"Tiberius, it simply can't be done."

Balthazar's voice rose to a pitch I was unaccustomed to.

He stood behind his desk. I stood before it. There had never been open conflict between us before.

I pointed a finger at him. "He killed her. She was my friend and he fucking killed her. I want to look the prick in the eye."

"No. For the last time. This is a diplomatic mission. I want the bastard brought back here every bit as much as you."

"NO YOU DON'T." I was too angry to be surprised at my own voice. "Don't you dare say that. She was nobody to you. She was a person to me. I told her my secrets, she told me hers. I have to go back out there and look her wife in the eye."

Balthazar raised his hands in a sign of de-escalation. "Tiberius, listen to me. You're excited. You're grieving. I do understand that. But look at yourself. I can't send you with the delegation. By the Oracle, I wouldn't count on you not to take his head off then and there."

I snarled. "As long as it gets done."

He widened his eyes. "See? Look at this. It won't do. It's a sensitive situation. We need Buffalo to relinquish him to our custody. They surely will. It's beyond all reckoning that they'd hold him. The worst-case scenario in this is not that they'll refuse to hand him over, it's that they may already have put him down. But if you go there, Tiberius, listen to me. The Green Men run the city now. They won't want open war with us, surely, but if you go there impassioned as you are, they'll get defensive. It's simply not the place for you."

I stared at him. He stared back. Mine was a gaze of burning fury and murderous rage. His was dispassionate and practical.

I said, "Fine. But I want to do it."

He said, "Do what?"

"I want to take his head off. I want to execute him."

He cocked an eyebrow. It might have been amused even. "That could be… that could be arranged. I quite like the optics of that."

"I could give a shit about the optics. I just want to finish what I started when I took his hand. I could have finished him then."

Balthazar nodded. "Very well then, Tiberius, we can arrange that. For now I need to direct your attention elsewhere."

"Elsewhere?" I mumbled. Lauren's body was barely cold. How could I possibly direct my attention elsewhere.

Balthazar said, "I know this will be difficult for you. I am aware of the friendship you had with Lauren, that you have with Katya and Cornelius. I truly do know how it feels to lose a loved one so suddenly. I've been where you are, Tiberius. I deeply understand your emotions. They're plain on your face. But you are the Sword of Boston. One of your standing simply can't afford to dwell on personal matters. It's harsh, I know, but you have a city of people that depend on you, not just one girl."

My fist clenched involuntarily. One girl. He saw the movement. He was unperturbed. What was this man made from. He stood before a monster with the power to tear down buildings, a monster wild with rage and loss, and he didn't flinch in the slightest.

He said, "I'm not diminishing her, Tiberius. She had just been elected Speaker. You must know I have been watching her closely. Miss Oakcrest would have been a formidable member of the council. Hers is truly a loss to you, her friends, her family, but more, it is a loss to the whole city. And your energies and attentions are sworn to the city. You can't allow them to be diverted. The city has lost enough already."

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

I stammered. "What… I can't work now. I can't keep my head straight."

Balthazar nodded slowly, his stony face morphing into a semblance of empathy. "I know. I know. But this is the sort of moment when the great men step up and master their emotions. Tiberius, a delegation will ride for Buffalo in two days' time. If they are unsuccessful, then we really might be forced to take military action."

I just stared at him. He didn't know I'd already sort of taken military action. What would Buffalo think when they found the field of carnage so close to their walls. Would they blame Perdinger. He was truly mad. Would they blame Dirk. The kind of gore I'd left behind could only really be created by a fiend or a Griidlord.

Balthazar said, "If we take military action, we will need our suits in the field. We will need you in the field. That means the Griid-trains will shut down. War is a very costly business, Tiberius. If trade stops moving for even a few days, the repercussions are vast."

I said, "So?"

He said, "So… we need to clear as many trains off the schedule as we can."

My jaw fell open. "You want me to lead a Griidtrain? Now? Balthazar… my friend just died. I… I need to be with Katya. I need to be alone."

He said, "I wouldn't ask this of you if I didn't think you had the strength. Think of this as taking action. You need to clear the trains off the schedule to free yourself up in case we need you on the field. This is what a thinking man would call revenge. You're preparing for what you need to do. Impassioned vengeance may feel cathartic, but it comes with terrible fallout, terrible consequences. Take it from one who knows, taking your pound of flesh in the cold light of sobriety, free from fresh emotions… that is where the reward lies."

I couldn't respond. He watched me. He was a little wayrier of me than he had been before. He could feel the tether slipping. I could feel it too. If I was to guide a train on the morrow, it would be of my choosing, not his.

He said, "Go, be with your surviving friend. Explain to her what you're doing. Come back to me in the morning and we can give you your pick of the convoys."

I worked my mouth. It took a moment to find words. "I just want to kill the bastard. It's all I want."

Balthazar shook his head. "It's not what you want. It's certainly not all you want. You want to bring her back. You want to go back in time and make it so this never happened. But that's not available to you. So you want to express your hatred for the world by separating his head from his body. That's fine. That's good, even. I understand it. But it's not really what you want. It's a stand-in."

He moved around the desk. I felt myself recoil a little. Yes, this man had come to occupy a part of the role my own father had never filled. Yes, we had bargained well before. Yes, I supported him in many ways. But the way he held my gaze, the obvious effort he was making to emote, it was so unnatural to him.

He came to stand before me. "I promise, we will get you as much satisfaction as this sad world can possibly provide. But if you want to guarantee it, then you need to clear the convoys, free yourself and the other Griidlords so we can march if we need to march."

He opened his arms and I froze.

He said, "It's alright, Tiberius."

Then he hugged me. Despite all the swirling emotions I was feeling, I felt how disastrously wrong this was. Balthazar didn't hug. There would have been power in that gesture before but now… It felt hollow. Like manipulation.

A minute later I was in the hall. Balthazar was already in another meeting. He was preparing as though we would see war with Buffalo.

My blood chilled a little. I had been through a Falling. But in the Falling, there were rules. We didn't try to slay other Griidlords. In war, there was no such compunction.

Enki's voice was in my head. So, what are we going to do?

I replied, I think I'm leading a Griidtrain in the morning.

Enki said, And what about now? I get the feeling you've got a date with a bottle. Makes sense, kiddo. This was one holy fucker of a bad day. I mean, in the hierarchy of bad days, it doesn't get much worse. One of your only friends in the world got straight up murdered. And she got murdered by a man you could very easily have killed months ago. And then you went after him but failed. And then you straight up murdered a dozen officers of the peace that were only doing their jobs. I mean, seriously, kiddo, in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really get any worse than this.

I just stood in the hall, staring at the wall. The knights flanking the door to Balthazar's office shifted uncomfortably.

Enki said, So… what's it gonna be? Ale? Nah, not ale. You're not a schoolgirl. A day like today calls for whiskey. Really get in there and delete some brain cells. In an hour's time you can be in a state where you don't even know your own name, let alone Lauren's. Where are we going? Back to your chamber? The townhouse? The Imperial Hotel?

I stared at the wall another moment. What Enki spoke of called to me like a refuge. I could go to a bottle and make all of this stop, even if only for a little while.

I answered him. We're going to Castle Oakcrest.

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