The ambiance at the family dinner was icy.

The dinner table in Set's pyramid had never felt so long. Wepwawet sat on one side with Artemis while doing his best to hide his nervousness. His father and stepmother faced them on the other side, though a large space separated them, and Wepwawet could cut the tension in the air with a knife. He knew that Astarte and his dad hadn't been on the best of terms since the Storm Gods Alliance party, but he thought they would have made up by now. They had their spats now and then, but had always reconciled.

This looks serious this time, Wepwawet thought as he straightened up in his seat. Neither his dad nor Astarte had uttered a word to each other, and his father was obviously in a very foul mood. The way he stabbed his lettuce reminded Wepwawet of a warrior trying to behead a hated enemy, and thunder echoed outside the pyramid. His father looked like an angry jackal about to explode in rage. This is bad…

This had to be about the blackmail material. Ganesha had already confirmed that the pictures had been posted all over the Nexus' Godnet, and considering Set's extensive reach, he had to have been informed. Wepwawet hoped that coming here tonight with Artemis would at least dull the blow, assuage his father's fears, or convince him the Horus thing was all a set-up. His dad was familiar with intrigue; he had to understand…

Wepwawet sensed someone hitting his foot under the table and glanced at Artemis. True to her word, his friend had agreed to join him and act as his beard for tonight to get his father off his back, but he couldn't tell if it had made any difference so far. Artemis was looking at him and then at his dad insistently, egging Wepwawet on to break the awkward silence.

That's right, I have to make a move… I can't stand that silence either. Wepwawet cleared his throat. "Dad…"

"When were you going to tell me?" Father cut in sharply while stabbing his lettuce so hard the knife cut through the plate and the table beneath it with a screeching sound.

Wepwawet's voice died in his throat. His father was boiling mad, but he had enough self-control to keep it contained for now. If they said the wrong thing at the wrong moment, then he might explode and–

"Hopefully never…" Artemis muttered under her breath.

Wepwawet froze in place as his father finally looked up from his plate, his eyes red and baleful.

"What did you say?" Set asked, his voice so deep and his gaze so intense that Artemis' confidence shattered like glass.

"I-I mean…" Artemis scratched her cheek, suddenly a lot less brave than before. The stress of the past few days and Set's glare quickly caused her to lose control of the narrative. "We have been friends for a while and, uh…"

"W-we didn't want to bring our families into it," Wepwawet lied through his teeth in order to take his father's attention away from his friend; something which he regretted instantly when he felt the full weight of his sire's judgment on his shoulders. Damn it, he was starting to forget his lines! "We didn't know how to tell you–"

"You should have!" Set smashed the table with his fist in anger, cracking it. "How long has this been going on?!"

"Not…" Wepwawet gulped. How could lying to his father frighten him more than fighting Whiro? He thought Set wanted to see his son in a relationship! "Not too long ago…"

"That was long enough for our enemies to strike first!" Set snapped his fingers, and a photo appeared out of thin air. "Look!"

Wepwawet already knew what the picture represented before he even saw it. As he feared, his dad had indeed seen the blackmail photo… but to his fury, the blackmailer had also gone a step further by adding crass text like 'birdtop and wolfbottom' and 'falcon speed sex' as captions. His fists clenched in anger and embarrassment.

"Look at this! Look at this System AI-generated fake news montage! The mere sight of this picture makes me sick!" Set gritted his teeth with fury. "If you had announced your relationship earlier, we could have avoided all of this slander!"

The worst part was that Artemis suppressed a chuckle of amusement upon reading the captions, much to Wepwawet's annoyance. "It's not funny, Arty!"

"Sorry, sorry," Artemis said after calming down. "That's… that's mean."

"This is sabotage!" Set retorted. "My son dating the daughter of another Pantheon's Overgod would have clinched his nomination for the throne of Ra, so of course my brother and his supporters had to sow fake news!"

His answer took Wepwawet aback. "That is what you are mad about?"

"This again, Dear?" Astarte said, finally speaking up with clear annoyance. "Can't you be happy for your son dating a girl he likes?"

"Of course I am happy my son is about to seal an alliance with the Greco-Roman Pantheon!" Set replied, which made it clear he couldn't care less about his son's relationship beyond its political ramifications. "But he should have told us so we could announce it ourselves and cover our bases! Now everyone will think you're only dating Zeus' daughter to hide a scandalous affair with my impotent pigeon of a nephew!"

Which… which wasn't entirely wrong, from a certain point of view…

Wepwawet wasn't sure what to feel right now. On one hand, he was glad his father had dismissed the blackmail picture as both lies and intrigue; on the other hand, the fact Set only cared about his son's relationship for its political benefits and didn't even consider that this blackmail attempt was about the fight for Elphion rather than Grandpa Ra's succession gnawed at him. Artemis had also grown eerily quiet, biting her tongue.

"Now the best we can do is damage control," Set said after calming down a bit. "We should announce your engagement at the earliest opportunity–"

"What?!" Artemis bolted out of her seat. "No way! I didn't sign on for that!"

"What, you think you can treat my beloved son like a fling?" Set replied with what could pass for parental concern. "I warn you, young woman, I won't have you toy with his feelings and then cast him aside like his mother did to me!"

"Set, they aren't ready," Astarte argued, the mention of Wepwawet's mother annoying her to no end. "I'm sure this is exactly why they didn't want to break the news to us so early. They want to take it slow."

"Y-yeah, that's right," Wepwawet said, using the opportunity to get his father off their backs. "I mean, we've been friends for a very long time, but we aren't sure how it's gonna pan out now that we're actually…" Wepwawet found the strength to lie. "Dating."

"Mmmm…" Set grumbled as he crossed his arms. "It's true that it would reflect poorly on us if you were to split up after we announced an engagement..."

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"Can you just not give your son some space and keep these two out of your schemes?" Astarte asked with frustration. Wepwawet had the intuition that they had been arguing about the matter a lot while he was warring on Elphion.

"How can I when the family's reputation is at risk?!" Set replied, the thunder echoing his anger outside. "Look at this picture! They are trying to frame my son as a bottom!"

"Is that what you are worried about?" Astarte rolled her eyes. "Are you still bitter about the Thoth affair?!"

"I will never stop being mad! That boy dared to piss on my salad!"

The two gods continued to argue so much with each other that they ended up completely forgetting that Artemis and Wepwawet were even there. The two exchanged a glance, then skittered away from the table while the two supposed adults in the room continued to shout about a lettuce-related incident Wepwawet didn't want to hear anything about.

"I thought you liked the taste!" he heard Astarte shout at his father.

"Because I thought it was ranch sauce!"

Wepwawet shuddered and did his best to repress that memory.

"That… that wasn't so bad," Artemis said once they left the main hall and retreated into another part of the pyramid. That was a blatant lie, but Wepwawet appreciated the attempt to cheer him up. "Your father is an insensitive dick though."

Wepwawet knew he should have protested, but part of him knew she was right. His father had always been stern and difficult, but his feud with Horus' side of the family brought out the worst in him.

"At least he bought our story," Wepwawet said. Even if he had it entirely the wrong way… "Thanks, Arty."

"Hey, you would have done the same for me." Artemis scratched the back of her head. "I'm gonna put a nail in that engagement plot though. That would be way too serious, even for me."

"It's fine. We can just keep up the charade until the end of the Elphion project, and then we can drop it by the time my dad is off my back." Artemis gave Wepwawet a strange look as he said those words. "Arty?"

"Do you think your father loves you for you, or what you can do for him?"

The question came out of nowhere and hit all the harder for it. Wepwawet immediately opened his mouth to reply that, of course, his father loved him—he had always provided guidance and sound advice, never disciplined him too hard beyond the occasional harsh words, and used to play with him when he was younger. All his attempts at putting Wepwawet on the throne of Ra had to be partly out of concern to see his son succeed in the world beyond his feud with Osiris.

But… the fact that Wepwawet would rather lie to him about the circumstances of how the picture was taken and that he didn't dare to tell him he wasn't interested in the succession of Ra gnawed at him. He feared—nay, he knew—that his father would react badly to such news, because Set's love might not be unconditional.

"I don't know," Wepwawet confessed. "I don't know, and I'm afraid of finding out."

"That's… that's a downer answer." Now Artemis looked outright ashamed. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

Perhaps… but on the other hand, she was right to raise the issue. Wepwawet himself had tried to ignore it for too long. "Is it the same with your Dad?"

"No, not at all." Artemis avoided his gaze. "I mean, Dad can be a creep at times and a bit overbearing, but he's pretty tolerant. He never forced me or my sister Athena to date or marry anybody, though he would like it very much, and he mostly lets us do whatever we want. Ares is the only one of his kids he doesn't get along with, and he's a dick."

"Must be nice." Wepwawet tried to hide the bitterness in his voice, but decided to change the subject. He had had enough of his father for the day. "So… are we going on a date?"

"Only if you pay for it!" Artemis pumped her fist with excitement. "I want to play a game of laser tag! My brother Hephaistos has built a new sci-fi course where we can team up to shoot robots and golems, you'll love it!"

"I know you will, because you always win those games!" Wepwawet chuckled. "But sure, let's do it."

The laser tag game… was nice.

It was very nice, actually. Hephaistos had built a starmaze arena where players could wander its corridors and shoot at planet-sized robotic minotaurs and other cosmic critters with moon-shattering rifles. Being both gods of the hunt and scouting meant that Wepwawet and Artemis cleared it handily with an enormous amount of points. It was fun, and they laughed all the while.

Come to think of it, it might have been the first time that Wepwawet hung out with Artemis without Ganesha in tow. The three of them had always been together and had only been separated for a short while on Elphion itself. It felt weird, but not in a bad way either.

Maybe he should take Artemis on 'dates' more often…

"Phew, I needed that," Artemis said after they exited the starmaze with a brand new record. "Those treacherous snakes Hel and Anansi intensified their attacks on my people lately, and I've been wanting to blast something for days."

"You don't say," Wepwawet replied. A few of the monsters in the maze had been unicorn-themed, which suited him well.

"I still can't believe that horse-faced bitch and her pals dared to launch a surprise attack on you either." Artemis spat on the ground. "What do they hope to win besides an asskicking?"

"That's what I've been wondering too," Wepwawet replied. "I can understand why Epona would strike at Lavaland, and an alliance between the southern powers would strengthen ties between them, but your Wyld is a vast and dangerous region filled with giant monsters. I'm not sure what resources they hope to take from there that would outweigh the risks."

"Anansi's changelings are forcing my people to work in mines or to gather spice for them, so they're just greedy colonialists," Artemis replied. "I don't understand the undead's deal, though. They just show up to launch raids or steal stuff without any plan. It's like they're playing pirate for fun with no afterthought."

"They might be," Wepwawet replied. "One of Hel's Champions all but admitted to one of mine that he participated in Salamandra's siege out of boredom."

"Then Hel is cruel and stupid," Artemis complained. "Is she trying to get her people destroyed?"

Wepwawet shrugged his shoulders. He didn't know enough about Mortis or the other southern countries to understand their political situations. Hel might be trying to purge part of her nation's elites by sending them on wild goose chases abroad or to solve an overpopulation issue similar to the one that plagued Lavaland.

"Whatever the case, we're both stretched thin," Wepwawet complained. "I'll try to increase weapon shipments your way, but I can't allocate troops until I've retaken all of Lavaland."

"Fine by me," Artemis replied. "The more pressure you put on Hel, the fewer raiders she can send my way. Then I can pick off Anansi's spiders at my leisure."

"But the situation doesn't benefit us." Wepwawet crossed his arms as he pondered the current state of affairs. "The two of us are now in an alliance with Ganesha and Ishtar, while Epona's group includes Watatsumi, Anansi, and Hel. That's four gods on each side, except all our foes border each other and thus will have a much easier time reinforcing another."

Moreover, the only pathway easily connecting Artemis' Wyld to Verglane was her Altar in the northern sea. Its destruction would disrupt all communications within them. Wepwawet also suffered from now having a territory too vast for him to protect the borders properly, and he had taken so many losses recently.

"Yeah, but we've got a bigger advantage," Artemis countered. "Besides Ishtar, we're all friends. If one calls for help, the others always answer. I would bet my legendary bow that all those schemers will turn on each other the moment things get tough."

"True, the southern alliance is almost entirely transactional," Wepwawet muttered to himself. The fact that Epona couldn't convince Hel and Watatsumi to surrender the claimed Lavaland Altars pointed in that direction. "Our best bet would be to drive a wedge between them, if we could find one."

"Or tip the balance by recruiting more muscle."

"I don't think that will be possible," Wepwawet replied. "Axomamma and Sun Wukong made it clear they'll sit this one out, and I'm certain Beelzebub is already working hard to inflame tensions between all sides."

Artemis gave him a long look. "I wasn't thinking about any of them."

Wepwawet grunted and struggled against the urge to facepalm. "Don't tell me you want us to recruit Horus…"

"Hey, don't get me wrong, I dislike that stuck-up jerk too! I would rather punch him than ask for his help!" Artemis grunted. "But horseface and her posse might give him a better deal if we don't get to him first."

That… that made an unfortunate amount of sense. Horus had agreed to a truce until the blackmail matter was settled, and the photo was now out in the open. If anything, Horus might attack Wepwawet's civilization to put that scandal to rest.

They would need to secure his neutrality in the conflict at a minimum, but approaching Horus directly might cause issues, considering the current situation. His cousin might blow him off simply because he wanted to avoid encouraging gossip or reacting with hostility.

They would need an intermediary.

Wepwawet pondered the matter for a moment. There was actually someone who was on good terms with both him and Horus without any skin in the Egyptian Pantheon's game of thrones; someone who could try to mediate between the two sides of the family, because he belonged to both.

"I'll ask our older brother for help," Wepwawet decided. "Anubis."

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