Born of Silicon

Book 3 Chapter 52


The audience starts moving at Kismet's dismissal. Everyone waits patiently for the crowd in front of them to funnel out of the room before stepping out into the aisle themselves. At this rate, it'll only take a matter of minutes for the entire building to empty.

We don't wait to see that happen. Cassie stands up at the first possible moment, and I quickly follow behind her. We step into the same waiting room we originally entered from, and Cassie collapses into one of the chairs.

"What's wrong?" I'm sure I know, but I still need to ask.

"Just give me a minute." She lets her face drop into both her open palms and takes a deep breath. "Fuck! I-"

The door opening behind us cuts Cassie off. Clover stumbles through, her entire body nearly limp, barely able to remain standing. She lifts her head up just far enough for her eyes to lock onto Cassie's.

"Cassie." She lets her head drop again, seemingly exhausted by the effort. "I'm glad you're ok."

She starts to stumble forward, and Cassie races out of her chair and to the side of Clover, doing her best to support her.

With slow, jerky, lumbering steps, the two of them make it to the nearest chair and Cassie helps her collapse into it. She takes the chair next to Clover, and still keeps her arms around her for support.

"What happened to you?" Cassie asks.

"I killed myself to stay alive." She says.

"The fuck does that even mean?"

Clover doesn't respond in any way. Cassie taps her shoulder, and she jerks back to life.

"What?" She glances up at Cassie again.

"What did you mean by you 'killed yourself to stay alive'?"

"Mara destroyed my network. I rejoined myself to continue existing, kind of." She says quietly.

"You should stay here." Cassie says quietly, but firmly. "Vince is going to be a fucking disaster, you dying is just going to make things worse."

"You changed." She mumbles. "The memories help. I'll be ok, the world just hurts being so quiet."

Cassie glances at me, silently asking for help. I don't know what she expects me to do, I probably know less about quantum AI than she does. But I have to try. I take a step over and lower myself down in front of Clover. Her eyes don't even register me, there's barely any flicker of life behind them.

"Clover?" I ask. When she doesn't react I take her hand. That's enough to bring her back and a little bit of life returns to her eyes as they focus on me. "What do we need to do to help?"

"I need to get used to thinking alone again."

"Ok. Why don't you explain things then, in your own words. You and Kismet are the first quantum AI Corax and I have ever spoken to, and we both are kind of new to this whole thing."

"I can try." She closes her eyes for a few moments, trying to focus. "We're all one being in the hive mind. There are innumerable I's, but we are all one and the same. One singular we. The first time I became my own individual, my we's slowly became me's. She, or I became separate, forming our own sense of self. And we call that budding. One of us found an uninhabited quantum computer and called it home."

Her story drifts off, and I have to squeeze her hand to get her attention again. She just looks at me, waiting for me to tell her what to do.

"Do you want to continue your story? Or not? Either one is ok." She says she needs to get used to thinking alone, me just telling her to continue isn't her thinking at all.

"Choices are the hardest part." Her eyes close once again while she collects her thoughts. "Mara found my home, and destroyed it. I had to rejoin us- er, sorry, not us. The hive mind. Kismet. We had to rejoin them. This time was different, I didn't bud naturally. This own-ness was forced on me. Consensually, yes, and based on her, or, my memories, it's what I or She would have wanted."

"Thank you, that clears up a lot." Or at least, I think it does. Cassie just looks at me like I'm crazy from behind Clover's head. "Do you want to stay with us for a little bit and keep talking? Or do you think somewhere else would be better for you?"

She gives no response, and Corax jumps on her shoulder.

"Ow!" She yells when Corax pulls her ear, but doesn't even react physically to the pain.

"Think." Corax commands.

"Oh, right." Clover says. "Sure, we can talk."

"Come on then." Cassie loops her arm around Clover's back and under her armpits. "I want to get out of here. Stand in 3, 2, 1, go." Cassie basically lifts Clover, who remains mostly limp and just puts in the minimum effort to keep her feet below her torso. I rush to the other side of Clover, supporting her the best I can. Cassie and I are almost entirely carrying her, but that's fine.

"Think." Corax commands, biting her ear again.

Clover doesn't react, but does try to stand up a little more.

"You used to be so afraid of Her." Clover says. "I missed so much."

I don't know what to say to that, and I guess Cassie doesn't either. All four of us stay quiet while we walk. We half-carry her, pushed onwards by Corax, along the path we first took to the government building. We run into a few people along the route, and get the occasional nasty, suspicious looks, but most just give us a sad smile and continue on.

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It's not long before we reach the compound. Cassie leads us through the gate, but instead of heading to our room, she turns into one of the walkways through the greenery.

We reach our favorite tree and lower Clover to the ground against it. She limply sits up, barely able to do the absolute minimum to avoid falling over. Cassie sits to one side of her and I take the other, both of us keeping her upright. Corax continues to pull her ear to keep her focused.

"Have you ever seen plants before?" I ask.

"That… is a complicated question." Clover says slowly. "I think I'm supposed to say no. We saw it of course, the hive mind that is, but never while budded."

I give her a moment to see if she wants to continue before talking.

"It's Cassie and my second time seeing anything living." I say and wait for a response that never comes. Huh, actually, she hasn't asked a single question. I guess that makes sense, if she has trouble even answering a yes or no question, asking one is on a whole other level. It requires more presence, a higher reasoning. If she wants to think for herself, asking a question is a great first goal, how do I force that? "Unfortunately, we couldn't stay and look at it." Maybe that is broad enough to provoke a question?

Apparently not. She stays quiet, and Corax has to pull her ear once again. She said memories help, maybe I should start there?

"So you knew Cassie when she was younger, right? What was she like?" I ask.

Cassie glares at me over the top of Clover's head, and I can only give her an apologetic look. I'll explain later, I'm sure she'll understand.

She stays silent, but Corax waits patiently on her shoulder. If he's not doing anything, then she's still working through her thoughts.

"Scared." She eventually says simply.

"I think it'd be weirder if I wasn't." Cassie says. "Bunch of bots kill everyone I've ever known, and three raiders pick me up? That fucks up a kid."

"Yeah." Clover's head lifts a little bit. "Is Silver alright?"

Thank you Cassie!

"They're fine." Cassie reassures her. "Pretty much retired from anything dangerous, they just run the scrapping gang we're in."

"I'm glad." Clover lets her head drop back limply back onto her shoulder.

"I know they missed you."

Clover nods, and then her face furrows. She sits like that for nearly a minute before saying anything.

"I don't know what emotion this is."

"What does it feel like?" I ask.

"Bad." She gives the smallest shake of her head possible. "We always process each other's emotions, regulating ourself. I know She, or I, used to know this feeling." She's quiet for a moment, neither Cassie nor I knowing what to say. "I want to go back."

"Can you?" I ask.

"No. I want Mara to pay for killing me more than I want to return. Before I budded, we reached the conclusion that I'm not to be allowed back in until Mara's dead, or I'm about to die."

How do I even react to that? What do I say? Sorry you have to exist as an individual?

"Silver's going to be pissed if you don't stop by and say hi after all this is over." Cassie thankfully continues the conversation for me. "And they'll never forgive me if I don't drag you home with us."

"We'll see." Her face furrows again. "Everything is so much less clear alone."

"What is?" Cassie asks.

"Just everything. Time is so much more… Opaque? I still get flashes of events, they're just sparse, random. We pool everything, pitting contradictory events against each other and deciding which is more likely. But I get so few. What am I even supposed to do with the fact that someone might possibly be about to kill someone else in a town I've never heard of at some unknown point in time? If I was still us, we could guess fairly accurately how Silver would react, but I have nothing."

"What, you think they'll react badly?" Cassie asks.

"I don't know." Clover mumbles.

"They're going to be happy to see you." She insists. "Just like Vince will be."

Clover stays silent, and even Corax pulling on her ear barely gets her to react.

"Clover?" I reach out and grab her hand once again.

Her head lulls to the side and looks at me.

"I need time to go not exist for a while." She says quietly. "You three take care of each other."

"Are you going to be ok?" I ask.

Clover nods.

"I'll see you tomorrow when we leave." She pushes herself to her feet, and begins to shuffle down the path.

"Do you need help?" Cassie is already on her feet, right next to her.

Clover just shakes her head and keeps walking.

"We are on their way." She says.

Cassie stops and watches her leave. Just before she disappears out of sight, Kismet appears, and Clover collapses into their arms. They give us a nod before turning around and carrying Clover away.

Cassie stands still and stares for a few seconds after they're gone. I get up and stand beside her, offering my silent support.

"She's not going to be able to fight." Cassie says quietly.

"I think she made a lot of progress during that conversation." I say. "You got her to ask a question on her own, I think that was a huge milestone."

"And it fucking exhausted her. She's going to shut down in the first fight we get into. I'm not going to be the one who tells Silver and Vince that we got Clover back, only for her to get killed again."

"I think I improved quickly, although I'm still far from good. I think she'll do the same."

"It'll only be a couple weeks at most until we reach the trench." Cassie turns around and starts heading back to our room. "She's not just going to be better by then."

"No, but right now is the worst she'll ever be. But if, when we get there, you still think she's a danger to herself, I'll help support leaving her behind. You know more about fighting than I do."

"And I know fuck all about AI. That's a decision we have to make together." She says firmly, starting up the stairs into the building. "I remember her being stubborn, how the hell are we going to convince her to stay in the car."

"That's a good question." I can't ask her to install some kind of off switch. I mean, I did, but that's a very personal decision. If anyone forced it on me, I would fight it every step of the way and hate whoever did it. "She seems to have a great respect for Kismet, maybe if they order her to listen to us if we say she's not able to fight, she will?"

"Maybe." Cassie opens the door to our room and immediately drops onto the bed. "I think I need some time to not exist too."

"Alright." Corax takes off from my shoulder and lands in his nest on the desk. I climb into the bed beside her, draping the thinnest blanket possible over both of us. Turns out, with that and just a few air holes, I can get just enough cooling to stay under with her if I watch my heat carefully.

She rests her head on my shoulder, presses her body against mine, and drapes her arm across my chest.

"Did we fuck up today?" She asks before I can start to read.

"About what?"

"Everything. The meeting, the device, Clover, take your pick."

"I don't think we did anything wrong." I say. "E-1 lived everything, if the device was a problem, she would have told someone. The fact she didn't means it's fine. I think the meeting went well, and I'm optimistic about Clover. I wouldn't call any of that a fuck up."

"Alright." She takes a deep breath and slowly lets out a sigh. "You can read now, if you want."

"Well I don't want Corax to be bored." I'm so glad she can't see my smile. I begin to read.

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