Once upon a time…

There was a princess. Wait, no, she didn't start out a princess. She started out as a-

Wait. By saying she didn't start out as a princess I imply she becomes one. Which is totally a spoiler.

Heck.

Umm let me start over with a different story.

Cake:

3 cups flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

2 Tablespoons cocoa powder MISSING THIS

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup butter

2 cups sugar

1 cup vegetable oil

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TYPE OF OIL I HAVE

4 large eggs

WHAT DOES LARGE MEAN???

1 Tablespoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoon distilled white vinegar MISSING THIS

liquid red food coloring

NOT STRICTLY NEEDED

1 cup buttermilk

MISSING THIS

Frosting:

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16 ounces cream cheese

MISSING THIS

3/4 cup butter

5 and 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar

DON'T HAVE SPECIFICALLY

1 and 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

pinch of salt

Confectioner's Sugar:

Just take regular sugar and whack it with a hammer until it's powdered. Close enough.

Cream Cheese:

Equal parts milk and lemon juice. Lime juice will probably work. Pinch of salt.

Buttermilk:

1½ teaspoon of lemon juice per ½ cup of milk. Again, here's hoping lime juice works.

White Vinegar:

I mean, this is basically vodka that's gone sour. Just leave the vodka out and hope something happens? Not sure how long it'll take to turn tho. Takes too long. White wine maybe? I'll keep it next to the heater.

Cocoa Powder:

I might have to use chocolate syrup for this. Adjust the liquid by removing… an egg? There really isn't all that much liquid in this. On the other hand, it isn't all that much cocoa powder either. Oh! Reduce sugar by about half a cup to adjust for the sweetness.

Don't remove an egg. Remove about ¼ cup buttermilk. Should work.

Ok it's not going to work. Try using the powdered cocoa mix. Sift out the larger sugar granules.

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