An enormous transparent projection of a map overlaid my vision as I leaned over the edge of the ship. The map was flat, of course, but needed to be at an angle to match my point of view which made it hard to line anything up - but after some fiddling I was pretty sure I had it right. I identified a couple obvious landmarks, and headed back into the cabin to take my fishbowl helmet off. "Got it, probably."

Errod nodded, still idly scratching at the mostly-healed sores on his arm. "We're down to just the rations again, Grunkle ate all the jerky."

"Already? Motherfucker. Okay. Well, we'll do this one last mission and then our resupply trip to Good Charl, and then I'm thinking we find some place nice and relaxing to hang out. You ready to maybe fight some Knights of the Storm?"

He shook his head, sighing. "We're not going to fight them if we can avoid it, nor should there be anyone there. Lute said they all teleported away once they determined Storm's Keep wasn't safe - there's probably some stationed around to keep people from scavenging, but the village is miles down the mountain. I doubt we'll run into anything the two of us can't handle."

I felt a wave of crankiness at the mention of Lute, and the reminder that the gang had been broken up. It was for the best, Katrin was going to need to be in a mana exclusion chamber for a while - when she'd tried to help hook the mana battery into the ship after we got to a safe landing spot she had only gotten halfway down the hall before doubling over in pain. I'd eventually figured out something on my own that was good enough to get us to Erathik, and then as part of our demands we'd had an artificer make a coupler. We hadn't let them see the battery or the room, but divination had allowed me to make a perfect diagram.

That meeting had felt like a hostage situation. We'd needed to make the local Sergeant for the town we'd stopped at take off all his armor and show us his Dumine so we could be certain Tindelus hadn't been there, and everyone had been on edge because it looked like we had been torturing Hugh or something - he was all slumped and pale, and barely spoke. I told myself he just needed a proper healer, and probably some therapy, but I was worried about him. He'd woken up and apologized but in a very confused way, and then just sort of stared off into space for the rest of the trip back to Erathik's territory.

He hadn't eaten, had barely taken any water, and while he'd occasionally tried to smile it was clear he wasn't himself. Actually, that particular turn of phrase probably was one I should be careful of given the circumstances. It had been disturbing seeing the normally boisterous and unflappable Hugh so... hollow... but I still couldn't think of a better way it could have gone. I hated to even think it, but a big part of me was glad that we'd handed him off; I could just imagine that he was doing way better now, and not have to look at him being all broken while I worried it was all my fault.

I already knew I didn't want to get pinned down by anyone again and would be headed out, and obviously Grunkle couldn't show his face, but I was surprised that Errod had come with me. He'd made us hang out long enough for Lute to come with a bag of goodies - some money, a communicator, some maps, a wagon-load of food that Grunkle had already fucking eaten except for the shitty ration bars - and then he hugged Katrin and got right back on board.

I didn't want to argue, but I was still unsure why he'd done it.

We reached our destination a few hours later, and remained high up to prevent them noticing us. I turned knobs next to the little windows around the control panel, adjusting the zoom and focus until the complex came into clearer resolution. Errod took point, since I hadn't been there before. "Okay, this building - as you probably guessed - is a guard station, but it wasn't well-staffed when I was there. The knights that captured us had been passing through, the people that seemed to be permanently stationed there weren't enough to have stopped us and while the walls are in good repair there were farm animals loose inside.

"The large building right here is where they took the wagons, it's an open carriage house at one end and a forge at the other. You can just make out the chimney for the furnace, there. This thing is, I think, a grain silo. And this area is a covered animal pen. These ones past the wall and up the hill are houses I believe. There's probably a dozen people, but only three or four of them will be combatants and if we move fast we can subdue them. If there's an actual knight... well, I'll do my best to deal with them non-lethally."

The area was... not great for landing. It was just a few limited sections of flat ground surrounded by sheer cliffs, which was probably why it had been chosen as the place to slap down a checkpoint. If an army was on foot, this place could hold them off for a long time - and while airships weren't unheard of and people could fly with mounts or magic, the vast majority of soldiers and their supplies would typically need to move around on the ground. Still, there were a few spots... "Here. I'll take us down between these houses, we might need to use the rooftops to climb down but they look like they're single story."

Errod nodded, and went below decks to get his armor on while I started our descent. Grunkle came up a moment later, yawning.

"Are we at Good Charl yet?"

"No, we're attacking an outpost of the Knights of the Storm so we can steal some of our shit back. Grab a weapon."

He waved me away. "Nah, I'll pass. I'm not really the fighting type."

"You lazy sack of shit, that body belongs to one of the most feared combatants on the continent."

Grunkle shrugged, then leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. "Well, I haven't gotten a good handle on using his abilities yet. I refused to learn for the Clockmaker, that asshole, and I won't do it for you. I mean I might, eventually, but I'm not going to be on your timeline. His inscription is... ugh. It's so specific. See, this is the problem with the Dumine thing. In the old days, mortals would either be born with an inscription - if they lived in one of the colonies - or they would go to a place of power and ask for a boon. Now that the Clockmaker bound all of them into those unholy devices, people get inscriptions that are... too rigid. The boons people used to get, they were... seeds. And they just grew organically over time, you know? You didn't have them mediated by some plate of metal in your skin. Or, in my case, deep inside my body somehow."

"That still happens," I said, "I can feel little bits of growth as I practice things or force them. It's just the big changes that you need to unlock via your Dumine."

"Nah, it's... it's not the same. Especially not for me. Anyway, see if you can snag any food while you're down there. I'm going back to bed."

"Okay! Thanks for nothing, you useless prick."

He held up his hand in what I was pretty sure was a rude gesture as he clomped down the stairs. Errod returned a moment later, and we got geared up before I dropped us on the little outpost. We came in pretty fast, stopped just barely before we would crush a house, and then put it in park and went running out to slide down the rooftops and head to where our stolen wagons had been seen. As we approached, a guard came marching at us with a stern expression and outstretched hand.

"Whoa, there! You're not allowed to just storm in here, I'm going to need you to turn around and come with me to the - hey!"

He went down almost immediately, moaning on the ground as I brushed myself off and kept walking. Holy shit did it feel good to have my arms working right, and to be fighting just some guy rather than a whole horde of magic-assisted soldiers. I could hear him scrambling to get up so he could run for reinforcements, and I just let him. They'd be coming soon one way or another, and I wasn't worried. The wagons were still there, thankfully, although some of our stuff wasn't. We already knew the magic items had been taken, but on our short list of things with sentimental value we were also missing Errod's Van Halen vest, a shawl of Katrin's that had belonged to her mom, and a little stone figure of a knight that Mila had made for Errod.

Hilariously, whoever had searched the wagons had missed the secret compartment we kept our extra money in - I'd been hoping that would be the case, but not really expecting it. "Fucking jackpot, we're rich! Well, Lute was already pretty generous actually... and we have that stipend feeding into our accounts in Erathik... but we're even more immediately rich. Fuck yeah."

As we were packing up the few things that remained in the wagons, Errod nudged me and pointed to where six guards - only three of whom looked really ready for a fight - were standing in a line blocking our way out of the carriage house. Oh good. I smiled, and headed a little closer while keeping out of polearm reach. "Howdy! Listen, we're missing a few things and we'd like them back. I don't care about the blankets and most of the clothes, I can replace that stuff, but my brother Errod here is going to describe a few other items that we need you to find.

"If, instead, you really want to fight us... well, my brother has made me promise to try and keep you all alive, and I will - but mistakes happen in combat, you know? I kicked that guy's ass without using magic, but if any of you get me with one of those fancy toothpicks I'm going to switch to something way worse." With that, I had my ghost step out of me. All but one involuntarily took a step back. "So it's up to you guys. Errod can take you all out at once on his own, so I'm going to leave him to describe what we're looking for while I poke around some - but if I hear you guys screaming in pain I'm going to come and join in the fun. Oh! Hey, what happened to the moskar?"

"They don't do well with the cold," one said - not noticing the glares that the others gave her - "so we sold them to a merchant that was leaving from the keep. Well, three of them. The other kept trying to bite or headbutt him, so he didn't -"

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"You still have him? The bad one? Where is he?"

"Uh, the stables. At the back, over there."

No fucking way. I ran off and found the stables at the back of the carriage house - there were multiple stalls, all with doors that went all the way to the ceiling, so I had to call out. "Shitheel! You cranky fucker, I know you're here!"

One of the doors shuddered and a crack ran up the center. Bingo. I got the latch open just as he hit again - probably not an accident, he was smart enough to wait and try to knock the door open into someone just to be a dick - and Shitheel burst out growling. He turned to me and hissed, mouth wide and ready to bite. I still didn't look like me, but I doubted that was a problem given the way he was always sniffing at everything. "I know, I'm sorry!"

Hiss, Shitheel said.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry I left, I'm the worst."

He snapped at me, and then made a complicated but very cranky noise.

"I agree, I'm terrible. But I'll take you somewhere nice and warm, how about that?"

Hiss, he replied.

"We just left Erathik, that would have been best, but probably we can find somewhere else for you. Not sure how you'll like the airship but I'll make it work. I'm... going to need to put the harness back on you though. Are you going to be good because you're glad I'm not dead?"

He was not. He headbutted me several times, hitting slightly harder with each attempt until he finally caught me off guard and got me to fall down. After that he seemed to be satisfied, and while he still didn't cooperate he wasn't as bad as I knew he could have been. I stole the heater out of the stable, and also grabbed a giant burlap sack full of feed. When we got back over to where the guards were, they'd seemingly split into three groups. Two guards were standing there awkwardly, two were missing, and two were collapsed unconscious on the ground next to Errod, who looked totally unconcerned.

"They're getting our things," he said, "it should only be a moment. I let a few of them try to attack, to get it out of their system. I... think they'll be okay. The others have generously volunteered to help us get the healing platform loaded onto the airship, though we'll need to pay someone to set it up. Now that we're down here, I think it would make sense to move the airship over to the wall - there's stairs that lead to the top, and if you're careful we should be able to put the edge of the ship right against it. Otherwise it will be hard to get the healing platform onboard, and probably impossible to get Shitheel on there. Hello, Shitheel."

Less than an hour later we were on our way, the humiliated soldiers bitterly watching us leave. I was very nervous about Shitheel, who wouldn't come inside - what if he freaked out and tried to jump over the edge? But as it turned out I didn't need to worry. As soon as we started flying, he cautiously stalked to the front of the ship and held his little feathered arms out before making the strangest sound. I approached slowly - once I'd made sure we were on course - and watched as he slowly closed his eyes.

"Holy shit, are you... purring? Seriously? Okay then. Moskar like flying, noted." This reminded me of something, and I wandered over to Errod. "Hey, do you think Katrin was secretly glad that she had to take bed rest?"

He grinned, already aware I was joking. "Because of Lute, or because of the airship?"

"Both I guess, but I for sure meant the airship. That first time we made her come up for fresh air and she saw how high we were? I thought she was going to faint."

"Agreed, her legs got shaky and I think if she hadn't immediately turned and hurried back downstairs she would have fallen over. It's fine, when we stop in Good Charl to supply and hook up the healing platform I'll get her room decorated and just... cover up the windows."

In a lot of ways Sentortzi would have been a better choice, but Errod wanted to talk to Mama Carnage and I was still wary of getting tangled up more with Sentortzi himself. The ship - yet to be properly named - was pretty fast, but its main advantage over other methods was just that we could take the shortest route. Well, mostly - we'd circled around the largest of the mountains, and with Shitheel on the deck we also did our best to go around storms.

The cabins were roomy but empty - we'd gotten a broom when we dropped off Hugh, and had painstakingly swept all the dirt and rotted furniture down the stairs to the cargo area before opening the back and sending it over the edge. I'd poked through in case there was any ancient loot in there, but probably a hundred others had already tried that over the years. With everything as clean as we could get it, there wasn't a lot to do while we traveled; we could take turns flying, so long as I left my fate thread locked into the control panel, but as cool as that was it didn't require a lot of attention most of the time.

And so, finally, I started digging into my lost memories again.

They were all there now, but I was still dealing with the context problem - I didn't need memories of taking a shit, or sleeping, or waiting for a bus. I could sort of search for things, the way I'd gathered memories where I was reading the Jake Ross books, but it wasn't reliable. Instead, the simplest thing was to start with a memory I already knew and look for others that happened around the same time. If I did that long enough, I'd eventually get pretty much the full picture.

I had the first memory from the tampered area, where Bill came and got me from the police station after I was grabbed for trespassing. Jumping a little forward at a time showed me that he hadn't brought me straight to the house, but to a series of stores. He had me pick out my own set of sheets, some clothes, a toothbrush and hair brush and toiletries. After that we went to a grocery store.

"Calliope," he said, "I regret to inform you that I was a case worker for too long. I'm not saying that this shtick about being triggered by getting arrested and needing comfort food is entirely bullshit, but you're definitely hamming it up. Even if you weren't, there's a limit to how much sugar I can ethically feed you. We're not trying to speed run diabetes here. I'll tell you what, we'll get the ingredients for cookies and make some later, and then when you inevitably don't eat the bananas I got and they go all brown we'll make banana bread."

I was so mad. How dare he say I was faking? I was, of course, but he couldn't have known that and so it was simply outrageous that he would call me a liar. And this thing where he was going to pretend to be all wholesome? Please. Oh, we're going to make fresh-baked cookies? And then what, you're going to knit socks for me and we'll talk about our feelings? What absolute bullshit. I knew Bill already, and he'd always seemed genuinely solid, but I still just couldn't accept that he could be like that all the time, or actually mean it.

But he did, and he was. And the cookies were fucking amazing.

I slept there that night - I told myself it was because I didn't know the neighborhood and that otherwise I would have bolted, but really it had been ages since I'd slept in a proper bed rather than a break room couch or used a shower that wasn't actually a spigot in the corner of a janitorial closet. Universal Servicing Systems had been a perfect clubhouse by runaway kid standards, but being in a real house with actual sheets and stuff... I wasn't in that much of a hurry.

I did try to run away not long after, of course. Bill started making me clean up after myself - the nerve of some people - and anyway I was getting too comfortable. When you get comfortable it just makes it worse to get taken away, and so it's best to head out on your own terms. I stole some cash, packed a few things, and made plans to head for California. No reason, really, I had just realized that there was no need for me to stay in Arizona and I felt like seeing the Pacific Ocean.

Hitchhiking seemed like a good way to get arrested or murdered or something, but I had this ridiculous idea that I could ride the rails. I avoided thinking about how stupid that plan was by focusing on how badass it would be if it worked, and I made it all the way to the correct stretch of tracks despite it being nowhere near Bill's house. None of the cars were the classic open-sided ones you saw hobos and vagabonds riding along in in fiction though, and while I was pretty sure I could get up on top of some of the others I'd need to lay totally flat until we were well out of the city.

As I stood there second guessing myself, a phone rang in my bag. I didn't have a phone. The caller ID said "YOUNG, BILL" and so I answered. "Bill?"

"Hey Calliope. I'm at the store, any requests? I was thinking of making my famous twice-baked potatoes tonight, but I was out of bacon crumbles and also someone seems to have gone through half a gallon of milk and the entire box of Fruity Pebbles between midnight and five in the morning. So. More milk, more cereal, bacon crumbles, and what else?"

I watched a train rolling slowly by. I could have run after it, could have easily grabbed on and hauled myself up to the top where I could stare up at the cloudless desert sky until I'd left everything behind. But I couldn't tell if anyone was watching, and I was realizing that I wouldn't have a way to stop for supplies, and the top of the metal train car was probably a million degrees. "Uh, one time they got these strawberry yogurt granola bars at one of the group homes, and I only got to eat half of one, and it was all smooshed and had a little blood on it."

"I assume you weren't the person that had started out holding it?" He sounded disapproving... but in a sort of fake way, like he was actually amused.

"Yeah, there were only like five in the box and one girl took two of them. It probably would have been cooler if I'd just stomped on the half I got off of her, like... I don't want it, but now you don't get to have it either, you know? But I ate it anyway, and I feel like it just looked desperate." I hadn't meant to say all that, but Bill just brought it out of me somehow.

"Yeah, stuff like that you'll always figure out the right call when it's too late. It's like thinking of the perfect comeback fifteen minutes after someone insults you. Best to just try and let it go, there's no point in letting them win again every time you think about it. The best revenge is living well, and - in this case - eating a whole box of strawberry yogurt granola bars at your leisure."

I sighed, and turned away from the train. "Thanks, Bill."

"No problem. Hey, I know you like to roam around - if you're far enough from home you don't want to walk, I can pick you up after I'm done here. I'm headed to checkout now, so just say the word."

He knew, somehow, and I knew he knew, but neither of us were going to say anything. I wasn't going to ask where the cell phone came from, he wasn't going to ask why I was down at the train tracks, and we were going to eat twice-baked potatoes for dinner. I told myself I could just run away the next day, or maybe the day after that. There was no rush. I could stash a few of the granola bars, maybe, and build up a big stash of food so that when I did finally run off to California I wouldn't need to worry about stopping for supplies.

The memories flickered as I thought about that stash - because I had, in fact, made a secret food stash - and little glimpses came back to me. Adding whatever shelf stable snacks Bill gave me to take to school, or grabbing a couple of anything he stocked in the cupboard in the kitchen. And then, when there was enough food hidden to keep me full all the way to the ocean, there were memories of reading late at night and digging into the snack hoard. It was fine, I could restock later. Slowly it shrank, though I never let it vanish entirely - but at some point, it was just for eating in my room. It was possible that change was some specific conscious moment, since I hadn't incorporated all the relevant memories yet, but I didn't think so.

I was pretty sure it happened gradually, day after day, just a little bit of comfort and security and contentment getting tucked away in a secret stash until it was so full it spilled out.

Back in the real world, cheeks suspiciously wet, I headed out onto the deck and watched as the shining metal walls of Good Charl came into view. There was a lot of bad shit that was happening, and a lot of things we needed to find out before the Grand Alignment. But for now, I wasn't going to worry about any of that. The best revenge was living well, and I was about to blow a ton of money decking out a legendary airship before using it to fly anywhere I wanted. The end of the world could wait a few months, I'd earned some time off.

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