This feels like a Greek shipping magnate and a cheesy porn director tried to conceptualize a villa.

Our final rift of the day was a very interesting one, at least visually. As a puzzle rift, it had a few different incarnations it could take, though all were some kind of house.

Today, at least based on the opening safe room, we'd have a Mediterranean type building. It was covered in mosaics, and rather graphic ones at that, depicting anatomically impossible things. There were also columns with a whole lot of archways, most going leading directly into a wall.

There were a few hanging paintings on the wall too but they were just… off. Like the worst AI art mixed with the skill of a young child who spent more time eating the paint than using it.

"Yeah, that's actually pretty normal," Inara replied when I asked. "No idea why it works that way but rifts are strange. They can be set in really normal seeming locations, completely underwater, with no gravity, all kinds of things. But there's always a sense of things being wrong."

"So, we know the layout for this instance, does that tell us the general kinds of traps or puzzles?" I asked, reviewing everything I knew about the specific rift. "Actually, I have no idea what a house-specific puzzle would be. Where to set which types of silverware at dinner? How to fold a fitted sheet?"

"Groan," Romie said rather than intoned, rolling their eyes.

"Agreed, and I am not 100% sure what a fitted sheet even is!" Inara laughed.

Pavel signaled for us to actually gather up. "Okay, there are usually trapped hallways and then a puzzle in each room. If you get the puzzle wrong, bad things happen. So let's not do that."

Simple plan but about as reasonable as we're going to get.

The first room was something I was infinitely familiar with: a platformer video game style puzzle.

Floating balls of smoke emitted from multiple holes in the walls before dissipating when they hit another object. In the middle of the room were a number of columns that we could move around in deep groves in the floor, blowing air in a single direction that we couldn't adjust.

We had to use the columns to blow the smoke balls into other red-ringed holes on the wall. Once we succeeded with one series of columns, the smoke balls for that specific red-ringed hole stopped coming.

Additionally, every time we succeeded with a smoke ball, more of the floor mosaic revealed itself. While it wasn't exactly a hard puzzle, the hourglass above the closed exit door made it slightly ominous.

"Huh, spiders. Glad we didn't have to fight that," I remarked looking at the final picture on the floor as the sound of the hourglass slowed to silent. It had taken twenty minutes but there were still at least a few minutes left worth of sand.

As I tried the door handle, I felt something brush the back of my neck, prompting me to swat at it with my hand. "Steve, knock it off," I said grumpily.

Turning, I saw definitely not Steve. A hairy – and very angry – spider as big as a labrador retriever fell to the ground a few feet away, its mandibles clacking ominously as it prepared to jump.

With instincts beaten into me by both Jasna and Risto, I pulled my shield around on my left as I unslung my morningstar on my right, calling out a warning before it could pounce.

An arrow sliced into its meaty leg, eliciting a hiss. "Nice shot Romie," I called out as I pressed outwards with my shield. Smacking it in the body midair as it flung itself at me, it went flying away with a satisfying crunch.

The spider landed on its back, struggling to get up. Storming over, I swung down my morningstar with all my might.

The soft squelch reverberated a little too well off the ornate tiles in the room.

Looking around bewildered – we got the damn puzzle right! – I saw three other dead spiders and four thick ropes hanging from the ceiling.

"What the hell!" I yelled, pissed and confused.

"Well, Merita said some of the rifts were spicy. I guess that wasn't only about the null essence?" Pavel asked to our still-new team leader Inara.

"Yeah, no idea what that was all about. Do we continue?" she asked the group.

"They were easy, so low risk. I vote forwards. Weird means better rewards," our generally very quiet archer said, making the first vote.

Inara nodded then looked to me.

"Is this normal? If not, I say we leave. But you all know better than I do," I replied.

Isekonsultant Tip to Thriving #46: Sometimes, when you are out of your depth, trust the judgement of those you trust. If they've earned it, let them make the call. Be reasonable and rational but still, you don't need to know everything or decide everything.

We discussed for ten minutes in the beginning safe room – me mostly avoiding looking at the weird mosaics – and the consensus was go forward. Especially once Romie reiterated again that, in general, weird things in rift correlated with better rewards.

"Okay, you convinced me. But if I get killed for greed reasons, I am haunting your asses," I joked as we headed into the second major puzzle room.

I stopped dead once the door opened.

I am going to hate this one…

A softly lit room – where our glow stones had no impact – held sixteen small pillars arrayed in a half circle a little wider than my wingspan. Each terminated at about chest height, all with a luminous orb on top, blinking slightly in a repeating sequence. Above the exit door, there was a glowing horizontal panel, almost like a fuel gauge in video game, with sixteen bars that were currently barely outlined in a faint pinkish purple light.

It was pretty but I also guessed it would be pretty annoying.

My worst nightmare was confirmed: we had to hit the flashing lights in a specific order, the pattern changing with each attempt and the timing getting faster and faster. It was a rare challenge for the rift but was documented.

As someone who had difficulty with sequences in general and especially flashing lights – not actual epilepsy, just a hard time processing when things were flashing – these were always the worst parts of video games for me.

Inara stepped up first, cracking her knuckles and neck, taking her time making a show of stretching her legs, old man grunts included.

Pavel groaned. "Babe, you are peak of Tier 1.9. You haven't needed to stretch in years…"

She turned her winning smile at him, stuck out her tongue, did a little pirouette and stepped into the faintly glowing line on the ground, initiating the test.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

***

I swatted off the giant beetle-like monster as it flung itself at my head, spitting a foul-smelling substance I barely avoided. The faint hiss from the column beside me said I made the right call by dodging.

It started so well.

Inara got all the way to 37 lights, each of which she had to hit in less than a quarter of a second by the end, her arms blurring through the dull light like a crazed moth to many pretty flames. I thought she probably could have gone further but our team leader mixed up the order of the pink and purple lights right at the end of her last sequence.

Eight of the sixteen little bars lit up on the panel above the door, showing our progress towards completing the puzzle. At our congratulations, the eighth bar started to dim slightly. In mere seconds, it faded entirely.

Inara tried to go a second time, rushing to tap the first light, but the progress panel immediately dimmed another one bar. Down to six lights and realizing we probably all had to participate – a common rule with puzzle rifts, per our briefings – Romie swapped in quickly.

While they weren't quite as good as Inara, our nimble archer still managed to get to 27 lights, faltering early the next round.

The panel lit up five additional full bars and most of another, reaching a bit over eleven and half. That left us with only four and half bars necessary for the last two members of the team.

I think there's a scaling factor. The more sequences you get right, the more 'points' per sequence you get. Inara was at about four and a half sequences per bar and Romie was almost at five.

The second our archer erred, Pavel jumped in and started, which we'd agreed to when they started. It was clear he was struggling from early on but still managed to last a few cycles through, finally tripping up at number sixteen, notching us almost another three bars.

Yup, definitely scaling factor.

With only about one and half bars unlit, I was pretty confident.

And boy was that confidence misplaced.

Once in the thick of it, I was struggling by the fifth sequence. It was only eight colors to match in a bit over five seconds but it was still oddly debilitating.

Only once I finally flubbed on the twelfth and felt a pressure on my thoughts release did I realize there was an actual mind-affecting field of some kind that ramped up the difficulty.

Still, I was pretty sure that would get us all the way to the sixteen bars we needed.

The panel ticked up slowly, and finally lighting up completely. We waited for a full ten seconds with baited breath before a loud click emanated from the door and it swung open slightly. Which is when the beetles swarmed out, attacking en masse.

In the low light, our team was constantly calling out our position lest we react a little too zealously to any movement and create a friendly fire issue.

It took four long minutes before the last of the beetles were finally squished.

"Oh, my cloak," Inara whined as she showed us a hole where the acid hole chewed right through it. I had a beetle sneak up from behind while I was fighting another. Thus, I currently had half an ass cheek hanging in the breeze which Romie found endlessly funny for some reason.

I need to pick up that armor…

All the enchanted gear, even the lowest of the low, had survived mostly unscathed and would be right as rain with channeling a bit of mana into the self-repair features.

Dreading what could be next, we gathered ourselves and headed into the next room.

***

After the pillar lights sequence room, we had four other puzzles, all of which we thought we solved. But every time after the rift seemed to accept our solution, we were attacked by annoying if pretty weak foes.

We entered a large circular room, this time with mosaics of pretty stringed musical instruments that looked more like east Asian than western European types from Earth.

I think that one's called an erhu?

"If there's anything I am worse at than lights, it's music. It's probably going to be some kind of tonal challenge," I said dejectedly.

Before my teammates could answer, the loveliest voice I'd ever heard started to sing. It was almost like a lullaby, very soft and sweet, but the lyrics were hard to discern. Despite the mumbling, it was moving. Gently swaying to the music, I felt tears – of joy no doubt – start to run down my cheeks.

Suddenly, I felt a massive mental push about not being food and my awareness snapped to.

What the hell is chewing on my head?!

I screamed as I managed to swat the creature off with my hand. It flew off, still singing its beautiful song.

Barely able to see through the blood covering my face, I finally managed to get a look at my assailant. "Harpies!" I yelled as I cleared what blood I could away from my vision.

The three foot (1m) tall monsters had cruel faces that were in a permanent snarl and giant feathered wings with bright green and blue plumage. They weren't wearing any clothes but thankfully the rift didn't make them anatomically accurate in any way.

Inara was standing in the corner, also gently swaying with a huge smile while one was gnawing on her arm. I ran her way, fending off another swooping attack, and punched the giant avian – or small flying humanoid? – off her.

Quickly assessing the situation, she flung one of her daggers, catching the source of her former musical infatuation right between the shoulder blades. It plummeted to the ground, its song turning to a screeching one of pain and rage.

The other monsters quickly joined in to the furious cacophony, freeing Pavel and Romie from their spell.

The harpies were quick and agile, able to make incredibly tight turns and move almost like a cat, even while flying. It would have been a wonder to watch if they didn't want to eat our faces.

With Romie free to fire at will and Pavel and I playing protector, the final three harpies were quickly grounded. Inara made quick work of the hapless monsters, who couldn't stand well on the ground.

Luckily for us, it was the final fight. The rift reward distortion gently shimmered into view.

Without waiting for the typical post-delve shenanigans about who should get to dispel the rift reward, Romie walked straight through it.

Their hand snaked out incredibly quickly, catching the falling object. They turned to show, much to our chagrin, a small lump of gold, as they walked backwards out the rift exit distortion.

Win some, lose some I guess…

***

"You look like shit." Both Merita and Jasna greeted me with the same phrase, though with significantly different inflections.

"Thanks, nice to see you too," I said testily. "We didn't feel like washing off, just needed to be done with it. All four of us solved every puzzle and we still got attacked."

Merita looked concerned. "That's not supposed to happen… send me your recording." At doing so, she reviewed it quickly, turning with a questioning look. She put a finger to her lips. "Maybe it thought there were five of ya? Your boy here—" Merita held up a preening Steve, "—must be smart enough for it to count him as a participant somehow? Would be absolutely crazy, but if he never actually helped solve any of the puzzles, then your team, as the rift defined it, didn't all work to complete them."

"Why didn't you tell us that before? We could have prepared," I said testily.

She shrugged. "Can happen in puzzle rifts with bonds, just never heard of it at Tier 1 or even Tier 2. I guess we'll have to update the manuals…" she said nonchalantly before heading over to talk to Romie about our final reward for the day.

Jasna indicated for me to follow her. "Let's head back to the inn. Joakim has some rough translations of the documents from the new facility – I guess we'll call that 'Terry's facility' rather than the torture one?" Without waiting for a reply, she started to run off back to Struva.

Too tired to argue, I sent a quick AAI message to Inara and said we could meet for breakfast. Nikolaj set up a big fancy business dinner for me and some of his friends in Struva about two hours from when we exited the rift.

***

After a quick bath – the innkeeper didn't even want to allow any of us inside in our bedraggled state – I was in my room with Jasna.

She nodded. "You guessed right, I was scouting out a few locations that might work to deploy Gabby but none felt like a good fit. Too much foot traffic near here. And they have people scouting for new rifts all the time, she'd be discovered. Ran into two scouts while moving around today."

"Yeah, when I went into that dungeon and felt Steve brush my mind, I thought maybe all dungeons with null essence were becoming sentient," I responded with a laugh.

"That would at least explain Gabby slightly better. That she's an utter anomaly irks me. Though I won't dwell, I'm not Ratmir."

I laughed. "Yeah, and I'm glad you're not. Still, I'm pretty frustrated with that puzzle rift. Even the puzzles were slightly different from normal. The null essence really is going to change all the rifts if it keeps increasing."

Jasna nodded but said nothing.

I decided to fill the silence. "So… you said Joakim had a few more things translated from the files we got from Barry's, err, my facility?" I asked. My business dinner – a tradition I desperately hoped I had left behind on Earth – was fast approaching.

"Yes, he focused on those few documents we found about a potion and Lazar Fabianova – Joakim believes his disappearance could be linked to the potential war with The Monetary Might Kingdom. The King is looking for someone to blame for his top advisor going missing."

"Crap… I wonder if we can tell someone about his death without implicating me or getting us into a whole heap more of trouble." I sat and thought about potential angles but all of them led back to either me being blamed or becoming some kind of test subject. "I'd really like to prevent a war if at all possible…"

Bringing me out of my thoughts, Jasna put her hand on my forearm.

"Terry, I have some other bad news for you."

"Well that's ominous. Am I going to suddenly explode?" I asked, injecting a bit of levity.

"In a way, probably." At my assuredly surprised and concerned face, she nodded. "Here is the analysis of everything Joakim has so far related to Lazar."

She sent me a detailed AAI message but with a brief cover page.

As I scanned it, for the first time in either of my lives, I actually had to sit down from receiving news.

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