A stand of trees, just a few miles distant, oddly calm, strangely serene after the tension of the meeting outside the walls. A small pond shimmered beneath the canopy of the trees. A frog swam with its kind's strange, awkward grace in the never-ending twilight of the shade.

Raquel leaned against a tree, watching me.

She had embraced me. Through all of the feelings that were suddenly erupting, I couldn't help but be aware of the risk she had taken to be here. She had heard the news and had come. Not for sexual gratification, not for intimacy, not for herself at all. She had come to be near me, knowing I hurt. It shocked me to discover what a balm she was.

She watched me pace by the side of the little pond. "I was afraid you'd be blaming yourself. I heard the stories. I was able to put the timeline together. You were with me… that's why it happened."

I looked up at her. The certainty in my voice was startling to my own ears. "That's not why it happened. I did… for a while, right after, I did feel that way. I did blame myself. I got swallowed up in it. It was so dark and black. Do you think we can… I think I was sick in the days after she died. Sick here." I tapped my head.

She nodded. "Of course you can be ill like that. I've been there too… in my own ways."

Silence. Not a bad silence, just two humans thinking their own thoughts and not minding that the other was doing the same.

She said, "So… you're okay?"

"I'm far from okay."

She said, "Fine, then. But you're not blaming yourself anymore?"

I shook my head slowly. Something was happening to me. Was it this moment, expressing my feelings to her, crystallizing everything that had been dissolved in the fluids of my thoughts? Was it the peace? Was it just having to face it all at last, not able to run to the City of Angels, not able to distract myself with the prospect of a war with Buffalo?

I nodded.

She said, "When you said 'that's not why it happened'... it sounded like you had an alternative theory."

I went to her, took her hands in mine. The way she watched me and looked at me, worried, interested. It made me feel seen and cared for. I felt my knee quiver.

I said, "I don't know what the hell we've been doing. Don't mistake me, Raquel, I love it. I've loved every minute of it. And this, you being here now, this has maybe been the best part of it. Not the best part, it's sad. But the most significant, important part. It means so much to me, you coming here. And the rest of it too. But we risk our suits, our lives, doing this thing."

She smiled, that detached amusement that was her trademark. "What's that got to do with it?"

I said, "Because it's insane that we have to hide like this. It's insane that we risk so much just to spend time together. It's insane that you came here to check on me, to comfort me, and you're risking everything to do it."

She glanced down and away, showing that other side of her, the incongruous shyness. "I had to."

I tugged at her hands, drawing her eyes back to me. "That's not the point. The point is the madness of it. I lost a friend this Falling, Chowick. He died fighting to win something that never needed to be won. This land was one nation once. It was one people. We are all one people. But now we fight for Flows. Now we make it treachery to love someone from another city. Now we can have cities fall into chaos, letting their suits wander the wilds committing murder, and the rest of the world just stands by…"

Her eyes had flexed wide and then contracted in feigned disinterest as I'd uttered that one word. But her attention remained fixed on me.

She said, "You know I have certain thoughts about how the world works…"

I said, "I know. You have dealings with Dirk. You have some connection with the Blood."

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She raised an eyebrow.

I smiled a little. "That's right. I know about the Blood."

She said, "He told you… shit, he must really think he can trust you."

I said, "I don't know why. I've never given him much reason. We're friends, I guess. Or associates. Something like that. But he's revealed a lot to me that maybe he shouldn't have."

She said, "Dirk has a way of knowing people. He has a way of sniffing us out."

I said, "Us?"

"Those who can't be satisfied with the way things are."

I sighed and let her hands fall gently away from me. I turned back to the water. The frog still flopped through the shallows. I had a moment to wonder how such creatures had survived to the modern day when they seemed so helpless in every aspect of their lives.

She sensed something in me and said, "I do think you're one of those people, Ti. That's what you're sounding like. Like you want to change things. I do too. It's a silly game, mostly. Acting out. I don't see any way to really change things."

The silence hung for a moment, tense and pregnant this time. I broke it.

"What if I do?"

Her voice was amused, but interested. "Do you?"

I said, "It's going to sound stupid."

It really was going to sound stupid. Unrealistic. Megalomaniacal. I hadn't even realized until that moment that these thoughts had been brewing in me.

She said, "Try me." She said it with a kind of wry amusement, but somewhere in there was a fascinated excitement.

I said, "I'm talking about changing the world."

Raquel said, "I believe you can change the world, Ti."

"How could you possibly think that?"

She said, "Did you use Assess on me when we first met?"

I nodded. I remembered. She'd been Level 19. My world had been so small then. What had I been? Level 10, I thought. To me that had seemed so powerful. And yet here I stood only months later at Level 36.

She said, "Do it again."

I cocked an eyebrow. Using Assess always felt a little invasive. Being invited to do it seemed strange. But then, we'd been invasive enough with each other in our previous meetings.

Subject: Raquel Moonclaw Status: Chosen Arrow Level: 27 Skills: ***, Griid-step

I whistled. Eight levels in such a short time. I knew they thought her a prodigy, but that was a stunning increase.

I said, "Wow, you've gone up… a lot."

She laughed without scorn and said, "You're such an idiot. It is a lot. It's off the charts. But what level were you when we met? What level are you now? I must have been close to double yours then. And I know I'm behind you now."

I wondered if there was a little bit of envy or bitterness in her words. She was a rising star. People spoke of her, of what she could become. But she was right. I knew I was special, the way I gained my levels, but the reality of it landed with something of a shock.

Then again… how unaware was I of that really? I was one of Enki's chosen. I was the Blood Butcher. The Blood Prince. The People's Champion. Doom Slayer. I think all of that—the idea of who I could be, not who I was—fed the strange thoughts that had been fermenting in the recesses of my brain.

She said, "I'll bet there's not a suit alive who's ever grown as fast as you have. I'll go better. I'll bet nobody, or next to nobody, has ever done that…"

She opened her mouth to say more. I felt her eyes penetrating mine, fixing me. Something was there that she wanted to say, something deep and dark and terrible. I saw the urge flash across her, then the fear push it down. I didn't chase it. Not then.

She said, "You'll be a match for Morningstar before long if you don't get yourself killed. Then you'll be better. You could be the greatest alive. Hell, Ti, from the moment I met you I could see you had the potential to be the greatest there ever was. So, yes, I think you can do whatever the fuck it is you're thinking about. Now, make a girl's journey worth its while and tell me."

My heart was drumming against my ribs. I could feel the blood gushing through my ears. She was so sincere. She meant what she said. She believed in me. She believed in me—not in the way Father had, rolling the dice and using me. My mother had apparently sold me. Harold had given me love, but always laced with pity. Balthazar saw me as something powerful, with potential, like a half-forged tool. But she really believed in me. I had no words to associate with the eruption of feelings I had in that moment. I rode a strange drunken high and I opened my mouth and let the words come out.

"It's rotten. The whole thing is rotten. We're gods, Raquel. We're human gods in these things. We could be saving lives, not taking them. We could be policing the lands instead of devouring lives during the Falling. I killed a man in the City of Angels. I slapped him and broke his body worse than being trampled by a herd of wild horses. You know what it cost my soul? I felt a little bad about it. That's not who I was a few months ago. This is sucking the life from me."

She muttered, "I know. Me too."

I said, "It can't go on like this. Well, maybe it can, but I can't be a part of it continuing this way. Chowick died the way thousands have died before him, in a bloody competition that doesn't need to go on. Lauren died because Buffalo went to shit and nobody was there to step in. You and I have to hide and risk ourselves because of weird compacts and endless conflict. We need to come together, the way we were before the Fall. One people. The fact the Green Men and the Blood are out there means there's a will for it to happen. Not everyone will want it. But it needs to be done, somehow…"

She said, "What's the solution, Ti? You're starting to sound like you want to conquer the world to bring it peace."

I remembered Rosegold's shriek. Worse than Thrax.

But despite that, despite how insane it sounded, I said, "Would it be so bad?"

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