Tuya of the Hollows

Chapter 47: Half Human


Tsonggo! Tuya projected, too far away to get between Dancing and the half-man, half-beast thing.

The monster crashed through the forest on all fours, smashing through bushes and saplings, trampling over leaf and branch, leading with its tusks—giant murderous things that made Tuya's spear look like a twig in the hands of a little girl.

Dancing didn't need the warning with all the noise this beast made in their wanton charge. They dashed behind a tree, the monster in pursuit.

Tuya swung from a vine, howling through the forest, legs-first, slamming her feet into the beast's flank. The monster didn't topple; it looked more surprised than dazed by the blow. Tuya set her feet, drew her spear, and went into empagong stance.

Up in the trees, she commanded Tsonggo.

Her friend leapt, transforming into their animal form in midair, then scrambled up the branches of a tree the color of bruised flesh. They picked the shelled fruit from the tree and threw them down at the beast while making their shrieking battle sound.

The scariest aspect of the beast was its strangeness, as if it were trapped between human and animal shape. It gave off a distinct sentience; full of thoughts like a human, but all that cognizance was buried beneath raw emotionality. Tuya waited, not letting the fear reach her as the beast let out an intimidating bovine snort. She'd killed mightier foes. Even if this creature was stronger than her, Tuya was smarter. She surveyed her surroundings as shelled fruit bombarded the beast.

The beast charged, snorting as it lowered its head, leading with those deadly tusks. Tuya shifted into water form, allowing for fluid movement though the forest's tight confines limited the maneuvers she could make. She led the beast into her reach, then shuffled aside, before those tusks could gore her. The monster crashed into a tree, Tuya hoping it would get stuck.

But since when was luck ever on Tuya's side?

The collision devastated the tree. The green-barked tree made a crazy creaking sound that splintered, whooshed as it timbered, then thudded like thunder when it crashed into the neighboring tree.

With more than a little fear, Tuya took advantage of the small opening, sending the spear toward the beast's exposed side, trying to strike below the ribcage to find vulnerable flesh. The spear thudded, as if attacking a rock. Penetrate the monster's hide, it did not.

Thirteen Divines! Tuya cursed. Like a chimaera, this creature had empowered flesh, resistant to any weapon Tuya could craft. If that thrust didn't pierce flesh, nothing she could do would.

I'm coming, Batu projected, soaring through the sky toward her. With the dense canopy, he wouldn't be able to help unless she climbed to the treetops and flew away with him.

For such a rotund creature, the thing was quick. Tuya spun, narrowly avoiding a fist strike that may've treated her skull like a closed fist would a berry. Above, Dancing threw shelled fruit that was at most an annoyance the way a bug buzzing in your ear was. Before Tuya could even set her feet into water form, the beast charged.

She flashed her eyes, radiance exploding between her and the beast. It crashed with a cry, the collision with the earth shaking the ground, staggering Tuya's footing. The monster's form flickered, revealing flashes of a man, or rather a not-man, as it shielded it's face from the light. Her survival instinct thought of striking while it was down, seeking some vulnerable point. She could aim for the eyes, but if she did that and the creature kept moving, she'd be exposed to those tusks. And if this feral thing was somehow human, did she want to be the one that took away its sight? It bore a resemblance to the girthy four-leg she'd slain with her bow. Was not this creature's aggression justified if she'd taken the life of its friend? Tuya was a killer, but she would not take life callously like a tamer.

She slung the spear around her shoulder, then scurried up the nearest tree, rising through the branches as fast as she could. She leapt to a thicker, older tree that might survive the monster's tusks a breath before the beast destroyed the trunk of the tree she'd been ascending. The rage it gave off was a fit worthy of a tamer losing a claiming. But instead of thinking of this creature as a tamer, Tuya thought of the anger she would feel if the Moasi Clan would hurt Dancing or Brave. Would she be any less feral as she hunted down and killed the moasi? She needed to know more about this bizarre half human.

Tuya was about five bodylengths above the ground, perched in an ancient black and white tree with purple flower vines growing from it like it were trying to cover its nethers as Dancing often did. Fortunately, this one proved too enduring for the initial blow. But the wood still splintered as the beast smashed into it.

I'm coming, Batu repeated. Keep getting higher, sister!

Dancing shrieked at her from several trees over, signing, "We need to run."

The beast slammed into Tuya's tree again, shaking it like an angry man trying to overpower a mighty woman. Tuya stood her ground, signing back, "What is this thing? Why does it have people thoughts?"

Dancing made a sign Tuya didn't know but she could best interpret it to mean "lost Atmana." Of note to Tuya's farseeing eyes, tears coalesced around the most cheerful of souls, sorrow pulsed from Dancing Tsonggo in far greater volume than their fear.

"I don't understand," Tuya signed, the beast crashing into her tree again, sending leaves falling around her. "Is this creature human?"

"Yes and no," Dancing signed. "They are an Atmana that lost itself. Neither person nor animal anymore. They cannot find themselves. Very strong. Very dangerous."

Unable to be themselves. Like a little girl waiting to die in a hollow, Tuya thought, remembering when she was least herself. A girl dreaming of cliffs and evil waters, refusing to eat and drink, waiting to die. Back then, she'd needed someone to help her be herself again. It had been Gurg that reignited her will to be herself. But it was Yaha that kept those sparks alive through the following seasons. Tuya remembered the flashes of humanity she saw when she shined lightseer light upon the creature. Could she do the same for it that others had done for her?

She hooted to get Dancing's attention, making the noise of the howler's Running Bear named her for. "Can we help them?" Howler signed as the beast tried to scale the thick branches at the bottom of her tree.

Tsonggo shook her head. "Only get far away."

The wilders, then khorota only, had stayed far away from Tuya while she wasted away not herself. Tuya remembered how much that had hurt her, made her want to die. She never wanted another person to feel that way. She hooted again, turning the fleeing Tsonggo back to her. "Why do they lose themselves?"

Tears fell from the orange strong-tail's eyes. Raw sorrow broke through the vivacious cheer, Tuya sensing the not-girl's suppressed grief. "Because they think they have no other option." They wiped at their eyes. "We must run, Howler."

The lost Atmana stopped trying to climb the branches, having broken even the heavy limbs at the bottom with its massive weight. It backed away from the tree as far as it could, no doubt planning to build as much momentum as it could before ramming the tree again. Tuya didn't doubt this charge would splinter the wood, send the tree crashing down, and fling her like an unwanted bug. She could dash along her branch, leap to the next tree, rise through the treetops, and escape on Batu. Or she could try to make this creature's pain smaller, try to help it remember itself.

Tuya thought of Renisha, a Mahagan sailor trapped in the Spire for seasons. Her mind had been broken by Gurgaldai, twisted so far from where it began that she had lost herself. Tuya had helped her remember who she was, allowing her to escape a fate worse than death. Could she do the same for this Atmana? Could she make them remember who they were? Could the half-beast, half-human be human again?

She'd ask Dancing Tsonggo, but they were already so far through the trees that it would be too dangerous to try and summon them back. But the sadness that trailed behind Dancing told Tuya the answer anyway. There was no way back from this half-life form. No way that any Atmana knew.

But Howler wasn't truly Atmana. Tuya was of the Hollows, the most powerful wilder alive, and a lightseer. If she could find its mind and link, or if her magic light revealed true humanity, might not she be able to make this poor Atmana itself again?

The risk of breaking her link was not one to be taken lightly. Tuya flashed her eyes, trying to see the human trapped within this powerful creature. Pushing out more light than ever before—except when she'd helped her mother destroy Chimaera—Tuya hoped to bring this person back to themselves.

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Radiance beamed toward the half human, enveloping it in shining silver, sending it crashing to its bovine knees. Tuya saw clearly through the illumination that would blind any other. For several rapid heartbeats, she glimpsed the not-man that had once been. A thick masculine person, with the red-tinted skin of the Atmana, and dense dark hair was lost within. Tuya kept pushing out her magic light, hoping to break the curse.

Be yourself. Be you, she projected, clinging to prayers to Norali and Celegana that she wouldn't need to break her link to make this person themselves again.

While in the light, the image of the person trapped within remained stable. Alas, when the light faded, the half-human form returned. It hesitated, for a few moments giving off more human thoughts than the unfettered emotionality of the half human. But that too faded, the creature goring into the tree with wild abandon.

Tuya's hope faltered. But it didn't perish, as was so often the case even when things were hard. Her lightseer eyes could often see things as the way they truly were, but it was her wilding that often helped things become themselves. Tuya took a deep breath. This was a choice. A choice between safety and doing that which made one more of themselves. Tuya knew what choice she wanted to make every time.

Don't do it, Batu warned. It isn't worth the risk, sister.

Batu thought himself right, always. This time, Tuya couldn't agree. Saving someone from a life of not being themselves is always worth the risk, Batu. If it isn't working, I'll be right back.

For the first time in over a moon, Tuya's mind was her own. But she couldn't linger on this Batu-less sensation. Not when every moment she was unlinked might draw Gurg's focus to her.

Tuya pushed her mind against the lost Atmana. I can make you yourself, if you let me in.

YOU KILLED THEM! YOU TOOK THEM FROM ME!

Tuya wasn't prepared for the intensity of the creature's anger. Such all-encompassing feelings she hadn't experienced in ages, since she linked with a dying unborn. But she'd done that and endured. She wouldn't run from this person's anger, from their pain. Not if there was any hope she could make it smaller.

She had to think fast, knowing each moment was another where Gurg could find her. She caught her reflex to try to persuade the creature that they weren't this half beast monster. Tuya had tried to convince others to be themselves many times, but her convincing usually only made the person fight harder to believe that they were what the tamers said they were. Not only did Renisha teach Tuya this truth, but all the wilders she helped. Little girls like Masarga didn't just believe they were worthwhile because you tried to convince them they were. There was no fast way to tell someone they were something they did not believe they were. So, instead of telling this creature it was a human, instead of denying the accusations, instead of trying to be a fish that swam against mighty currents, Tuya went with the flow of its thoughts.

Show me what I did. Show me what I took from you. Make me hurt. Give your anger, your pain to me.

The lost Atmana pulled her into their mind. Tuya had felt rage before, having lived with tamers and been the subject of it too many times. She was able to weather it like a seaside rock that felt the crashing waves year after year. That didn't mean it didn't hurt to be hated, but she also knew she was loved, and above that, lovable. She wore her experiences like armor, refusing to internalize the hatred that the lost Atmana projected toward her.

She was a monster, in their thoughts. Arrows sticking out of a friend, one under their protection. YOU DID THIS!

I did, Tuya thought, projecting her remorse. She tried not to defend herself, even though she didn't want this guilt that stabbed at her like a spear. You loved them?

THEY WERE ALL I HAD LEFT! BUT ALL YOU DO IS TAKE! TAKE! TAKE! I WILL KILL YOU! I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU!

They projected their dreams, their hopes. Big, thick tusks covered in blood. Tuya's blood, Tsonggo's, but another that she wouldn't soon forget. A muscular not-man with long gray hair that shifted into a purple-furred four-leg. Smiling Moasi.

Smiling Moasi is my enemy too, Tuya projected. Smiling wants to take away my friend and make them into a moasi. I will stop them.

The lost Atmana's emotions shifted, like a river reaching a bend, flowing into an entirely different direction. Angry this river was—that didn't change—but it flowed away from Tuya. She attuned herself to their emotions, wanting to strengthen these instead.

THEY TAKE! TAKE! TAKE! the Atmana projected, imagining themselves goring into Smiling Moasi then smashing into their body with his mighty fists.

Who did they take? Tuya said, guessing that only the loss of a loved one could make someone feel this degree of pain.

The Atmana sought the answer, the thoughts buried where words couldn't be extracted to name what they'd lost. Foggy imagery, a bark-skinned feminine Atmana with dark hair. They couldn't remember what they looked like, even their name. This betrayal of memory, of their own self, was pain incarnate, like losing the person you loved most again.

But they weren't lost. Even distorted, Tuya recognized them. The images came to her, a not-woman wielding bow and arrow, the arrow penetrating Brave Wolf. Another where the person took moasi form and pinned down a wounded Wolf. Tuya's respect for the one Atmana that hadn't cowered beneath her mental projections passing through the link.

They live, Tuya transmitted. I have seen them with the Moasi Clan. When I kill Smiling and Mighty, I will give you back your loved one so that they can be themselves again.

The Atmana hesitated, doubt and hope both flowing with the river or rage. It wanted to kill Tuya—that didn't shift in the slightest—but its memories sharpened, becoming clearer the more that Tuya projected images of the not-girl. Blood on moasi fang and tooth, three indistinct shapes with unseeing eyes, two large and one way too small. Smiling Moasi pulled the arrow-shooter away, living true to their name with a smile as this Atmana had everything taken from them. They remembered a name that had been drowned by their anger. It resurfaced again, like a loved one emerging from eternal darkness. Fast Tsonggo.

Tuya saw memories flowing as the river redirected again. The Atmana had welcomed Fast Tsonggo into the world, giving them their first name: River. Yes, that was who they were, the person that was taken. Fast River Tsonggo. Their child.

Even though it conjured sorrow and agony, Tuya pressed into this river, encouraging its flow. Despite the pain, sadness had a purpose, had a place. In order to become whole, the Atmana needed to remember what they had lost. Tuya focused on the vague images of the other three indistinct shapes with unseeing eyes, drawing the Atmana's attention back to them. She didn't put words through the link, those were laden with traps that she didn't want to trigger. The river of sorrow needed to flow on, so Tuya projected only the feeling of wanting to understand.

The Atmana looked at those three bodies. Memories crashed into them, hitting a wall put up by losing themselves in this half form. Even though it hurt, they didn't want to forget. They wanted to know what they had lost, remember those they had loved. Tuya nudged them subtly, willing them to become themselves, feeding their curiosity with her own desire to know these people and to love them.

Images flashed through. A little not-girl that could climb on shoulders and make tsonggo noises. A not-woman that would swing down from vines and ambush them, not unlike how Tuya had before. They'd jump on them and tackles would turn into kisses and kisses would turn into feeling fully alive and one with another spirit. Another not-woman that could look like them, taking boar form and searching for seeds in the soil with their snouts. They remembered why they stuck with the true boar, remembering making love to their partner in boar form. Nobody could ever forget those squeals of delight. The images coalesced, running like a river of love through the lost Atmana's mind.

The other names came back, as if all the leaves blocking view of the sky were suddenly blown away in the breeze. Another child, not even old enough to take their first form, even though they'd wanted to be a tsonggo like their sibling instead of a boar like them. Leaf. Two lovers who also loved each other too. One the birther of Leaf and the other the birther of Fast River Tsonggo. Sneaky Sky Tsonggo and Loud Water Boar. The three of them had been together since they were children, having bonded after losing their clans and finding each other alone. The Atmana remembered not wanting to go through that again without them. They couldn't live knowing that they'd been too weak to save them, to stop the Moasi Clan from taking River. So, they'd tried to kill themselves by starving. But ever hungry, they'd been unable to do it. They'd transformed into this, losing themselves in their loneliness.

Tuya, perched in a tree, leaked her sorrow into the river, weeping profusely. I'm so sorry you lost them. Her thoughts trailed away, realizing she had no name for this Atmana.

Another memory, the signs of their own name, made by Fast Tsonggo as they smiled, moonlight shining through the canopy and making them glow blue. Such love was enough to drain the river, at least for a few moments. It was enough to remember who they truly were. Hungry Hill Boar.

The Atmana half-beast, half-human changed. Tusks retracted with a crunching snap as their snout receded into a pudgy, reddening face. Thick limbs shrank, coarse fur sloughing off them, replaced by rough, reddish skin. The once-hulking frame softened and sagged into a man that looked older than any she'd ever met besides perhaps Smiling Moasi but without that monster's powerful muscles. Like all Atmana, this not-man stood naked in the forest. A belly emerged, prominent, covering their breeder from Tuya's aerial sightline.

Beady brown eyes looked up into the tree, hands moving as the Hungry Hill Boar transmitted thoughts to match them. "You've seen Fast Tsonggo?"

"I have," Tuya signed and projected. "They are in Moasi Clan now."

"And you will fight the Moasi Clan? You can defeat them and save my child?"

"I can. I will. I promise."

Hungry Boar nodded, their jowls wobbling in a way Tuya had never seen. Not even pudgy Makhun had been so fleshy. But she supposed that the Atmana lived true to their names and if eating too little made one sallow skin wrapped tight over bone then the reverse could be true too.

Either way, she felt weird being in Boar's mind now that they'd changed. Tuya found Batu in the skies, circling the forest. I did it, she projected. I'm coming back to you.

Batu accepted the link. I still think this was wrong, sister. The evil man might have found us.

Tuya had pushed possibility away while she was linked with Hungry Hill Boar, but now that Batu's fear was in her mind it became impossible to think of anything else. She didn't see what Hungry Boar signed, nor did she look down again. Tuya raced up the tree limbs, scaling a few hundred feet to where Batu waited for her. Then, with eyes of silver and a heart of terror, she scanned far and wide for the dreaded sky of dark mist that would announce the end of this life she'd barely begun to live.

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