I've lost many patients in my life.

I used to count them. To remember each and every name. I didn't do that anymore, since it hurt. It hurt too much, and distracted me.

But every so often… well…

The soft rainfall on the metal roof above drowned out my heartbeat, and the cold from the open windows nearby was quickly cooling my bloodstained hands and arms.

Taking a deep breath, I gulped down my emotions and thoughts for a moment as I re-assessed what was in front of me.

A woman was lying on a cot in front of me. A pretty blonde girl, who had striking red eyes. They were staring at me with a look of utter worry… and weren't focused or moving. She had a very light gown on, but it was now soiled and stained. By blood and much more.

She and I weren't alone in the room. Another life, another failure of my own, rested in my arms. The small baby wasn't breathing either, like her mother.

Two souls. I hadn't been able to save either of them.

"I'm so sorry…" I whispered as I reached over to brush off some of the blood from the babies face. I wasn't sure whose blood it was, the mother's or hers, but it didn't really matter.

Unlike her mother, the baby didn't have red eyes. She also didn't have the tiny little scales all over her body either.

The doctor in me, the scientist, knew that was the probable cause of death. The child had been a half-breed. It was becoming ever more common with pairings between vastly different bloodlines, and even humans, for children to be born stillborn or worse. There was no… outright obvious reason for the child's demise. Nothing outwardly told me what had been wrong with her, but there had been something terribly wrong.

At first I had thought the child had gotten stuck, or maybe was being strangled by its own cord… or maybe the mother had certain traits which caused complications, as some of our people had. For instance Nasba's people were sometimes born with broken tails, since they popped out with them already formed. The child was a half-breed, so there was no telling how the traits of the parents would form and manifest. Though obviously now it was clear none of that had been the case.

This child hadn't seemed to have had such problems. Once the mother's life had become in danger, truly in peril, I had went into motion. I had cut the baby out of her, in a way I've done many times. I knew how to do it. I knew how to do it in the way that kept both the child and the mother safe.

Yet it hadn't worked this time. The baby had been dead before I had even pulled her out.

Gulping a heavy heart, I looked up away from the baby and at the empty room around me. It wasn't a large room, but I felt as if it was a massive cavern. I felt cold. Freezing, almost.

These people had customs. One of those customs was no one was allowed to see the baby before the mother and father. It was considered sacrilegious. It had something to do with their culture, and how they perceived souls and stuff. Basically they believed a child's soul would be stolen if it was seen by someone other than their parents first. They were so serious about it that it had taken almost a full day before they had allowed me in here to try and help the woman.

They had been willing to overlook that very real rule in the mere hope I could save her or the child.

And I hadn't been able to do it.

This was my fault. I should have forced myself in here sooner. I didn't just allow the child to die, I killed the mother too.

Because I had obeyed their rules. Because I had just stood aside and allowed it to happen.

A harsh wind blew into the room, and I shivered. I blinked a few times, and realized I couldn't stand here forever. It was disrespectful to the dead.

Taking a breath, I gulped my shame and sorrow down and coughed a bit. "Marrow?" I spoke up, my voice cracking.

No answer came, and I knew it was not because they hadn't heard me.

Like me they were likely stunned. They knew what had happened. Anyone would.

The mother had been screaming in pain, after all. And now not only was she silent… so too was there a distinct lack of a babies cries.

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Even a fool would know what had happened.

"Marrow…? Would you please come in, Marrow?" I asked again, speaking a tad louder as I did.

The door, which hadn't even been closed all the way, opened. An older woman walked in, rather briskly, and then shut the door behind her.

I held the older woman's gaze, and gulped again as I stepped around the cot… and gestured lightly to the nearby table nearby. The one that had fresh cloth and linens, originally intended to cover and warm a freshly born babe.

The woman didn't say a word. She understood. She walked over, picked up the cloth and went to bundle up the child. She took it from me, as gently as if the baby was alive, and then she nodded. "Thank you for trying, Tosh," she whispered as she glanced up at me.

I clenched my jaw and nodded. "I'm so sorry. She… the baby was dead already. While inside," I said simply.

The woman nodded, obviously understanding.

"I… I don't know your customs, Marrow," I whispered as I glanced at the cot. The woman's face wasn't facing us, but I could still see the look on her face.

"None you need worry over, doctor. Let… let us handle it from here, please," Marrow said gently.

I nodded, and did my best to not let my relief be noticed as I stepped around the older woman.

Opening the door was easy. Enduring the looks of half the village as I stepped out, into the crowd… and past them wasn't.

Walking stiffly, I headed away from the house and headed for the small cottage they'd been letting me use since I got here. I wanted to wash away the blood, it was starting to harden… and I hated the feel of it. The drying blood was a terrible reminder of my failures.

I knew from memory that my cottage was on the other side of the village. A larger distance, actually, since they spaced their homes so far apart. Yet it felt as if only a few moments had passed from leaving the stares of the crowd and finding the door handle of my front door. I opened the door to the house, entered it… and quietly closed the door behind me.

The house was small. Like most here. But it was warm. Someone had lit the fireplace, and by the smell of the freshly cooked food had left me a warm meal as well.

"Wouldn't have done that for me if they knew how it would have ended," I mumbled as I headed for the backroom. Where a tub was located. I was going to just… sit in it. Cold water. Maybe I'd just drown myself while I was at it.

"Yes I would have."

I frowned and paused. I turned my head and found a girl I didn't recognize.

No.

I did.

I knew those red eyes. The light scales that glimmered a tad and were scattered all over her. That blonde hair. That look.

Either her sister or her daughter. Of the one I had failed.

I gulped, and suddenly was very aware of her. She was young in my eyes, but I knew better than to assume she was. These people here were thick in the blood, like me. Or well, most of them were. A few, like that woman's husband, hadn't been… but this girl was for sure like me. She could be my elder for all I knew.

"I…" I started to speak, but couldn't. My voice caught in my throat, and I immediately hardened myself. I coughed, just once, and then buried away my thoughts and emotions. Suddenly I was once again ready to operate, to perform surgery. Just, this time, on my heart and not on flesh. "I'm sorry. They're dead," I said softly.

The girl didn't even blink as she nodded. "I know."

My fingers twitched, and I assumed she knew because it's been longer than I thought it has been. I had been out of it while walking here. Probably had been more than long enough for this girl to learn of what happened, and then run here.

Was she here for vengeance…? I couldn't fault her if she was. Hopefully she was far older than she looked, then; otherwise I'll have to endure a lot of pain before she achieved it. She was small and scrawny, the small gown she wore hung off her as if it was many sizes too big.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, failing once again as I gave a weak and pointless apology.

"Mhm… I can see you are," she said with a nod.

Was that sarcasm…? If so that was cruel. I felt like my heart was about to stop. Even with me trying to keep my mind blank and empty… I still couldn't help but think of the woman's look on her face. Or the coldness of the baby in my hands.

"Come on. Let's get you cleaned up, then you can eat something and get some rest," the girl then said as she stepped forward, grabbing my hand.

"What…?" I shifted, and suddenly felt on guard. Why would she say such a thing? And why was she grabbing my blood-stained hand so gently like that?

She ignored me as she tugged me towards the backroom, the one I'd been heading for. The door was already open, and judging by the steam coming off the water inside the tub it was not only full but full of hot water.

Had she done this…? When? Why?

Maybe it was a part of their customs. They were an odd people… yet for as odd as they were, like so many in the Society, they were also so kind and gentle… to the point they even seemed willing to forgive me…

"Come on. Don't cry, a man shouldn't cry," the girl said as she started to help me undress.

"And a young girl should know better than to intrude in a man's privacy so boldly," I grumbled as I went to get my own clothes off before she could do it herself. I usually didn't mind it when a woman did such a thing, but right now all it did was make me feel even more like a loser than I already was.

"Hmph. And to think Vim spoke so highly of you. Come on! I worked very hard on that meal and I refuse to let you dawdle and let it get cold!"

Gosh she was worse than Sally or Nasba. Who was this girl? What was she doing?

Although I wanted to complain, I didn't. I got undressed, got into the tub… and before I knew it I was scrubbed clean, fed wonderful food, and then tucked into bed.

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