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Nightmares fill my dreams. Explosions, death, and cries for help haunt me as I toss and turn, trying to escape from the horrors filling my sleep. Over and over again, I watch as death claims another life, and another, and another.

The worst part is that I kept dreaming about the demons I killed. I've just taken a life for the first time in my life, and no matter the fact that it had been them or me, my conscience won't let me rest. I watch again and again as one of the small, muscled red creatures gets sucked out of their airlock and floats through space. When it had actually happened, it had been completely quiet, but my mind adds sounds now, as the creature screams its last. It sees me looking at it, and somehow swims through the nothingness of space towards me, its dead eyes locked on where I float. My body is locked, unable to move or try to get away. Cold, lifeless hands grip me and start shaking me violently, trying to take from me the life I'd stolen from it. Lifeless eyes look into mine, and try to suck away my soul.

"Wake up!" The creature cries at me, the voice oddly familiar and higher-pitched than I would've expected from a creature like this.

"He won't wake up," said the voice.

Only I am awake. . . Aren't I? ….

I open my eyes to see everyone standing over me; worry creasing their brows, and fear filling three sets of eyes. Loveth has me by the shoulders and is still shaking me.

"I'm awake," I grumble, my head throbbing.

"We've been trying to wake you for a bit," Mom looks at me worriedly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I try to reassure her, but I have to stay quiet, as my head is throbbing too much to speak too loudly, "I was just having nightmares, and my head hurts."

"Nightmares?" Mom's worry seems to increase markedly. "About last—" she cuts herself off, looking around at everybody else, and I realize what she'd been about to ask. She's worried I'm having nightmares about making love to her last night.

"No, just monsters, and stuff," I mumble, wanting to roll over, but not daring to go back to sleep, no matter how tired I feel. The monster I dreamt about was me, and I don't want to face that again.

"Oh, okay," mom says, sounding somewhat relieved.

"I got a call from the hospital," Nancy says, talking for the first time. "I have to go back," she replaces my sister on the bed, and feels my head and cheeks. "You don't feel like you have a fever, but I don't trust you're well enough to drive, especially not in this weather."

I turn and look out the window, but all I can see is white. It takes me a moment to realize that that is ALL there is to see.

"I can drive," I tell her, knowing that if her job has called her in, the hospital must need her. I try to sit up and throw off my covers, but she places her hand on my chest and shoves me back down. I'm so weak that I can't even fight her, and oh, how my head throbs.

"You're staying in bed," Mom says. "I can drive them up, and come back down. Your sister can stay and take care of you until I get back."

I nod, knowing that I don't have the strength to argue. They all leave me to get some more rest, but sleep is the last thing I want right now.

Tina comes in to kiss me and tell me she is going with her mom. Nancy and Mom come in at the same time to say goodbye, and I can tell that Mom wants to talk to me, probably about last night, but doesn't dare say anything with Nancy there, so she kisses my brow and tells me to get better.

I barely hear them leave through the falling snow before Loveth walks in with what I think is hot cocoa. It is, but it's also spiked with coffee.

"You probably don't want to go to sleep right now. I know how I get after I've had bad dreams, and I figure this will help keep you warm too," she tells me, when I look at her questioningly after my first sip.

"Thanks," I tell her, feeling truly grateful.

"Hey, I know you're into some geeky stuff, so this might interest you." I look to her, smiling. Anything geek-related right now would be a nice distraction. "Apparently, some satellite fell out of orbit and blew up in the sky last night. The government hasn't said which one yet. Isn't that cool?" I know she is just trying to cheer me up, but I also know that there would have been no satellite. It had been full of little alien creatures that I had killed. Lives snuffed out by my hand. Or mind, I guess. For the first time, I curse my ability.

I groan and roll over, setting my drink on the nightstand. I feel the bed shift as Loveth lies down next to me and puts her arm around me.

"I know you're not feeling good, but we haven't talked about what happened the other night in the hotel. In fact, we haven't talked much at all since then. Are you okay?" I can hear the concern in her voice, and despite my miserable mood, I hate to hear her down.

Rolling back over, I look her in the eyes and force a smile. "Sorry, I guess it's kind of been a bit hectic around here lately." I give her a quick peck on the lips to let her know I have no issues with what happened on Christmas Eve between us. As our lips touch, I'm able to sense most of my switches and know that Mom is driving slowly through the snow. "I will always look back on that night fondly." It's not until the words are out of my mouth that I realize how final they sound.

"Always. . . So. . . so you don't want to do it again? Do. . . Do you regret it?" Her brow wrinkles, and I can hear the fear in her voice.

"I don't regret it in the least," I promise. "I'm just not up to it right now." Her lips spread into an infectious smile.

I roll back over, and when she tucks her hand under me, I can sense all of my switches again, and am thankful that this part of my ability isn't hurting me. Despite my desire not to go back to sleep and the caffeine in the coffee/cocoa, I'm soon snoring away in a dreamless sleep.

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