I looked down and saw two barbs poking a few inches through my chest to malform my chain shirt. I tried to scream but my lungs were already filling with blood.

Turning in horror, I saw the shooters from the second spotlight I had left for dead.

My brain feels fuzzy. Something about jobs and finishing?

I stumbled over, barely managing to keep my shield in place as more projectiles aimed to end my delving career.

Just my career?

My clumsy swing managed to clip the first shooter I targeted. My stomp from what felt like an hour ago had slowed their mobility far more than I would have guessed and their cannons still took far longer to reload than normal.

Fighting as defensively as I could against the second shooter, I smashed the first with two overhead chops, waiting for the rush of essence before moving on.

Always finish the job.

The second was almost as mobile as me, at least when I was quickly losing blood and potentially consciousness.

The cat and mouse game of it trying to keep its distance and firing at me lasted far longer than I wanted.

Knowing it was my last hope, I used a shield charge and prayed a barb wouldn't hit my legs.

I belly flopped onto the pesky pale projectile pelter with my shield and reached around with a dagger in each hand, slashing desperately as I lost blood.

With the rush of essence, I finally relaxed, knowing I won.

I felt something tickle my mind.

Oh yeah, dying here. Take a potion!

I materialized one of the eight healing potions I had left and downed it as best I could despite the blood seeping from my mouth.

I felt it start to take effect but knew I needed to get the hardened stingers out of my chest. Using the backs of my daggers, I pushed as best as I could back through my body and reached behind, pulling them out.

Maybe I should have pulled them forward?

I screamed with every inch they moved and had to take two more healing potions before I was done and resting in the safe room.

"Okay, I see we can up the challenge but I still have to account for your dumb ass." The dungeon chewed me out for the last 20 minutes as I rested.

"I know, I got cocky. Again. I've been trained for decades on low consequences for getting a big head. Nailing a presentation doesn't mean I get killed the second I congratulate myself on walking out of the room."

"That's not a valid excuse. Sure, it's an explanation. But that's the third time today. I've known you for about half a day and I already see the problem. What did you mumble? Finish the job? Can you really do that? That was three of the seven healing potions I gave you!"

"Eight. Well, I had one left over from the delve this morning. Nevertheless, you're right." I shook my head in exasperation.

"You can still do this but I'm running out of energy to change up my further rooms. I can't even change the room you were in more than slightly tweaking the timing so the spotlights expand more slowly. I think this challenge is too great for you."

"No, it's perfect if I play it correctly. The spotlights don't expand if I haven't entered an adjacent one. I just need to be smarter."

"Well, there's something we both agree on." The dungeon chuckled darkly.

Great, dealing with another smartass.

"You do recall I can essentially hear your thoughts when you're in here, right?"

Well, sodus.

***

Another few grueling hours and three rooms cleared, I was down to my final healing potion.

"Well, I have bad news, bad news, and bad news. Which do you want first?" the dungeon said as I was resting up for the final charge.

"Very funny. What?"

"The first is that Tiesa discovered you were not in your bedroll and deduced you were in here. She is livid with both you and Jasna."

"Yeah, we expected that once it was her time for watch. So bad but not surprising. What else ya' got?"

"Tiesa just started trying to break through the barrier. I can hold her off but it is draining my reserves. That means both you need to hurry as she will probably be through in 20 minutes and I can't make any changes to the final room. It will be extremely challenging. I can't tell you more because of some restriction inherent to my nature."

"Great," I said, getting up and doing my final checks. "I guess I'll have to move quickly to even get to the boss. Does that mean you are ready for your plan when I get to the core?"

"Yes. I am going to provide you a genuine sliver of myself you can use as proof I was shattered. Get your token ready. We have to move fast."

Ten minutes later, I was at the ornate final doors. It had two knockers made from ringed plants and weighed down by metal human skulls.

"Nice touch, very ominous." I felt a light chuckle touch my mind.

I reached up and the resounding boom echoed as the doors slowly creaked open, revealing a cavernous room filled with plants.

Worried that I was going to have to fight a beast wave on my own, I stepped forward and readied myself.

A giant mantis, almost fifteen feet (5m) tall, rose from a wooden throne. It was hard to differentiate from all the other foliage until it moved. It's coloring matched the throne and it moved with a weirdly graceful stride that seemed like a long capture video of vines wrapping around a pole sped up a thousand times.

Hopefully there's just the one.

As if it was triggered by my thoughts, I saw movement from the corner of my eye and brought up my shield to protect my right side. A massive round, furry ball exploded against my shield, covering me in a sticky juice. Worried it was acid, I prepared to take out my jug to douse myself with water.

It smells like coconut. Really?

Another faint chuckle tickled the back of my mind. In my distraction, the giant beast made up half the 300 feet (100m) distance between us and was picking up speed.

Keeping an eye out for more coconuts, I holstered my morningstar and took out four throwing daggers, beginning a sideways strafing run, trying to bleed off its momentum.

Praying more than even hoping it was clumsy, I was disappointed but began my 'festival of yarps' as I started launching daggers at its legs, aiming to hinder its movement even slightly.

To my surprise, each of the daggers struck true and lodged deeply into the colossal beast's flesh.

Sadly, it seemed to do no real damage with sap slowly leaking out of the wounds. As I continued to strafe, I emptied my bandolier.

Crap, no way to sneak up on it if I make a huge noise when I get anywhere near.

It finally closed the distance and brought its massive bladed forearm down towards me. I got my shield in the way and attempted a glancing deflection to follow up with a strike of my morningstar.

The good news was that the arm blades were made of a softer material – likely wood – than the previous mantises, who had a hard chitin on their arms.

The bad news was the strike contained so much momentum, I couldn't deflect it much less maintain my footing.

Oh bother.

I landed in a heap and quickly scrambled up to deflect the death blow I knew was coming.

Except it wasn't.

I think it takes a while to get moving. How can I use that?

I dodged another large coconut and started running laterally to the boss again, managing to get close behind the giant insect.

Weird, it's literally all made of wood. Wish I had that fire arrow now.

A few of my daggers seemed to have hit something close to an artery as the sap leaking from the wounds was actually significant.

And with that, I got an idea.

Holstering my morningstar, I summoned my warhammer from my ring.

It's pegging time! Wait!

The chuckle in my mind turned to uproarious laughter as I charged and leapt up, using the knife on the back of its calf area as a handhold to smash the dagger near the back of its knee joint with the hammer.

The monster made its first real noise, emitting a horrible cry that sounded like someone had stolen a seal's ball and then punched it in the face.

A spray of sweet-smelling sap flew out from the bipedal mantis and it tried to reach behind itself. It couldn't quite get to me with the giant logs included on its forearms and I chuckled at finding what I hoped was essentially a cheat code.

I swung the hammer two more times, driving the knife into the back of its knee all the way past the hilt.

No more adventuring life for you, though not an arrow.

And then I felt the world start to tilt.

The mantis went for a wrestling leg drop. With me attached to the back of the leg.

I launched myself off and collided with its falling crotch.

Glad there was nothing there and no one to see, I quickly scrambled away as it went to snatch at me, hitting its own not-really-private area with a giant log.

The dungeon boss' reaction seemed to only be frustration, not one of pain despite knowing it probably just drove multiple of my daggers further into the back of its legs. As if to confirm, my vest let out a series of yarps as I ran to where I dropped my shield.

The giant wooden insect quickly rose and charged at me, leaving a small trail of sap behind it. A much smaller trail than I hoped for.

I realized my error too late: don't get too far away or it will build up momentum.

I was again knocked off my feet, almost losing my shield and absolutely losing every bit of breath from my body as my own arm knocked into my gut.

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

"You suck!" I yelled. "Man, my banter game needs work before I start fighting people."

I dodged another coconut fired from the walls and it plunked harmlessly against the angry ent. It charged again and I resumed my sideways run, chuckling to myself slightly as my chest made a funny noise once it got close.

Knowing I needed to start taking risks or I'd run out of time, I tried my old 'feint one direction, dodge the other and then swing' move.

It worked better than I expected and I landed a scraping blow against the leg of the wooden monstrosity.

I tried two more times and each strike landed but I was not doing any significant damage.

Accepting the need to try something different, I retreated into the foliage and looked through my ring for anything that might help.

I plunked out a crate of supplies and ripped it open, searching for something that could be my – and the dungeon's – salvation.

A coconut whizzed just past my head, grazing my shoulder.

The mantis was searching the area and seemed to have better senses than just eyesight but hadn't found me yet. I tried throwing something from the crate – a pickaxe – and the giant lumbering lumber-based monster moved over to where it landed before resuming its search.

Oh, that is an idea…

I took my target out of the crate, grabbed a pole, dodged a coconut that smashed into a tree near me, and started sneaking my way behind the boss as best as I could.

***

Rift Boss Charles Mantis

YARP YARP YARP

The mantis turned to the sound as his prey approached and wound up a monstrous swing.

Every time it came near, it made that sound.

Every time, the little squishy thing hurt the mantis and then eluded it.

The wooden insect smashed both of its forearms onto the small annoyance that was making the bothersome sound.

Done! Done?

However, it didn't feel like its job was complete. Things were just heating up.

Literally.

***

Taking my bandolier off and praying my last-ditch effort would work, I got to work as quickly as possible.

I knew I could simply continue to hide and wait for Tiesa to burst through the shielding, watching her demolish the giant creature in a heartbeat.

And then watch her do the same to the dungeon's core.

I grabbed the extendable pole from the crate and put the bandolier on the end, using it to catapult the black piece of fabric as far as I could into the direction the mantis was searching. Though it was an awkward movement, I managed to launch it 30 feet (10m) in front of the walking pile of wood.

I quickly snuck behind it as best I could, readying the second part of my plan while praying to every higher power, real or fictional.

YARP

The mantis turned sharply and charged at the noise.

That's the signal!

I launched the three torches roped together at the walking kindling's back. One torch fell out along the short flight but two struck. The fire sputtered momentarily as the torches rolled down towards the ground along its back.

Oh no.

And then one of the torches reached the seeping wounds at its knees, setting its legs alight in a giant purple whoosh of flames.

As it went to one knee, I swooped in, trying for a strike to its less injured leg and knock it all the way prone. It swatted at me, its arm blades now dully glowing with the spreading fire. The feeble strike against my shield showered me in ash.

Realizing I had likely already won but that I was also in a heavily forested area and a raging fire was starting, I began to panic.

However, the fire seemed mostly contained as any sparks sputtered to nothing on landing on the surrounding plants. Once the boss fell over, I swept in and smashed my morningstar into its head to hasten its demise, getting lightly scorched. With a final swing, I knew it was finally vanquished.

I raised my morningstar into the air in triumph. And took a coconut to the back for my trouble.

The essence from the enormous dungeon boss hit me harder than a truck trying to create an anime protagonist – wait, I'm an isekai… – and I breathed a sigh of relief.

The room continued to smoke ominously but failed to catch fire and after a few seconds of getting my breath back, I felt a push in the back of my mind to get on with it.

Grabbing my dropped shield, I looked at the ruined bandolier and charred remains of a few daggers in the burnt corpse and decided it wasn't worth it to try to recover anything. Same for the crate.

Time is of the essence.

A loud noise emanated from behind the wooden throne and I rushed to get to the core, taking the Token from my ring.

As soon as I broke the plane of the door, the dungeon started yelling. "Hurry! She's about to break through. If she hadn't been such a butthole, your reward would be even better but I don't have the energy. Remember, give her the shard and tell her it's done! Get me out of your ring as soon as possible, I'm not sure what it will do to me! Ooh, this is gonna hurt!"

As I slammed the Token onto the core, a flash brighter than even the camera at school picture day temporarily blinded me. It was accompanied by the sound of glass shattering and a feeling of a quickly silenced scream in my soul.

Suddenly, I was outside with Tiesa mid throwing a punch that was going for my head.

In one of my hands was a large egg, in the other a jagged length of crystal.

I ducked and dove to the right, managing to only lightly impale myself on the two foot (60cm) long lance of green glass. The egg was perfectly fine as it pulsed merrily with my spirit.

"IT'S DONE!" I yelled but Tiesa's punch didn't even come within a foot of my head. She had far more control than I did in stopping her blows.

"You!" she bellowed and we started to hear noises from the camp. She went to grab me by the scruff but saw my stance, ready to fight. She took in a breath. "At least you are developing the backbone you so desired. Now, we need to talk. Privately." With a head nod towards the carriage she stalked off, anger radiating from her posture and her slightly stamping walk.

"Guards! Watch is on you! We will make sure you are paid properly for the overtime!" Tiesa bellowed as she walked to the carriage.

Jasna suddenly appeared next to me. "I already got chewed out. I hope you didn't really break it." I shook my head with a small smile. "Good. Quick, give it to me and I will take care of the core so she doesn't find it."

I gave her what I thought was an innocent and confused look.

"We both know that fragment is real but not from you destroying the core. Now give it here. A storage item in a storage item deteriorates both extremely quickly and then both are destroyed. At best, you end up with just the items breaking. But it often has far worse effects." I shuddered and she nodded. "I can't imagine a giant compressed storage space like a dungeon is going to be any better and likely far worse. It's probably in agony too. Chop chop."

A basketball-sized orb that was far more green than when I'd seen it earlier appeared and Jasna looked at it for a second. At hearing noise from the camp, she grabbed it and scampered away.

Be safe dungeon. We still need to name you. Okay, time to hide the truth but lie as little as possible so Tiesa only wants to murder me if she finds out I didn't shatter the core.

Upon entering the carriage, Tiesa stuck her head out and said to the approaching Inara, "We discovered the fragment you brought back earlier was fake. A clever ruse by the dungeon. It's now destroyed. Go back to bed and let's leave this from the official reports." She shut the door in the woman's face as the young adventurer started to form a question.

Knowing how pissed Tiesa was, I decided not to start.

Isekonsultant Tip to Thriving #7: Don't start a conversation where someone is going to yell. Let them look like they are the bad guy from the start. Why be the target when you can be 'the reasonable one'?

After what felt like five minutes of huffing and puffing, Tiesa glared at me, clearly trying to keep calm. "I'm not mad, I'm just upset. No, that's not how it goes. I'm just disappointed? No, jebbie that, I'm furious." She went to throw a punch at the side of the carriage but thought better of it.

Yes, let's please not destroy the property of our only powerful ally.

"What, you really aren't going to say anything? You're just going to sit here like you're innocent?"

"I did what I thought was best. However, you were right. It was a test beyond my abilities and I had to get creative to survive. Here is a shard of the core to prove its destruction. It's authentic, you can test it."

"I'll be doing that. And don't think I'm going to let you off the hook simply because you said I was right. I'm not some preening idiot like my husband!"

At my eyebrow raise, she looked contrite. "That wasn't fair to him. He can be so forgiving. I envy that in him. But I am just so pissed at you right now. At Jasna too. You want to get stronger. But if you died in there, the whole Kingdom suffers. Are you more important than our Kingdom?"

"I don't think that's a fair question. I need to be able to defend myself. Is my ability to continue to be an asset to the Kingdom for potentially years more important than helping clear a few rifts once? I too can make a strawman argument."

She appeared genuinely hurt so I held up a hand in apology. "Sorry, that was petulant but do you see my point? I need to be good enough to survive. I can't have you babysit me and be strong enough for what I think is to come. Can we table this for a bit and talk when both of our feelings have calmed down?"

"Are you telling me to calm down?" she asked flatly.

"Nope, not going out by suicide. I'm saying I need to calm down and my adrenaline is still high. As is my temper. I kind of assumed you were feeling the same."

She let out a giggle. Then another. Then started full-on belly laughing. That broke the tension and I started laughing too.

"Wait, are you not actually mad?" I asked.

"Nope. I'm livid. I'm furious. I want to punt you into the sun. But you're right. And I just need a good release. I've been tense since you were almost killed in that rift. If they go for someone next, Gabor is a pretty reasonable target."

"Oh sodus, didn't think about that," I said stroking my chin that was just starting to grow in some wispy stubble.

"Yeah, you have a history of not thinking about consequences huh?" At my non-reaction, she winced. "Yeah, that wasn't a great joke… wait, what the jebbie is that!" she said, pointing at my hand.

"The core shard," I said, confused.

"Not that you idiot, the egg! Is that really what I think it is?" She started holding her hands out and making a face like the egg was the exact matching box shape of what you'd wanted all year and was your last present on Christmas morning that had been hidden behind everything else.

"That depends. What do you think it is?"

"A bond egg!" she bellowed.

"Oh, then no idea. I got it when I slapped the token on the core before that." I indicated the shard with my head. "I popped out with the shard and this." I tried a smile but she just rolled her eyes.

"Look, you should probably get it appraised but since you are mister risk taker now—"

"What are we taking risks with?" Jasna asked as she opened the door completely silently and without my notice.

"I think he got a bond egg. See." She handed over the slightly glowing beige egg.

"Never seen one in person but looks like the real deal. Katarina is going to be insufferable, isn't she? That Token paid off in ways we could have never guessed. And yes, the pictures from the Planet Web match perfectly. I vote to hatch it but I am already in trouble here I sense." Jasna handed the egg back to me.

"Uh, should I maybe put it in my storage ring and we can ask an appraiser?"

Tiesa shook her head fiercely. "Nope, never put something alive or potentially alive in a storage ring. Especially yours since it freaking accelerates decomposition. Don't make me pretend I didn't hear about the state of the wolf you brought out to save your own butt today. Glad it exploded into your mouth, at least as far as Inara tells the story. Maybe it will teach you some kind of lesson."

"That's accurate. And it was only about the 15th most disgusting thing in or on me today," I said wearily.

"In? Were you getting up to something we weren't aware of?" Tiesa nudged Jasna who seemed confused. I saw her tongue poking out momentarily and Jasna just looked at me and nodded.

"In my mouth. No… not like that… you're worse than Gabor," I said tiredly.

"That grave insult to my person might be the thing I'll be most upset with you about in a few days. So, your choice: tell us about your delve or start feeding your bond egg your essence. And be ecstatic that idiot Koval made this a required mission as it means no taxes on that." Tiesa put her hands on her hips.

"Not sleep?" I asked hopefully.

"You lost that privilege. I know we are joking here but I really am angry and honestly hurt that you'd do this," Tiesa said tiredly.

"Oh, it was me. I convinced him. Did I not tell you that?" Jasna looked at her friend confused.

"Terry, leave us for three minutes while I yell at this imbecile." The door opened without me even seeing either woman move and I quickly clambered out, taking the shard and egg with me.

Five minutes later, two extremely red-faced women emerged from the carriage.

"Okay, we screamed it out. Would have been nice to beat it out on each other but we must make do with what we have available and we'd have to go pretty far away and leave you defenseless or risk destroying the camp and carriage. Now tell us about your delve while we walk you through how to bond your essence with your egg." Tiesa pulled me in by the front of my shirt and I jabbed myself again with the shard.

"Oh, yeah, let me take that. We have a lead-lined box around here somewhere, don't we? Can't put it in storage since it was part of a dungeon." Tiesa grabbed the shard and started searching around the compartment. Jasna looked amused and finally brought a thin and long box out of storage.

[Incoming Message from Jasna Zupan: I used the carriage's lead box. Whoops.]

"Great thanks, now shut up and tell us what happened. And no, I don't care if that's a contradiction."

***

We finished the conversation as the sun started to rise outside. I was slowly cycling the frankly frightening amount of ambient essence in my spirit into and out of the egg as we talked.

Jasna wanted to go over my AAI recordings for further study and to develop a training routine.

"Uh, the dungeon tricked me into shutting it off?" I tried but both women just rolled their eyes at me.

"We need to give you a literal checklist for the start of a delve, I swear. A little note on your lunch bag," Tiesa grumbled.

"He has only been thinking about delving for about ten days. It's understandable he is still a moron about it in many ways." Jasna nodded towards me like that was a huge help.

"Thank you? I don't know how to feel about that," I said.

"Absolved but dumb," Tiesa replied with a cheeky smile.

"Agreed, that is a good way of putting it." Jasna nodded like there wasn't any humor in what Tiesa said.

As I went to defend myself, I sensed something from the egg. The beast inside started to move slightly and I felt it trying to figure how to get out through a burgeoning connection.

"What, no defense?" Tiesa teased but then saw me focusing on the egg. "Is it about to hatch? It's supposed to take days! Or at least hours. Then again, you do have a ridiculous amount of ambient essence in your spirit right now relative to your Tier."

Suddenly, a tiny little fist broke through the shell in a clear punch; it looked almost like a monkey's hand. Mental pictures of a little primate in a funny vest and fez with an organ grinder sitting on my shoulder ran through my head.

More and more fist strikes made their way through both sides of the shell. The egg split almost perfectly in half like whatever was inside planned to make the most ostentatious entrance possible.

A tiny creature emerged with massive eyes, protruding ears that stuck up and out like a bat, a snout with long whiskers, a long tail, and skin flaps between its front and back paws.

"Um, is that a flying squirrel?" I asked.

After a quick pause and a tongue sticking out, Tiesa said, "Nope, that there is a sugar glider. And he wants to make some biscuits." The little animal was already kneading phantom dough in the air. She let out a soft squeal of appreciation at the cute little bugger.

Jasna reached up and snatched the little beast from the platform that was my hands and immediately put it on top of her head. It turned around three times, making a small nest and immediately laid down, falling asleep and emitting little purr-like snores.

At my eyebrow raise, she simply shrugged. "Now, look up the best diet as it will want to eat soon, I'm sure."

"He," I corrected based on what I felt through my connection to the tiny, giant-eyed mess of fluff perched atop Jasna's head.

"Oh crap, I have to think of a name, don't I?" I said, terror gripping my heart.

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