Furuno

I've been leaning over the balcony for the past hour, fighting the strong urge to topple over and end it all.

The voice is now more persistent - I hadn't been imagining it.

I'll have to tell Karim at some point. I feel like it's eating away at everything that makes me me.

I've lost my charming sense of humour, I'm hardly amused at anything and find it hard to focus.

I could barely pay attention during the meeting. The voice was there, a mere whisper, yet enough to gain my undivided attention.

The image of the boys with gouged out eyes flashes again.

That boy in the field... what did Angela say about him? She had mentionned that her brother had died.

"How are you feeling?" Someone asks from behind me.

The voice is familiar, but my arms start moving before I realize it.

The next thing I know, Safari is dangling over the balcony, gripping the sleeve of my shirt to prevent herself from falling.

I blink several times.

What had come over me?

People pool on the ground below, looking up at the scene and pointing.

Even while hanging in the air, she still glares at me - like it's some prank I'm playing, not life and death.

Her hands begin to slip, lower and lower. I want to pull her up, but I can't bring myself to do it. It's as if my own body no longer obeys me. She screams, clawing at my arm.

Then, she slips completely.

I watch her fall, unable to move. I just stand there, silent and unable to breathe.

All of a sudden, Safari starts descending very slowly. Even the people gathered below seem to be in slow motion as well.

They gather around with outstretched hands, hoping to catch the falling girl.

"Take this". A slap lands across my face.

I stagger back, clutching my stinging cheek instinctively.

Morrow stands there, looking angry and furious.

"You better leave him alone!" She screams again - not at me, I realize.

She no longer looks like the fragile girl I had met earlier at the cafeteria. She looks every bit the tyrant, despite her size.

She peers down at the crowd which has caught Safari now.

With a snap of her fingers, time returns back to normal - everything moves at its usual pace.

Angry shouts come from below, most of them directed at me.

Safari looks dazed and shocked. Gone is the calm and composed Safari I had come to know.

Then Angela rushes in, panting from running up the stairway.

"I hate stairs!" She chokes out between breaths.

Morrow glances at her, her expression softening slightly.

"What did I miss?"

Morrow's gaze darts to me and back to Angela.

"He pushed Safari down". She says with great effort, obviously not wanting to report me.

Angela pales.

"It's happening again". She mutters under her breath.

"What is?" Morrow asks, rushing to her side.

I look up at the darkening sky. Soft hues of pink and orange overshadow the usual blue.

It's simply... divine. But, I can't enjoy it.

"What I said about my brother". Angela responds, her wide eyes fixed on me.

I remain by the balcony, clutching the railing loosely and releasing it rhythmically.

"What about your brother?" Morrow asks, her voice concerned yet anxious.

Anxious for me? We barely know each other.

The same way she got into trouble for Karim when she didn't even know him.

She must be a kind soul.

"He... He died two years ago. I was still in high school at the time, going through my finals. We used to talk every once in a while, until... we didn't. He stopped calling home. My parents started receiving reports of his misdeeds. He almost killed his roommate - he tried to suffocate him in his sleep. I knew something was wrong. He had always been a gentle guy, studied well... and never got into trouble". Her voice fades as she begins to sob. Tears stream down the sides of her face. She tries to wipe them away, but the dam breaks free, spilling down her cheeks without constraint.

I watch them, listening yet detached. I can't bring myself to feel what I know I should feel. "Everytime I called him," she continues, red-faced and struggling to keep the sob out of her voice. "He'd say he's fine. I never believed him. One of the times I called, he sounded pretty shaken up. I probed until he admitted seeing a boy without eyes walking towards him. He told me he was... going to die and that... he loved me". She breaks off again.

Morrow rubs her back soothingly, gently urging her to continue.

The story feels deja vu - like I've lived it or heard it before.

Blinking, I return my attention to the girls across me.

"I told my parents. They took it seriously, contacting the school and asking that he be sent home. But unfortunately, exams were in session and the school said it was against their policies. Two weeks later, we received a phone call saying my brother had taken his own life".

Morrow is now crying as well, her eyes glistering with tears.

I know I should offer some comfort - any form of comfort, but my mouth is clipped shut, my hands fixed firmly at my sides.

"I refused to believe it. It wasn't something he would do - he wasn't the suicidal type everyone concluded he was. My parents blamed themselves for not being there for him and eventually split up."

"I wanted to find out more about his death, that's why I wanted to come here. My parents wouldn't hear of it. They only conceded when I threatened to kill myself. My cloaking ability helped a lot in my investigation, but I couldn't find anything. All his friends had no idea about what he was going through. They only said he withdrew, preferring solitude. He left nothing behind, no notes, no clues, nothing. I finally decided to give up... until now".

They turn to me, resting the full measure of their gazes on me.

"Is the same thing happening to you?" Morrow asks softly.

I move my mouth, but no words form.

"You can't talk about it?" She asks, digging into her strap bag for something.

She emerges with a pen and a notebook.

"Can you write it down?"

She hands me the items cautiously.

I don't take them - I can't take them.

"What's wrong?" She grips my hands, gasping at how cold they are. Her touch feels scalding.

"Get away from him, Morrow!" Safari yells, coming up the stairs.

Morrow releases my hand, but doesn't step away.

Angela watches, face drawn, mouth trembling.

"Stop fighting me. The more you fight, the sooner you die". The voice says.

"Then, so be it". I scream back in my head, bracing myself over the railing in preparation to jump.

"What are you doing?" Angela yells, grasping my intention immediately.

Her voice is blurred, sounding like it's coming from miles away.

Karim isn't here - thank heavens.

Then, I realize something - it has me exactly where it wants me, helpless and alone. It wants me to either surrender or take my own life.

Which means... if I'm still alive, it's bound to me. The moment I die, it will just choose another host and the cycle would continue.

That's exactly why I won't give in. The curse should end at me - I have to remain in control and alive.

I slide down to the ground.

Gasps and sighs of relief come from all three of them.

Angela runs forward, nearly toppling me to the floor with her bear hug.

The others just watch with relieved expressions.

"Are you okay?" She asks, clutching me tighter.

My hands remain at my sides, but I force myself to nod.

The voice in my head slowly begins to fade. I open my mouth just to be sure.

"You can let go now". I whisper softly.

She doesn't seem to hear me.

More people are gathering, watching the scene unfold with curious eyes.

"Angela? He needs some space. You shouldn't get too close to him". Safari says.

Angela finally heeds, untangling her arms and stepping backward.

"You can talk now?" Morrow asks, shoving her writing materials back into her strap bag.

I nod briskly.

Safari turns to the growing crowd.

"You can go back now. Drama's over!" She announces, ushering everyone down the stairs.

They expect me to tell them everything, but I know I can't. The words won't form.

"What exactly is going on with you, Furuno?" Safari asks, hands on hips.

If I answer wrongly, she might just shove me over the railing.

"I don't know".

She shakes her head.

"That's not it. If you won't let us help you, no one will. Have you told your friend?"

I shrug.

She runs a nervous hand through her locks.

"So you're determined to die alone?"

I survey her carefully.

"If that's what it takes".

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