I will not survive within you?" She narrowed her eyes, her voice going low and conspiratorial. "Did you not become enamored of Children after taking Diana? Enjoy lounging under the sun after your musical contest once you'd consumed Apollo?" Her mouth, covered by one of my tentacles, quirked into an anticipatory grin. "Don't tell me you didn't feel her elemental greed after consuming the Dragon of Atlantis. Half of the world heard you express it."

"No..."

"No matter if you let me free to consume the Mortals who are my due, or you consume me at this, the height of my power, and become me, I will live out the night." She barked out a single laugh and finished with, "and we both know that you will not, in any form you would care to recognize as yourself."

I froze, squeezing her, knowing I could bear down and end her, but not daring to, as her power flowed into me, her pain suffused me. I could take that pain, sure. I could take her power. But I didn't know if she was right. After what I remembered from eating the Mother of Water Panthers, I feared she was.

"Come now, child. Release me and let me sup upon your tears as you mourn your brats, or swallow me whole and mourn after you end them yourself."

"No."

I held her, dangling there, mid-gloat. "Daughter?"

"Is she right, Ma?"

"Possibly. You contain those you consume, until such time as you release them into the world once more."

I thought about that. "Like giving Apollo's Archery to Diana?"

Domnu nodded. "Among other similar situations."

I growled out, "would have been nice to tell me this before."

She just shrugged. "I only became aware of it upon observing it. I thought you knew."

"Fuck."

She nodded. "I shall return to my High Priest, then."

Hovering there in the mass of tentacles surrounding Loviatar outside of Time, I took a moment. Pain, frozen in that instant, radiated spikes through me. Through my ladies. Through my girls. Through all the people of Boltophsberg, and if I cared less about them than my own family, I wasn't gonna cry big tears about that. But I knew, somehow, deep in my bones, that the bitch was right. If I killed her, eventually some part of her would leak out and hurt my kids. Probably sooner than later, no matter how hard I tried to stop it. Shit, just like with her, the more I layered on the pain to stop her, the stronger she got.

I scanned the horizon, trying to think of something, anything.

I saw the void a mile out into the harbor.

I stepped the two of us to the far side of that void as time oozed back into motion. "You think I fear this abomination, this void you have brought to my City?"

I took a deep breath, centering myself despite the pain. I'd been in pain for so long, gotten numb to it so many times, that functioning despite it wasn't a big thing, now that my temper wasn't flaring. I shook my head, looking down at her. I smiled. "Nah. I think you're way too stupid for that."

I stepped us both back to the Mortal realm, slid her down just a touch as she and my tentacles both screamed, and in my most commanding, PA enhanced voice, barked out, "Turret Two Starboard Gun! FIRE!"

She shrieked louder than ever as everything below her breasts was torn away. I'm pretty sure that if I weren't, y'know, me, unholy Endurance and all, I might have died right then and there from the shockwave.

Instead I shifted left a few bit and dangled her further. "Turret Two Center Gun! Fire!"

Her shrieking died to nothing but a keening rattle as a Cold Iron explosive round carried her heart and lungs into the sky and burned them with fire and anti-Mana metal.

"Didn't you know? Gods are Mana made flesh. And Cold Iron doesn't interact with us very well." I nodded at the footprints I'd melted into the top of turret two as we shifted left. "I'm not gonna kill you, Lov. I'm just gonna hold you nice and still, and let some Mortals with really big tools do the job for me." At that point I finally saw the first spark of fear in her eyes. Felt the first wash of Worship from her. Slimy Worship oozing across my skin, trying to seep into me. I dangled her to look face first into a barrel bigger than her head.

"TURRET TWO PORT GUN! FIRE!"

I dropped her shoulders over the side, flopped over to the Mast to lay along one spar, and watched as the sun rose over the horizon.

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