A pause hung in the air as I burned the image into my mind. My mom and dad, along with my sister. I swore that I would never forget their faces again.

"Just as you were reborn, they could be as well. However, I would have to wait for a while due to logistical reasons. Eventually, I could have all of you be reborn into this world with wealthy families. You could live happily with strong, healthy bodies."

'That sounds too good to be true… Is it a trick? My memory's still kinda hazy…' "Ok. If I go through here… what happens to Siya?"

"With your soul having left, she would die, and your family would be safe from the dangers of having let you live. There would be no catalyst for change in the kingdom, and eventually, they would be annexed by the empire and the confederation. Having refused to kneel, my people would all be executed sooner or later."

'So she dies. Or in other words, I die again… I can't rule out the possibility he's tricked me before… Why else would I have accepted such a stupid second life…'

As I looked at his soft face my heart ached and I pitied him. "Why are you giving me this choice when you want me to take the worse of the two options," I grumbled before looking away again.

"You've suffered enough because of me. Honestly, I never imagined it would be as hard as it is for you there. You gave it all you had, and you had a good run. If you so choose I will reward you, even if you didn't technically complete your task, you still did something amazing. Despite that, if your will to continue living isn't at least strong enough to make this decision, then Siya will die anyway."

I turned around staring at the gate, lifting my hand up to it. I could see my sister from my past life walk up to me, raising her hand up on the other side. "It's unfair… Saying that I have to let a whole nation burn to get what I want… But if that nation burned, wouldn't it be for the better anyway?"

'I almost feel like this is the game menu screen… I either get to respawn or just give up… Putting it like that…' I sighed, scratching my head.

His eyebrow furrowed as he thought of the possibility. "It's your choice."

Even in the video games I played, I valued people's lives, although it wasn't altruistic. It was basic logic, the more numbers you have the better, and the more casualties you cause the more hatred grows against you.

This felt different though. These were real people. Could I make that sacrifice for my own happiness? I wasn't sure. He was so certain of the outcome, but it was possible it wouldn't even turn out the way he thought, even if I did go back there was no guarantee I could actually change anything. "What if I go back as Siya and die? Can we just default to the other one?"

He raised an eyebrow, staying silent.

I looked back at the other gate. I was sitting alone in the rain, leaning against a wooden sword that was stuck in the ground and over twice my size. My body was beaten and covered in bandages. A cloud opened up and a ray of light and warmth shined through, but the rain never stopped. It was a life of pain and loneliness.

He stepped up the stairs behind me. "You've come here before. Every time you do I give you this choice, and every single time without fail you choose to go back"

'Probably because I feel like it's too good to be true… And it's actually just a trap…'

"You like challenges, you're addicted to them, and this is the greatest one you have ever faced. When it feels impossible of course you hate it, it's no longer a challenge. However, when I tell you it's within reach, and that I still believe you can do it, you choose to go back every time."

"It is filled with pain."

"But can you not also see the love?"

"You seem to be confusing that with pity…"

The image in the gate changed. Shuffling through various points in my life. The guard who lent me his cloak, my father saving my life with his great axe. There was a time when I was supposed to clean out the stables, but Catherine saw how tired I was and helped me. She ended up doing almost all of it herself… Still. I found it hard to think of any of that as love.

"I-I…" I turned away. "I'm not ready yet." I knew I had been healed, but that meant only one thing, the moment I went back and woke up, training would start again, and not just with Mara, but my brothers as well. Which was so much worse…

"You are a bear with golden fur. No one is ready for life, but that's what makes it interesting. Isn't that what you like about strategy in the first place? You never know what will come next."

I let out a nervous chuckle, "Your arguments are weak, and you called me a bear twice now… I'm not exactly sure how to take that, but… the tea was good."

He smiled. "The strength of one's argument doesn't matter when the target of persuasion has already made up their mind. You're strong Siya, don't let anyone tell you differently."

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

"Why would I choose to go back to a place like that?" I started tearing up with a smile on my face. I had already made up my mind, that much was true, but even after making the decision, following through with it wasn't any less difficult.

I turned to look back one more time. The wind gently blew through his golden hair as his soft voice reached out to me. "Whatever your reason, you will go back… every time it's the same."

"I think you're wrong…"

"Oh…?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think I choose this life because I like challenges…" 'truly a weak argument… All he has going for him is that pretty face of his…'

"Is that so?" He slowly crossed his arms, clearly trying to appear stern. His inability to hide his smile and his young appearance both made that impossible though.

I couldn't help but softly smile back. "It's what my sister would have done."

He slowly nodded. "You feel as though she would be disappointed in you."

I shook my head. "No… She could never be disappointed in me. It's because…" I looked over at the gate one last time. "I just always wanted to be like her."

"How very interesting…"

Looking back, I made out a grin just before I took a single step forward and entered the gate towards the life of Siya.

My feet were pulled out from under me as I began to fall. Just as my head passed the ground level of the clifftop I felt another rush of wind.

I gasped for air. My eyes opened and my body ached. It was a sharp contrast between the comfort I had felt when I was with Agis.

After catching my breath, I couldn't help but let out a weak groan as I began to move. All of my joints were stiff, and my body was still exhausted.

I rolled over to my side and looked up to see my father gently holding my hand between his own. His eyes opened softly and he looked down at me "Siya." He let out a sigh of relief moments after saying my name. "So you made it…" Even through his rugged beard, I could see the corners of his mouth had fallen, and his eyes had narrowed.

"I don't suppose I earned something for all that?" I tried to let out a laugh, but my voice was so dry and quiet that I couldn't even hear it.

"More than you know…" He said softly, gently placing my hand on the bed and leaving without another word.

'More than… What does that mean? Do I not get to pick? Hey!' I barely had the strength to pick my head up, unable to call out to him. "Hey…" my voice muttered. "D-don't leave…" I sighed, staring up at the ceiling as a tear bled from my eyes. 'There's nothing worse… Then being alone when you're hurting…'

Almost the moment I thought that Mara of all people walked in, making me want to take it back.

"So you made it…" She growled, almost as if she was angry I survived… Angry at something, at least.

"Wasn't that basically guaranteed after I got healed with magic…" I grumbled, starting to get annoyed by them both saying the same things. "Why does everything hurt?"

She calmly sat down and took a close look at me. My fingers, my skin, my face… I couldn't tell what she was looking for exactly, but she didn't seem to find it. "You're cold… And tired I'm sure… But you're alive… It never hurts to check you know… Undead being a thing and all…"

She took another deep breath and let my hand fall back to the bed as she leaned back in the chair at my side, her head sinking down into one of her hands as she closed her eyes, showing signs of exhaustion for the first time I could remember… And I had a perfect memory.

"S-so… For the record… I'm not right…"

She slowly lifted her eyes, becoming alert again and straightening her posture. "Not what?"

"Not like… A zombie…"

"For someone not scared of anything, you have to worry about the strangest things."

I stared at her blankly, unsure how to respond, or where to even begin. It's not like I was fearless… She just never put me into a position where I was high in the air… 'Wait but…' "Weren't, you… The one that said you had to check to make sure I wasn't though?"

"No, you'd have to be dead for weeks to become a zombie. You'd be a…" She suddenly stopped, her words trailing off as if she suddenly didn't like the conversation anymore. "It doesn't matter… Either way, you're not one. You're alive…"

'You don't have to be so excited about it…' I sighed, turning my gaze to the ceiling. 'If I'm healed… Why can't I move?"

She stood up, walking away just like that, as if she was trying to get out unnoticed. "Hey!" I shouted, somehow managing to barely push myself up, if only a little. "You… Can't just leave…" Just from that small movement I was already out of breath, my body breaking into a cold sweat

"What makes you think I can't…" She said back, not even turning as her voice echoed with a dull annoyance.

"I-I-uh…"

With a heavy sigh and roll of her eyes she turned around. "Come on Spit it out."

Her eyes were so intimidating they were impossible to look at, instead, I looked at my hands, softly fidgeting with the unfamiliar dress I found myself in and rubbing the fabric between my fingers. "I just, well…"

"Speak up."

My shoulders rose as I tensed up even more, letting out a small high-pitched yelp at her stern voice interrupting me. 'I really hope she didn't hear that…'

She slowly crossed her arms, telling me she probably did. "Well…" She egged on, her voice becoming louder and more stern.

Every time she spoke it only made me want to be even quieter. "I'm hungry…" my voice cracked as my eyes nearly started watering again.

Originally I was going to ask for her to bring me some food, or even just to stay with me because I didn't want to be alone, but… I was so embarrassed, and hated the idea of asking her for help so much that it ended up devolving into 'I'm hungry' on the way out. 'I really am pathetic…' I sighed, looking out the window again for a moment.

"So go get some food." Her voice had a chilling annoyance to it that matched her glare. But somehow I was so overblown by it that something cracked and it was like it suddenly stopped bothering me.

'She's still mad for some reason… Maybe I shouldn't ask her to carry me. If she could just bring me something to eat that would still help.'

"Can– you–" I turned away, trying to remove the vulnerability from my voice before I continued. "Bring me some…" 'After all my training to be stronger it pisses me off to have to ask for help because I'm too weak to walk. I was healed, what the heck is wrong with me…'

She sighed. "Are you trying to say you don't think you can walk?"

I bit my lip and nodded at her annoyed tone, still avoiding her eyes.

"OK, let's get you something to eat. I'll help you get cleaned up too. A hot bath should help your body recover, as long as you drink enough water."

"A what…" I knew what I had heard, but I didn't think I believed it. If you didn't count Catherine washing the acid off of my body, I hadn't once had a hot bath, not in that world anyway. Cold water helped build mental toughness… Or something… Her words stunned me to the point I hardly even noticed her approaching me again.

She reached out towards me, her hand creeping closer and without thinking about it I flinched back and scratched at her like an angry house cat. I couldn't remember a single time she reached out to me like that… So my brain just assumed she was trying to strike at me.

She let out another sigh "Do you want to go or not?"

"N-no, I want to go." My voice quivered a bit as I began feeling smaller somehow. "Sorry, it was just a reflex."

"Your reflexes suck."

I chuckled nervously at her harsh tone which only seemed to be getting more annoyed. My heart panicked more with every inch closer she got until I closed my eyes and held my breath.

When she picked me up onto her back though, that all changed. I was unable to see her face, and I could feel her smooth breathing. The scent of flowers from her hair filled my nose and her strong muscles almost seemed comforting in a way, instead of dangerous. I didn't understand it all and chalked that too up to my delirium from the fever that I decided I must have had.

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